


Second Star to the Right (and Straight On 'Till Mourning)

by SandrC



Series: Balance My Deeds With My Misdeeds [29]
Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Also I may have mean plans for Kravitz and now you have to live with that knowledge, Amnesia, Canon Temporary Character Death, Dealing With Trauma, F/F, F/M, Gen, Goliath!Julia, Graphic Description of Corpses, I AM THE DM NOW!!!, I am shoving Griffin off the jungle gym to take my place of Regis of this land, I keep editing this and let me tell you it keeps getting better, Lup is a diplomat, Lup is bi as hell, M/M, Multi, PTSD, Paladin!Julia, Psychological Horror, Sorcerer!Hekuba, Spoilers for the Balance Arc, TAZ: Balance, Temporary Character Death, catch these hands you bespectacled nerdlord, hey do you like pain? coz i've got a lot of pain for you, it adheres to bits of canon and the rest is my playground, sorrynotsorry, um...also just a heads up I do a shitfuckton of time distortion in terms of ages and shir
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-11
Updated: 2018-10-18
Packaged: 2018-10-30 16:09:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 10
Words: 43,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10880304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SandrC/pseuds/SandrC
Summary: Julia Burnsides is covered in scars and running from memories of a love lost, towards the man who ruined her life.Hekuba Roughridge protects her children as she hunts down the husband that left them in the lurch.Lup is fleeing from forty-some-odd deaths she caused and the void in her chest whenever she's alone.Somehow the three of them wind up at the wrong place at the right time. All at once. And with them is a necromantic bard who worships the goddess of Do Not Fuck With Undead, a strange moon-based organization that hides behind radio static and mental fuckery, and seven objects of immeasurable power that have remained hidden yet sought since their conception long ago.They are scattered and shattered but together they are the pieces of a puzzle bigger than even their own planar system. And one-by-one, they learn to heal and collect their mistakes. Even if they are on a schedule.The apocalypse is coming and he is hangry.





	1. Ep. 0: Before the Job

**Author's Note:**

  * For [constanted](https://archiveofourown.org/users/constanted/gifts), [Karmahitme](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Karmahitme/gifts).



> Y'all are filthy enablers and I hate you.
> 
> (JK I love you but like fuck man, I already have things to work on smh)
> 
> Anyway, this is something that I just thought up and I love it immediately. I've rolled up stat sheets for these ladies and roll on checks n' shit so expect to see a decent amount of canon divergence (aside from, yknow, the AU thing). Basically, Hekuba is taking Mavis and Mookie (younger than canon sorry) to find Merle, who has (canonically) fucked right off. Julia was in Raven's Roost when it fell but survived, despite being horribly scarred and traumatized but Magnus went to kill Kalen and died. And Lup? Similar to Taako, she's under the impression that she's responsible for the death of upwards of forty people, though her crime was trying to replicate the umbra staff.
> 
> There's a good bit of role-shuffling and some that are kept as is.
> 
> And as a mention: Hekuba is a storm-sorcerer. Julia is a Paladin who specializes in greatswords and will eventually take the Oath of Vengeance. Lup is, of course, and evocation wizard.
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hekuba threatens others.
> 
> Julia tries not to remember.
> 
> Lup drinks to forget.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Noodled with things to adjust to new continuity. Gomen.

Hekuba Roughridge had learned early on that most humanoids didn't know a dwemmarm from a dwemmor. They saw facial hair and assumed _male_ dwarf. That was used to her advantage. Most humanoids took males as more competent so she just refused to correct them. In the end it didn't matter, so long as she got the job done correctly. She was a hireling with a family, after all.

She hiked up the hill to the small tavern that sat just outside of Neverwinter—a little shithole called _Friendly's_ , with an _actually_ friendly barkeep—Mookie on her hip. The little dwarf had his fist crammed in his mouth and was drooling happily as he gnawed on his chubby fingers. Next to him, quietly holding her hand, was Mavis. She looked apprehensive.

" _Mama_ ," she called in Dwarven, having long since learned that her mom being 'male' was a good thing for them.

" _Yes?_ " Hekuba shifted Mookie on her hip so she could see her eldest child.

" _Why are we like this?_ " Hekuba's heart broke. " _I mean, I know Dad left and all, cause he was a no-good, low-down, algae-eating, sunnuvabitch, but why do we have to go after him?_ "

" _Well, bright gem, your father needs to take responsibility for his end of the parenting. With_ _you as young as you are, I couldn't just leave you with Uncle Coralheart. You'd think I did the same thing_." Mavis held her gaze, intelligent eyes searching for any falsehood. There was none. " _So I brought you with me. Nuncle Cliffrider will keep the oyster farm running smooth and I'm keeping them informed on our lodging so they can send us money when we need it._ "

Mulling it over, Mavis nodded sharply. " _Alright Mama. So what are you gonna do when you find Dad?_ "

Hekuba gave her daughter a wicked grin that sent shivers down her spine. " _I think I'll tear him a new one first and then we'll see where it goes from there, hm_?"

Mavis pushed open the door to _Friendly's_ and they stepped inside. This would be the last tavern they ever slept in as a family.

* * *

Lup was running. Well, more that Lup was hiding. _Stupid stupid stupid! What was I thinking?! They're just gonna find me! I'm close to Neverwinter, there's no way they aren't gonna notice I'm there. They'll know me for sure! I need to fucking go off the grid. Shit!_

She was sitting at a table in the corner of _Friendly's_ , nursing the strongest gin the stout human stocked. It was something from Brandybuck—good town, good booze—and it was dulling her senses quicker than she thought. _Still_ , she knocked back another shot and placed a gold piece on the table, almost summoning Friendly, _fucking garbage._

 _This is what I get,_ she hissed internally as she tried to get the room to stop spinning using only her mind and the _idea_ of sobriety. _Try to make cool shit with no technical know-how and the world fucks you right over. Cactus, meet asshole. Asshole, meet cactus. Now intercourse, dry and hard. No stopping till the cactus nuts motherfucker, welcome to the cactus fuck train. Choo-choo! Pulling into Lup station!_

It had been so _simple_! She had her umbra staff—an arcane focus that could absorb other arcane focuses and gain new skills—and she knew _magic_! That should have been enough but _no_ , apparently something something _permit_ and something something _warding spells_. One misspelled glyph. A dozen times. Done while tired as fuck. A town that burned to the ground overnight. Forty confirmed dead.

 _Fuck_. She nursed what little dribbles remained in her shot glass. _I should probably get out of here and maybe hit up some other continent soon. Not while shitfaced,_ she amended, _but soon. Maybe after my hangover subsides. Then I can lay low for a century or so and wait it out._

As she lamented her pooch-screwing, the fifteenth shot glass—empty with a set of small, jagged scratches from her teeth on it—burst into flame.

" _FUCK_!" She threw herself back and tried to extinguish the magical flame she had created. Without realizing she was doing it. _Fuck_.

" _Please_ don't burn my tavern down! I still have most of the mortgage to pay off and no arcane insurance!" Friendly hollered at her from across the bar.

" _Sorry_ ," she slurred, "'M working on it!"

"You'd _better_ ," he huffed and got back to serving his customers. She extinguished the glass by upending the shot glass and smothering. She sat back down and slumped up against the back of her chair, internally swearing when the bell rang and signified that the door had opened. Lup cast a glance askance to see who it was and raised an eyebrow as a fucking _ripped_ dwemmarm with two smaller dwarves accompanying her strutted in.

"You can't bring _kids_ in here!" Friendly protested.

"Then I'll leave and take my money _elsewhere_. I had just heard that this place had a good board for work." Lup heard how she was pitching her voice—chest instead of natural, with her teeth clenched to exaggerate the accent—and sighed. _Ahh yes, fucking gender bullshit again. Dumbshit humanoid motherfuckers and their assigned gender fuckall._

" _No_ , please stay just...maybe keep the kids away from the bar? There's a table in the back right there, next to the...ah... _elf_." Friendly's brow furrowed as he gestured near where Lup was sitting. She threw back another shot. She had sneaking suspicions that Friendly was cutting her gin now. Didn't fucking matter in the long-run, 'cause she was about as smashed as she could get without alcohol poisoning setting in, but _still_. It was the _principal_ of the thing.

The dwemmarm met Lup's eyes and then began the trek towards the table Friendly indicated. " _C'mon bright gem,_ " she grumbled in thick, seaside Dwarven.

" _Yes Mama,_ " the little one replied. The one on her hip wiggled and babbled. They sat down at the indicated table and the elder child tended to her sibling while the dwemmarm ordered food. Fucking cool family shit. Adorable.

Lup felt a tug at her heart. She knocked back a shot. It disappeared.

 _Must've been indigestion. Or heartburn. Ha! Heart burn. Haha!_ A smothered giggle escaped her mouth, squeaking and startling Lup into melancholic silence. She set down her glass and placed another piece down to pay for more.

As she found the intricacy of the fractals of bubbles and light passing through gin in a dirty shot glass to be the most artistic representation of depression _ever_ , a loud slamming startled Lup and she dropped her gin. Eyes wide, she looked for the source.

* * *

Julia had been hopping from bar to bar, picking up merc work as she tried to forget. As she tried to drown her regret. As she tried to pretend that her life wasn't alnpp , _fucking_ wreck.

It hurt. The ring had been seared right onto her finger. The wound was raw and blistered where she had clawed it off. It had been weeks. She refused to see a cleric.

It was a reminder.

Five tankards of a strong gnommish mead in—Friendly was amazingly accommodating when one was about twice his size and also scarred from head to toe—she heard the sound of fire igniting and pulled in on herself.

" _FUCK!_ " The elf that had been sitting in the corner swore as they tried to extinguish the flame that they, themself, had cast. Friendly chided them and they apologized, finally putting the fire out but the damage was done. There was a dark mark on the wood where the oak had been turned to charcoal.

 _Shame,_  she mused as she sipped at her mead, _it was a nice table. Might have fetched 300GP at store value, discounting production and transport costs. All-in-all, it would've netted about 650GP if they were being fair but, considering that Friendly's is near Neverwinter, probably closer to 1KGP than much else. Fucking highballers. Goddamn scalping sonovbitches._

She derailed that train of thought right into the ditch of 'this is way too painful' and focused on submerging her nerves in fermented honey. The sweet smell of mead masked the wafts of charcoal and charring. She swallowed her anxiety. It caught in her throat.

The door swung open and a dwarven person—Julia would be the _first_ to admit that she wasn't the best at judging gender—with two smaller dwarven people entered. Some conversation took place but Julia had already turned her attention back to self-pity. No need in pretending to give a shit about every oddball fucko who came into every bar she frequented. They would never matter in the end. She closed her eyes and tried to clock the pounding in her skull. About 172BPM. It sounded so familiar, like the same old song and dance.

_"Julia?! **Julia!** " Digging. Digging. Digging. Bloodied hands tear through wood and rubble with cracked and weeping burns. Nails pulled back and blood and blood and blood! "Fuck! Julia, this is all my fault!"_

_She gasps and he holds her close, closer now, weeping and gasping. He's never sounded so lost. He smells like lavender and ruin. Old people and death. It's disconcerting. She **hates** it._

_Her hand hurts. There, on her left ring finger, is a band of molten gold and a single glittering opal. The flesh around it is swollen and puffy, bubbles of skin containing painful fluid just beneath translucent screens made of **her**. Flexing hurts. Acknowledging hurts. **Everything** hurts._

_"Fuck Jules...I'm—! If I hadn't been such a **coward**...if I-if I had just—! I shouldn't have stopped you. I...he **deserves** death! It's too good for him now. He deserves to **suffer**."_

_She tries to open her mouth but her cheeks scream in protest. A sticky fluid dribbles down her chin and she grits her teeth as her chest is stained with ashy blood. She tries to howl in pain. Her cheeks hurt. She tries to cry. Her cheeks hurt._

_He's gone the next day. She hears the news three days later. Through the chest, they said. A bar fight and an assassin, they said. Kalen, they said._

_She screams. Her cheeks tear wide open and they hurt and it is **glorious**._

Julia jerked up as a small gnome—almost nondescript, save for the large shirt that read ' **CRAIG** ' in all caps—tacked a piece of paper to the job board. "I'm Craig and this is my list," he hollered. Then he did a graceful pirouette and walked out with a jaunty wave. The bar seemed to pay him no mind, save for a few mercenary-looking types. Seems like the regulars were used to this gnome.

 _Finally,_ she thought as she stood to grab a tab off the bottom, _some fucking work._

But just as she touched the rough parchment, a large human snatched it from under her fingers. He returned to his group—a dwarf and a buck-toothed gnome—and began to pour over the paper with reckless abandon. He laughed and the dwarf pointed something out on the paper and whispered softly. The gnome just cackled, less drunk than just off-kilter.

Julia staggered over to their table and rapped gently on the wood to get their attention. " _Excuse_ me, but I'd like to see that flier please."

The human gave her the once over and sneered. "I believe we got to it first! Therefore _we_ get dibs." She wanted to hit him.

" _Friend_ , I won't ask nicely too many more times. Again, a request: allow me to see the paper." Her voice was controlled. If _he_ were here, he would have known how to charm that paper out of this dicklord's grasp. As he wasn't here, she was just going to hit this gentleman until he gave up the paper or the ghost, whichever came first.

" _No_ ," he repeated as the gnome snickered, "we have dibs _thank you!_ " His voice was honey-sweet and thick as molasses. She was drowning in the insincerity.

"I'm afraid that isn't fair, _friend_." Julia bared her teeth at the trio. It _wasn't_ a smile. She wasn't in a smiling mood. The human didn't even flinch; in fact, he looked more stubborn than before. He stared her down. She lost her temper then.

Snarling, she slammed her hands down on the table the trio were sitting at. All three of them jumped at the loud noise but, thankfully, the sturdy piece of furniture held up under her assault. In the corner, another shotglass went up in flames and the elf swore loudly but Julia was too angry to give half a shit about it. She didn't care. She was seeing red and red and red and fire and screams and this man was a big bully and _Kalen I will **fucking** kill you!_

"Hey now," the dwarf said, softly. They were placating her now, Julia could tell. She didn't like it one fucking bit, but she understood. She wasn't so fr gone as to misunderstand the kindness behind the action. The room, already rocking slightly, was tinged flickering with fire that didn't exist and she could smell blood that hadn't been spilled yet. She could feel his gaze on her, loving and unyielding. Kind. She heard him reprimanding her. She took deep breaths. She tried to collect the pieces of her cool that were scattered across the bar. "Please calm down."

"The _paper_ ," she growled, low but controlled. Words passing through pursed lips that were chewed up by blunted and stunted fangs, picked with the care that a parent affords. "I will not ask again. Next time I will just take it from you." Control. Control. Tranquil. Calm.

_Just breathe, Jules. You can do this._

She didn't hear or see the dwarf from earlier approach, but there they were. Their hands were on their hips and they looked stern in a way that cemented their status as a parent. "What seems to be the issue? My _children_ and I are trying to have a quiet evening and you're disturbing the peace." They scanned the trio before them with a calculating and grim eye. Their mouth pinched and they pulled on the intricate braids woven in their beard. The bead that held the braids together in the center—a small ring made of coral, two hands intertwined and interlocked, with a soft, misshapen, natural, umber pearl inset in the face—clinked as they looked from one of the trio to the next. Their eyes lingered a bit too long on the flier, now resting on the table, and they flicked up to stare into the human's own gaze.

"We saw this job first so we get it. It calls for a trio anyway and since there's three of us, it's only fair." The human spoke smoothly, in a way that made Julia's blood run cold. _Kalen;_  her body tensed and she wanted to leap across the table and beat his fucking smug, _shitty_ face in. _Fucking Kalen._   _Shit_.

"I think I have to agree with the taller lady here," the dwarf gestured up to Julia, who blinked and watched them quizzically. They continued on, as if they were holding a conversation with a particularly stubborn child. "The page has tabs to contact the poster. Take one and _move on_ , letting other folks have a go."

"I don't think so," the human replied. He refused to budge. An immovable object was about to meet an unstoppable force vis-a-vis Julia's fist as the intermediary. Then the unexpected happened. The dwarf made a move first.

They smacked her quarterstaff against the table and their eyes gleamed with a bright and horrific power. It was somehow parental and furious all in one. They grimaced and Julia knew that shit was serious. " _Give me the sheet._ "

(In the corner, another glass burst into flames and the elf swore loudly. Friendly came by their table and swept the empty glasses into a small bin. He chided them and they stood up and staggered over towards the commotion. Neither Julia nor the dwarf noticed but it didn't seem to matter. They were gonna come by no matter what.)

"Why should we," asked the dwarf associated with the human. "As Adonis said: we called dibs."

"Because the name of the one seeking work is _related_ to me. He's the _last_ one to have had any contact with my husband and I have a plan to tear the ever-loving fuck out of his deadbeat ass and drag him home by his ear, with or without him attached." The human, Adonis, pulled back in an acceptable amount of fear. "And I will tell you _this_ : I will not even _hesitate_ to tear your head off your fucking shoulders and shove it up your ass. _Do not test me..._ " The dwarf hissed through their teeth and, for one instance, Julia was afraid as well. Sparks of magic fluttered off of them and their grey eyes flickered with blue and green and yellow. Julia wondered if they were born of the sea.

The paper slipped from the hands of the human and the dwarf accompanying them pushed it towards the fuming dwarven parent. They snagged it up and nodded stiffly at the trio. Julia didn't blame them for being scared. If she was more sober and on the other end of that fury, she would've been pissing herself too. Never mess with a parent on a mission.

The dwarf snarled—something that could never be even remotely related to a smile except by facial region—and nodded. "Thank you for your cooperation." They said something in Dwarven as the trio paid for their food and booked it like they owed someone money. It wasn't until a piercing shriek of laughter erupted from behind the two of them that Julia even noticed that the elf had made their way to them. The dwarf swore in Dwarven and the elf giggled again. Julia deigned to ignore them and instead focus on the job. _Potential_ job.

Fuck it; the paper is there, in their possession, so fucking _actual_ fucking job. Booyah.

"Thanks for your help," Julia nodded at the dwarf.

"Didn't do it for you," they grumbled, another Dwarven phrase slipping out. The elf giggled.

"Fukkin' _stoked_ ," the elf drawled, seemingly unsatisfied with the amount of attention they were getting, "for this _bomb_ -ass adventure we're gonna fukkin' go on yeah?"

"I'm not _going_ with anyone. This is wholly personal," the dwarf countered.

" _Regardless_ : I'm in need of work and this is a good job. Plus it calls for three members. Unless you plan on taking the squirts on as your party, you're two people short." The elf giggled and waved a hand in a roundabout manner, the umbrella hooked on their wrist swinging back and forth with the momentum. " _Short_...heh..."

"I agree," Julia added.

"I'm _not_ going _with_ anyone," the dwarf repeated. "And I don't need a party. I'm not planning to take this job, just kick the shit out of my second cousin twice removed until he tells me where my husband is." They clutched the paper harder in their hands, crinkling the edges and tearing the cuts for the tabs.

At their table, the older dwarf child called out in Dwarven. The elf's ears perked up and they broke into a wobbly smile. The dwarven parent with Julia frowned and replied in Dwarven as well. They pinched the bridge of their nose and sighed heavily. Then they met Julia's eyes.

" _Shin kadôl_ is right. I can't go alone and there's no reason to leave you high and dry." They sighed and stuck their hand out for Julia and the elf to shake. "I'm Hekuba Roughridge. May the stone bless your path."

"Julia Waxman. Pleased to meet you _Mx_. Roughridge?" Julia shook their hand and, upon not being corrected, faced the elf and repeated the gesture. "Hail and well met _Mx_ —?"

" _Ms._ Lup," the elf crooned—something that seemed oddly in-character for this elf that Julia had never met before. " _Enchanté_." Then she turned to the older dwarf child and said something in lilting Dwarven. The older child looked surprised but they smiled brightly. They replied and Lup laughed again, not noticing the way that Hekuba stared at her with distrust. Hekuba didn't seem to like much of anyone there.

_Don't blame her though..._

"So...I guess I'm the muscle?"

Hekuba looked up at Julia and nodded. "I'm a sorcerer, which ain't really a damaging class so, yeah. I s'pose I'm the ranged spellcaster?" They leaned against their quarterstaff and chuckled as Julia's eyes sparkled with glee at the mention of magic. "Also I do have this crossbow so ranged _in general_?"

"I don't know if you're ranged _spellcasting_ , Hek," Lup said with a saucy wink. A gout of flame shot out of her fingers and she gave a cocky, crooked smirk. "Lup's got that _on lock_." Julia tried to not let her fear show. Hekuba said something in Dwarven. Lup replied in same, winking to punctuate it. " _Evocation_ babydoll," she added in Common. "You can call dibs on ranged attacks though. Make it rain and such." She waved her hand about in a 'so-on-and-so-forth' motion. Hekuba rolled their eyes.

"We don't have a healer?" Hekuba scanned the other two, eyes narrowing in concern and confusion. Julia didn't blame them; two people they didn't know plus their kids taking on a job in a town about fifteen miles from here? Sounded like a setup. Especially without any sort of healer-type. Julia decided to sweeten the pot.

"I have Lay on Hands right now but as soon as I have time, I plan on collecting some more healing skills. Consider me your tank and your healer?" She tried to quell the rising desire to travel with these two. Something in her needed to go with them and Julia, devout believer in the Goddess of Death, the Raven Queen Herself, knew that gut instincts were something you needed to pay attention to. They were a gift from Istus, Her Queen's lover. They _needed_ to be listened to.

"Then let's do-it to-it!" Lup pumped her fist in the air and then immediately doubled over and emptied her stomach. The older dwarf child made a face but, points to them, didn't even gag. As soon as her vomit stream came to an end, she gave a shaky thumbs up and passed an exasperated Friendly a gold piece for his troubles. The human just grumpily cleaned up the puke after pocketing the gold.

"How about we rest up first and get sober. Then the three of us can just head out and go drag Gundren's ass around until he tells me what I wanna know." Hekuba gritted their teeth and gestured to their kids, who looked various states of tired. "C'mon _shin kadôl_. Bring _tomek ol biban_ with you. We're gonna get a room." They said something in Dwarven and their eldest nodded and replied in quiet Dwarven.

"Al _right_. Do we meet here at dawn or something?" Lup giggled as Julia placed a few silver pieces on her table as a tip. She palmed some of them, trying to be sneaky. Julia replaced them as soon as Lup wasn't looking. _Typical._

Not that she knew her. Why was this typical? _What?!_

"I mean," Lup continued, almost as if Julia hadn't replaced her pilfered silver back on the table, "kiddos get up early so, fuck it, why _not_?"

Hekuba rolled their eyes. They muttered in Dwarven and, even to Julia's untrained ears, it sounded like a swear or evocation of a god of one sort or another. "Thankfully, my kids are heavy sleepers. After breakfast, a few hours after the sun rises. We pay Friendly and then we book it for Neverwinter proper."

"Aight!" Lup pumped her fist. "Imma go _pass_ the _fuck_ out! _Later taters!_ " She staggered off, weaving a crooked line out the door. Friendly relaxed, continuing to try and scrub the fiery residue from the glasses she had left behind. Julia pitied the poor man.

Julia gave Friendly a curt nod and an apologetic smile. "Thank you," she muttered. The barkeep just continued on his merry way, unperturbed. "And Mx. Rockridge? May the earth keep your dreams grounded."

"May you feel the stone's embrace," Hekuba replied. Julia, world weary and far more tired than she would let on, left for her tent just outside of town. Her past and her memories chased her relentlessly. She tried to outrun them with alcohol and dreams.

She laid down and pulled her bedroll around her. Snuggling in, she drifted into a fitful, drunken sleep. She _didn't_ dream. She didn't _remember_. She just floated in a void of static and _nothing_.

The next day would be the first day of the rest of her life. She was looking forward to it.

She was _tired_.

* * *

Lup tripped over the root of the tree that was currently hiding her wagon. Hiccuping and staggering slightly, she happily patted the head of the owlbear that caught her with his large head and scritched under his chin. "Heyo Soren. Hunting good?" The owlbear clicked its beak and growled. She nuzzled its feathery fur and hummed in glee. "Keep guard, 'cause mama had _one_ too many to drink and her head is _killing_ her already. Kill anyone that gets close kay?"

Soren hoot-growled and Lup scritched his head again. He turned his head to get the max scritching power, rumbling happily, and Lup giggled.

"Atta boy. That's my handsome birb. Now off I go, to sleepytime junction! Train's pulling in to Lup Station! Let's board _now_!" She laid down on the hard pine of her wagon's bench and snuggled up against her staff. As she closed her eyes, the memory of Hekuba and Julia crossed her mind. A stern, angry dwemmarm and her kids. A tormented and scarred goliath. A young dwarf and their brother, both precocious and delightful. The feeling of _de-ja-vu_ and _je-na-sais-quoi_ that threatened her waking moments. The feeling of loss and missing.

_A hand in hers._

She grabbed ahold of Morpheus' hand and allowed him to guide her to dreamville. She avoided the touch of the Oh-God of Hangovers. She danced with Bacchus. Everything was good in her dreams. _Nothing_ was wrong.

Sleep claimed her.

* * *

Hekuba tucked Mavis into bed and kissed her forehead. " _Are you comfy bright gem?_ "

" _Yes, Mama._ " Mavis yawned and knuckled her eyes. " _Do you think we'll find Dad with this job?_ "

" _I think we'll at least find Uncle Rockseeker_ ," Hekuba nodded. " _And if we find him, we'll definitely know where your father was last._ " Mookie snorted and rolled over, a gobbet of drool stringing from his mouth to the pillow beneath him. " _Now don't you worry shin kadôl, Mama's gonna make sure that you're safe. You and little mud ball._ "

Mavis giggled. " _Okay Mama._ " She rolled over on her side and yawned again. " _Mama?_ "

" _Yes?_ "

" _I think that Madam Lup and Madam Julia are good. You should stay with them. They'll keep you safe too._ "

Hekuba felt a knot tie itself in her guts. Nausea chased fear chased anger. She masked it with a parental smile. " _I'll keep that in mind._ " She placed a kiss to Mavis' forehead and then pressed her own forehead to hers. " _May the stone embrace you._ "

" _May the stone grant you echoes of its own truth in your sleep,_ " she replied, drowsy and content. Soon her breaths evened out and she was sound asleep, leaving Hekuba alone with her thoughts.

_Merle goddamn Highchurch, when I find you, you and I are gonna have a heart-to-heart. And then you're gonna be a father or you're gonna fucking let me be. No more half-assing you witless shitfuck. I'm coming with you and I'm bringing the pain, you can bet on that._

_May Calypso bless me, guide my ways, and bring the wind to my sails. My ship relies on the map of her skin to find our home. Do not allow me to falter. Do not allow me to lose my way. And when I find the object of my ire, may she swell in passion with me and drag it deep beneath the surface to its grave. Amen._

And Hekuba went to sleep, her kids in the bed above her as she nestled on the floor. Their soft snores were her lullaby. Their even breaths were her heartbeat. Their presence was warmth.

So long as she had them, she wasn't alone.


	2. Ep. 1: Bugbear 2: Electric Boogaloo (pt.1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lup has a very gay crisis and then a reminder that also dudes are super fucking hot too.
> 
> Hekuba nearly kills a man in order to find another man.
> 
> Julia gets lost in her memories, for a change.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm super fucking gay. So is Lup. Everyone is gay. I have one helluva type. I am projecting like fuck. Hot damn.
> 
> ...poor Julia...
> 
> *Edited for clarity and erasing bullshit that looks bad.*

To say that Gundren wasn't pleased to see Hekuba was a  _severe_  understatement. He was  _horrified_. As the dwemmarm marched toward him, hands crackling with arcane energy, he backed up against the wall, hands outstretched in a gesture that might have been pleading but just read as pathetic, "N-now Hekuba—!"

" _Where_  is  _he?!_ " Her voice was low and growling and Lup had literally never been more gay in her life. Never. Not even that one time in Taer.

" _Mama!_ " Mavis—the eldest Roughridge child and the one that Hekuba called bright gem—called out to her mother. Her brother squirmed in her arms uncomfortable with being jostled about. " _Please Mama! You said you'd ask him first! We gotta find him! We gotta find Dad!_ " Her eyes darted back and forth between her mother and her uncle as she tried to placate the dwemmarm.

"L-listen to Mavis, Hek," Gundren was sweating bullets, palms facing outward as he tried to placate his second cousin twice removed. "Just..let me explain,  _eh_?"

Hekuba was having _none_ of it. Not a _single_ fucking _one_. She continued to charge up magic, readying a spell to smack Gundren point-blank if he didn't comply fast enough. A flicker of Witch Bolt danced across her fingers as she took aim. Her magic's source lifted her off the ground and Lup noticed how her eyes flashed as lightning did out at sea during a storm. She was horrifying. Amazing.  _Terrific_.

God _damn_ Lup was weak for women like that.

Just before Lup would either watch Witch Bolt in action firsthand _or_ get to see Julia put Hekuba in an arm-bar, a ripple of staccato notes drifted across the inn that Gundren was using as his meeting place. With the music came a wave of calm and the subtle wash of arcana. Gundren sighed in relief as Hekuba slacked up, her own magic dissipating into the air. " _Thanks_ Kravitz. I owe ya' one,” Gundren nodded at the tall, well-dressed drow who had, unbeknownst to all three women, been standing in the corner of the inn the whole time. He flashed a bright and pointy smile at Lup, Julia, and Hekuba as they all turned to stare.

"You're  _paying_  me to do this," Kravitz nodded in what seemed to be smug agreement. He eyed the three women before him and his brow furrowed. "Calm Emotions is a good spell for days like these. Don't want to die before the job starts. Looks bad on my portfolio.”

Lup smiled lazily. This was a feeling she  _liked_ , the calm waters of apathy. "Hey Gundo? Fucking tell her where her soon-to-be-ex is? Cause like...she threatened to tear a dude's head off and shove it up his ass last night, in front of the squirts, language and all, and she's a  _little_  angrier now." She giggled at the look of abject horror dawning on his face. "Also: I have an owlbear waiting on me and Soren gets really kinda tetchy if I don't check in and give him the all clear,” Lup added for good measure. She didn't need to but _damn_ if it wasn't fun.

Gundren grunted.  _God_  that had to be a dwemmor thing cause she had  _literally_  never heard Hekuba do that, even when she was presenting male. " _Ffffffffine,”_ he drew the word out like it was poison. “Alright. I haven't seen Merle since about three months ago, when we did that thing at the place."

" _Specifics_ , Gundren. I've got kinda no qualms about lettin' Hek just have at'cha. Aye-dee-kay about Jules, but fuckall knows that if she has to do the interrogation thing with your barely-conscious ass then that's on you,  _mm_?" Lup leaned on the umbra staff.  _This_  was something she was good at, calm or no. Threats were threats; no anger needed. Didn't have to follow up on them either. Just sharp words coating a pillow. And words were easy for her. They always had been.

Gundren was suitably terrified. Also, judging by the way his armor pinched, _very_ horny.

 _Blech_.

"N-now there's no need for  _threats_ —" Hekuba glowered and Gundren stopped with the excuses. "—party and wedding. Then after that was a foray into the, _ahh_..., Felicity Wilds I  _think_? I don't really remember? We were  _more_  than a little wasted, and not just on alcohol alone. There was some...," and here, Gundren had the courtesy to look ashamed, "there was some druidic...well... _heh_...things didn't  _quite_  look like they should and let's leave it at that."

 _Oh! Ohhhhhhh...they were doin' the aasimir dust. Damnnnnn!_  Lup tried to remember the last time she tried that kind of hard drug. It had to have been like at  _least_  a decade ago. If she was recalling that particular party properly, she wound up on top of a clock tower, ass-naked, with magical fireworks strapped to her tits. Something about fantasy Katy Perry?  _Whatever_.

Hekuba's face clenched but when Mavis tugged on her armor, she relaxed a bit. " _Thank you,_ " she grumbled, "for telling me. I'll make sure to kick his ass a  _little_  less hard." Gundren looked relieved for a moment but then she leaned in so that her nose was pressed against his and leered. "But know this, Rockseeker," Gundren paled and started sweating again, " _if you've been lying to me or if you sent me on a wild goose chase, then I swear by Calypso's wild rage, I will find you again._ " She didn't leave the threat hanging, it was complete. Also completely, just so fucking horrifically,  _erotic_.

Lup realized then that she  _super_  liked religious invocations when done in anger.  _Damn. Maybe I should get in on this religion thing._

_Would I go to Hell for that?_

As Lup pondered her gay-ass predicament, Julia sighed and scratched one of the large burns that ran along the back of her head. "Look, Mx. Rockseeker—"

" _Mr_ ," Gundren corrected.

" _Mr_. Rockseeker. I'm not too sure about all of Hekuba's intentions, but I'm pretty sure that Lup and my reason for being here is your job offer, am I wrong?" She turned her ice-blue eyes to Lup, who nodded and gave a distracted thumbs-up. "So the  _details_  if you please? Your missive was promising."

"Yeah, I mean, I'm all for Hek just up and tearin' your junk off, but I came for the  _monayyyyy_ ," Lup shot Gundren the double-finger-guns-and-a-wink and clicked her tongue. Gundren was now very confused. _Possibly_ suffering from emotional whiplash?

"I will say that it was a bit... _too_  promising?" Julia was trying to be diplomatic. Key word: trying. She wasn't really built for small talk but Lup was!

"Gundo," Gundren looked like he wanted to up and just make sweet love to the dirt under six feet of peat. Lup knew shit was going  _so_  good. "It smelled more like a scam than Arcaneology as a religion. If I can call bullshit on it, it's a little fishy,  _yanno_?"

"Fair point," he drew in a deep breath and exhaled. "I can understand why you would think that."

"'The last job you'll ever take' seems like a pretty ominous promise, my man." Lup was smiling and seemed genial but she had a keen eye watching both Gundren and his bardic flunky, Kravitz.  _They will kill you if they catch you; but first they must catch you. Weren't nobody gonna catch this elf!_

"I  _told_  you the wording was wrong," Kravitz smirked at Gundren, who grimaced. "Maybe next time let the  _bard_  write the offers?"

"Yeah  _yeah_ ," he waved his hand, idly brushing off Kravitz's gentle repose. "What I meant  _wasn't_  that you were being hired as canon-fodder, but that the payoff is just  _so_  damn good."

"What _kinda_ good are we talking?" Lup raised an eyebrow.

"Triple digit steady income good."

"Count me intrigued.  _Continue_...," Hekuba looked hooked now, motioning for Gundren to finish his thought. Steady income was, to be honest, a rare commodity, and anything higher than a few GP was a luxury at the least. Triple digits were just beyond amazing.

"First though, family or not, I need y'all to prove you're more than capable of doing what I ask of you. The test job is pretty damn easy: I need you to escort a wagon of shit I need from here to Phandalin. S' a small mining village just west of here. Pretty hard to miss." He jumped as Julia uncrossed and recrossed her arms. "And you  _will_  get paid for this as well. It's not included within the original perimeters of the job call, so we're comping you  _and_  paying extra." Placation and platitudes. Man what a weenie.

"How much?" Julia's voice was stern. Not mad, angry, or threatening, just  _stern_. Seemed her modus operandi, really.

"Three hundred gold total—one hundred for each of you—upon arrival."

Lup met Julia and Hekuba's eyes. It was tempting.  _Very_  tempting. "And the second half of the job? The part that's advertised?" She wet her lips.  _Gods this was fucking close to being ideal. So damn close. They must catch you. They will kill you._

"That'll be discussed at Phandalin. Prying eyes and prying ears. Don't wanna spill the beans." Gundren's eyes flicked back and forth. Lup grit her teeth in a thin smile. "Is that fair?"

"Payment for  _this_  shit up front and I'm sold," Lup looked between the other women, "how 'bout y'all?"

Julia nodded, her face passive and unreadable. "Sounds fine."

They both looked at Hekuba, who was chewing on her bottom lip. Mavis stood there, a happy Mookie burbling in her arms, as her mother mulled it over. After a moment she nodded as well, a sharp jerk of her chin. " _Fine_. But you owe me directions to the Wilds when all this is done."

Gundren sighed, his shoulders relaxing as he let the tension out of his entire body. " _Thank Morthammer Duin._ " Kravitz chuckled wryly and Gundren shot him a fierce glare. " _Stuff_  it you! So, Kravitz will be accompanying me as my bodyguard—"

"A  _bard_?"

"You'd be surprised," Kravitz countered, giving Lup a smug grin. If her traveling companions weren't drawing all her attention, she might've appreciated how he looked in that fine-tailored suit. Still, there was something dashing about the multitude of silver piercings in his ears and the way his silvery hair was pulled back in a halfassed bun, curly strands ghosting over his forehead. He was, all-in-all, a  _fine_  specimen of drow but something deep within Lup was screaming 'HANDS OFF!' very loudly. She opted to listen to that something.

"— _anyway_!" Gundren forced his way back into the spotlight. "Kravitz is my bodyguard and we will be departing when the sun rises. Y'all can move on towards Phandalin later, when the wagon's all hooked up and shit. Don't let your owlbear eat my mules. I'm renting them." Lup sniggered but Gundren reiterated, " _rental_.  _Mules_. The owlbear does  _not_  eat them. Or you  _will_  pay, plus interest."

" _Stin_ -gy!"

"He has a point," Hekuba noted through gritted teeth. "Owlbears aren't very social when it comes to other wagon animals."

"Soren is a dearheart! Also he was raised in a stable near Rivenwald, so he has the 'don't eat pack animals' thing down. He mostly eats ROUSes.  _Mostly_..." Julia stifled a bit of a laugh.

"The pellets must be  _awful_ ," Julia deadpanned. Lup cackled and Gundren slapped his hands over his ears.

" _Fucking gross!_ "

"You haven't changed a  _diaper_ ," Hekuba added. Mavis groaned loudly, wiping a small gobbet of drool off Mookie's chin. Hekuba laughed.

"Well all-in-all, y'all accept the terms and conditions? Cause if not, I'm gonna hafta pay Craig again and that's  _some_  shit." Lup nodded, shooting a look at Hekuba and Julia. While Hekuba seemed to be pleased with the idea of payment up front and a reoccurring income, especially one that big, Julia was harder to read. Whether it was the large web of burn scars that covered a good portion of her face and visible skin or the fact that she just was a very hard to read person in general, Lup wasn't too sure. Either way, she let out a breath that she hadn't realized she'd been holding as Julia nodded gently.

"If it's the last job we'll ever need to take, then by all means, lead us to this job Mr. Rockseeker. I could use a change of pace." Julia nodded again and Gundren relaxed, a sort of lax worry lifting off him like gum off a shoe. Kravitz smiled serenely, seemingly tickled by the turn of events.

“So here's the directions to Phandalin—“

* * *

Hekuba brushed a strand of hair out of Mavis' face. She planted a small kiss on her forehead. " _Bright gem, are you ready?_ "

Mavis gave a wide and excited grin, " _Yes Mama! This is gonna be fun, right?_ "

" _About as fun as the other jobs._ " She looked stern but a small upwards turn of her mouth made it obvious she was pleased.

" _But Uncle Rockseeker is giving us this job!_ " Mookie shifted in Hekuba's grasp as Mavis' whine startled him.

" _But it's still a job, and jobs aren't always fun,_ " she swaddled Mookie up and put him on her back. " _You gonna be okay back here with Soren and Ruby?_ " Mavis snuggled in on the owlbear and worg-hound, giggling as Soren preened her hair gently. " _Alright. Be good. Keep an eye out. You'll do fine and we'll find your father and then we can head home. I promise_."

" _Be safe Mama_ ," she pressed her forehead to Hekuba's, closing her eyes and letting out a deep breath in sync with her mother. " _They're good women,”_ she added.

" _I'm sure,_ " Hekuba grumbled good-naturedly.

" _Madam Lup knows Dwarven!_ "

" _Don't **I** know it..._"

" _She said that she'll set anyone who tries to hurt me or Mookie on fire cause kids are fucking cute and we remind her of Soren when he was a hatchling!_ " Her eyes were stars as she spoke about the evocation wizard. Hekuba's heart swelled. It was hard for Mavis to make friends because they were constantly on the road but, even if it was a slightly off-kilter elven wizard, her having someone to talk to was nice.

" _Then I'm sure you'll be fine. Lup will be sitting with you anyway so I know you'll keep an eye on her and she'll do the same._ " Hekuba stood up. " _Mama's got to go hitch the mules to the cart. It sounds like Julia is getting kicked, hard, so be good._ "

" _Yes Mama!_ "

Stepping out of the wagon, the sudden intrusion of bright light hitting her square in the face blinded her momentarily. After recovering, Hekuba trotted towards the yokes. Julia was, as she assumed, having issues.

" _Backwards stubborn asses! You have less horse than_ **shit** _in you!_ " She was swearing in Terran, kicking at the ground.

" _Mules, much like their more stubborn parents, respond better to carrots than sticks,_ " Hekuba called out in kind. Julia's head snapped up and, for a moment so small that she almost missed it entirely, a flash of fear and calculating tactics was lurking beneath her unimpressed gaze. She walked up to the mules, palms outward, and kept her voice calm and smooth as she switched to Common. "And  _much_  like their taller parents, they're easily spooked. You have to prove you don't mean to hurt them before they let you near." One of the mules, a mare with a splotch of white over her left eye, allowed Hekuba to gently rub her nose. Her nostrils flared against Hekuba's palm as she took in her scent, then she pulled back and bayed. " _See?_  Calm and simple." Hekuba guided the mare to the yoke and hooked her up, whispering gentle praises and soft nonsense to her. She then focused on the other mule.

"I  _don't_...I've never been good at animal handling," Julia admitted. She refused to make eye-contact with Hekuba.

"Not everyone  _can_  be. Plus mules are an exceptionally difficult animal to handle, even for experienced people. They're the worst of horses  _and_  donkeys."

"The northbound end of a southbound horse...and an ass." Lup's cordial interjection startled Julia, who jumped again. "Jeezy-creezy dude. Fucking take a pill before you have a heart attack. Or, I dunno, hit the liquor or something. You're wound tighter than that bard-dude's lyre strings."

"I don't take kindly to people sneaking up on me. I've made my fair share of enemies who won't hesitate to stab me in the back." Julia grimaced, her myriad of scars pulling and contorting, a ragged red against the pebbly brown of her skin.

"Fair point." Lup shrugged and languidly swung her umbrella up over her shoulder. "Fuckall knows that if I made enemies like that, looking like  _you_  do, I'd be paranoid too. You're so ripped  _the Roc_  is jealous."

Julia blushed. Hekuba groaned. " _Fucking—of all the—flirting asshole of a—_ "

" _Ahh ahh ahh, beautiful, remember that some of us can speak Dwarven!_ " Lup stuck out her tongue at Hekuba, who grimaced.

"Enough dallying, you  _shits_. Let's go so that we can leave." Hekuba's face crinkled up and Mavis could be heard laughing in the back of the wagon. Whether it was about what she was saying or Soren and Ruby playing with her was unknown, but it broke the tension wide open and everyone relaxed visibly.

"Yeah  _yeah_ , you  _mom_!" Lup waved her hand in a roundabout manner and sighed. "Let's do-it-to-it!"

Julia scanned her two companions, "Should I drive?"

"I would've offered but _beautiful_  here delegated me to munchkin duty so,  _sorry!_ " Lup didn't sound even  _remotely_  sorry.

"I don't  _do_  driving," Hekuba shrugged. "We walked. And home was near the sea, so I'm better with  _naval_  than  _land_  vehicles.”

"Me it is, then." Julia took the reins and nudged the mules forward with as gentle a whip she could. "Just hope we get there soon."

"Gundren said it wouldn't be more than one day's ride to Phandalin. If we take two breaks during the day to let the mules rest, we should get there a little after nightfall." Julia nodded as Hekuba pointed her in the right direction.

"Sounds like a riot!" Lup hollered from the back, immediately going back to muttering to Mavis in Elven.

Julia was silent for a while; the only noises being the clopping hooves of the mules, Lup's giggled whispers, and Mookie murmuring around his fist. With a soft sigh, she asked, "You sure it's wise to leave Mavis with her?"

Hekuba snorted, "No. Not at all. But I trust her  _owlbear_."

"Fair point," Julia sighed in amusement. She did a lot of sighing, Hekuba noted.

"How about  _you_? Any family or kids or anything?" Even with an innocuous statement like that, Hekuba would've had to have been blind to miss how Julia tensed up and distanced herself.

" _No_. Just me."

Hekuba swallowed guilt. Julia went back to silence.

Behind them, Mavis let out a pleased squeal that dissolved into giggles. Hekuba smiled wistfully. Julia remained distant, but the tightness around the corner of her eyes indicated so much.

* * *

Julia was going to throw herself off of this cart as soon as she could. This was possibly the most  _boring_  job she had ever taken. Ever. Just open road, two mules, a cart full of supplies for something, a few annoying people, and the promise of something far greater. It left the taste of pennies and lilac on her tongue. She hated it.

She hated everything that Hekuba stood for.

She _hated_ that she hated Hekuba.

 _"How about you? Any family or kids or anything?"_  It rattled around in her skull, marbles made of pain and regret.

 _Fuck_. She hated this so much.

Lup was... _okay_? Eccentric, sure, and easy to turn to drink it seemed, but she came off personable enough and had a good head on her shoulders. Even though she gleefully fired off pyrotechnics that set Julia's teeth on edge, she seemed to ground Hekuba's more irritable, impersonal attempt at people and her own bullheaded rushing in. An anchor made of liquor bottles and an umbrella. An odd group for sure.

And there was a sense of familiarity that lurked underneath the surface of their oddball interactions that Julia didn't quite get. It was the same feeling that Julia got whenever she rubbed the metal seared into her ring finger. Longing. Loss. _Pain_.

She also felt guilty about Mavis and Mookie. Kids _that_ young shouldn't have to do this. They shouldn't have to move from place to place while knowing that their mother could easily bite it when they weren't nearby. But... _life happens?_  People  _need_  things. Kids  _can't_  be abandoned.  _Especially_  not kids that young. Mavis looked to be around ten or eleven and Mookie was...hard to gague but young- _er?_

At the moment, the group of five were taking one of the two breaks that Hekuba recommended. Despite her insistence that she wasn't proficient in land vehicles, she certainly _was_ a good navigator. She found side roads and cut-throughs that halved their travel time and  _then_  some. She had, upon Julia complimenting her, blushed gently and waved the compliment away.

"When you live on the coast, you learn landmarks and formations quickly so you don't scuttle your ship on a reef. Doing it on land is just as easy, and I've been through here before."

"Still, that's pretty neat!" Lup chimed in, taking a moment from allowing Soren to groom her to happily let Mavis braid her hair. They young child seemed happy to have something to do while her brother was coddled.

"Thank you, then," Hekuba acquiesced.

Julia observed how easily Lup interacted with Mavis and Mookie, bouncing the smaller of the two up and down and letting him gnaw on the handle of her umbrella. She giggled when he zapped himself with arcane sparks but never once did she let him hurt himself. She also treated Mavis like an adult, like a  _person_ , and they young dwarf happily payed attention to her in return. That meant a lot to kids, if Julia remembered correctly.

She always wanted kids. _They_ always wanted kids. It was a pity it never had a chance to happen.

She had a feeling he would've loved Mavis and Mookie. She knew he would've lost his goddamn mind over Soren and Ruby.

She tried to forget him and bury his memory under focus and obsession. She didn't have time to be distracted by emotions. She didn't want to be burdened with them.

"I just hope everything was as Gundren said. I'd hate to have to deal with him." Julia was only _partially_ kidding, but Hekuba grimly nodded in agreement. Lup just giggled and said something in Dwarven to Mavis.

"You'd have to pry Mama off him first!" Mavis called out in heavily-accented Common.

"Gonna kick yer _ass_!" Mookie hollered in agreement, strings of slobber dripping down his chin and soaking Lup's tattered cloak.

Julia blinked. "Didn't know he could talk?"

"He  _can_ , he just likes to  _not_ ," Hekuba shrugged. She went back to scanning the horizon for any sort of danger.

"Knew a kid like that once. Didn't talk unless he had something down  _pat_. Wound up teaching him CSL and we just signed the day away." Lup flipped the heavy braid that Mavis had woven over her shoulder in a dismissive gesture. The wooden beads that Mavis had bound in it clattered against the side of the wagon. She smirked. "Could teach the lil monster if you like. Be good to talk to I bet. You've got lotsa little marbles of gold rollin around in that noggin of yours  _huh_? What say you  _tomek ol biban_?"

Mookie met her eyes and broke into a wild grin. He cooed and she ruffled his mop of muddy curls. He chirped "yeah!"

"That's a yepperino from this lil man. How bout you,  _äkim ustos_? Do I have the all-clear from momma bear?" Julia thought she was going to  _die_. Every time that Lup said things like that, Hekuba looked like she was going to hex her.

"I don't see why not?"

Mavis squealed, "Can I learn too? Madam Lup has been teaching me Elven! She knows a  _lot_  of languages!"

Julia and Hekuba turned to face Lup, who grinned. "Guilty as charged. My job took me to some places that didn't speak Common so I picked bits and pieces up here and there. You'd be surprised how useful the phrase 'if you stab me, I will reanimate your corpse just to kill you again' is."

"Yeahhhh," Hekuba drew out the word as she thought. After a moment, she continued, "I think you knowing how to talk with  _tomek ol biban_  is a good idea. Then you can teach your Mama,  _yeah_?" Mavis grinned fiercely and Hekuba chuckled. Julia felt a knot tie in her guts. She  _hated_  hating them so much. She hated hating their family bonds. She hated hating.

Julia stood up and stretched the kinks out of her back. A series of snaps followed her movements. Lup made a 'wow, fuck, that sounds both gross and painful' face but Julia was a million miles away, drowning in a sea of memory.

_"What's your name little one?"_

_She does not speak. Common doesn't come easy but she also doesn't remember who or what she is. She chokes on syllables and he gently lays his hands on her head, gently tracing the nubs on her crown with his thumb._

_"Okay. Take your time. Do you speak Common? Or understand it?"_

_Slow nods, fearful eyes even though she could snap him in two and is easily twice his size._

_"That's good. My name is Steven. Is it okay if I call you Julia?"_

_Brows furrowed._

_He laughs. "It's the name of my sister. You look a lot like her, 's'all..."_

_Now he looks wistful and she debates as his hand draws back and she sees the rough scars that cross his palms and the burns that form a spiraling pattern on the heel of his hand. She reaches out and grabs ahold of his retreating hand. He starts but does not pull away. He relaxes. She traces his burns and scars. His half-lidded eyes betray nothing. Then she brings his hand to her face and traces her markings with his hand. Tears spring to his eyes. Even though she hasn't said a thing, she helped him. She understood. And he had heard._

_Sweeping her up in a hug, gentle but desperate, he held her close. "I love you Julia."_

" _Julia_?" The tension in Lup's voice drew her out of her stupor.

As her eyes refocused on the world around her, she inhaled sharply. Two dead horses, corpses fresh enough that there were no maggots, and a small army of gerblins. "Fuck," she said plainly, flatly. It had been some time since she had disassociated like that but apparently it consistently had shitty timing.

" _Fuck_!" Mookie repeated, happily wiggling in his swaddle, hooked around Hekuba's barrel chest.

"Looks like some excitement, _huh_ ladies?" Lup masked her fear with humor but Julia could easily see it all over her movement and her stance. Ready. Wary. _Concerned_. A silent signal to Soren. She was a coiled spring and Julia felt like, were it not for the overwhelming odds in their favor, she would bolt if given the chance.

"Who's going first?" Julia ducked her head at her companions, eyes warily keeping watch on the gerblins surrounding them.

"I don't know, wanna ask  _them_?" Lup pointed to a very dead gerblin, a crossbow bolt seeming to have sprouted from their chest. A red flower bloomed at its center. The metal of death assaulted Julia's senses. She hissed and bit her tongue, focusing herself in the here and now. Her vision crackled red.

"Then I guess I get to go then, unless someone wants to try diplomacy?"

"Certainly not  _Hek_." Julia noticed the way that Hekuba shouldered her crossbow on her collarbone. It hadn't been reloaded yet. That _had_ to be what happened.

"You?" Julia asked Lup, keeping an eye on the gerblins in front of them and an ear out for more. Guerrilla tactics were a gerblin's MO.

"Tried. The dead one said some awful things about Mavis and Mookie's bloodline, my weight, and your face so Hek said some nasty things about them being alive and," Lup shrugged and blew a raspberry. She was trying to look nonchalant. She was failing. The death of this gerblin was not something she wanted, apparently.

"Any of the rest of you feel like talking?" Julia projected her voice, drawing in a deep breath and trying to get it to every visible and not-visible goblin. "This is your last chance!"

Not a word was said in Common. Julia took that as answer enough.

"Your loss." With a scream, she swung her blade.

_May the Raven Queen greet you upon arrival._


	3. Ep. 2: Bugbear 2: Electric Boogaloo (pt.2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Julia is stereotypical.
> 
> Hekuba is sceptical.
> 
> Lup is diplomatic and also super goddamn confused.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can apologize until the cows come home but the fact of the matter is this: I had some IRL shit to deal with so this was put on the burner.
> 
> Now, apology aside, hope y'all like this one. It's a little...weird? Idk. Lots of shit that I pulled from Volo's Guide to Monsters so, in case you're confused, it's just lore bullshit. Mostly gods of monstrum.
> 
> I had to retool chunks of plot to make everything fit together better so if you are confused, please reread the previous chapters because I also edited them too. Cause I saw things and errors and they needed to fit with this.
> 
> And now that TAZ: Balance is ending soon (69!!!!!!!!) I have space and room and characters and a lot more fun to be had! Sad, yes, but goddamn I love this. I don't plan on abandoning this but know that I am a fickle creature and it may take me some time to add a new chapter.
> 
> And for those who thanked me for this fic and these characterizations: thank you! Lup is the one gal here that has any character in-canon so Hekuba (straying from the 'old ball and chain' role that people shoehorn her into most often) and Julia (the kind one, the soft one) are my best bet at having direction with. I wanted Julia to be the crashing wave that softened Magnus' edges. I wanted Hekuba to be a good woman in a shit situation with kids to worry about. I wanted Lup to not be Taako. So I did.
> 
> I hope this satisfies. I may put this on the wayside until Jump is finished (about 5 more chapters my dudes!) so who knows when the next one is out.
> 
> Also: this is where a huge chunk of canon divergence occurs. Heads up.

The battle was short and bloody. Julia was, despite her vicious appearance and aggressive nature, a fast and _accurate_ blade. Heads rolled and even the gerblin farthest from them perished. " _Da_ yum Jules," Lup had exclaimed as they looted the bodies for valuables and their ammunition, "you just fucking up and _wrecked_ their shit, didn't'cha?!"

"Got the job done," she grunted back and Lup cackled. " _What_?"

"I dunno," Lup drawled as she hooked her umbrella over her arm and poked around the horse corpses, "I think it's just a little _stereotypical_ s'all. The bloody, violent Goliath." She waved her hand in a roundabout manner and switched to Terran, " _fitting but a bit unusual. Not many allow the words of others to shape them._ "

"Well not many are as I _am_ ," Julia replied. She stowed away one of the gerblins' short-bows and shouldered the quiver. "And not many have _my_ enemies or my _past_."

"We all have our demons to face," Hekuba was busy wiping gerblin blood off of Mookie's face, kneeling down in bloody mud to spit-shine his dark skin. "And not everyone can just _pack up and leave town_." Bitterness seeped into her voice and Mookie let out a squawk of displeasure when she rubbed too hard. "Sorry _tomek ol_ _biban_ ," she apologized, following up with a bit of muttered Dwarven.

Lup replied in Dwarven and Mavis laughed, chiming in with a more cheerful response than the glare her mother gave. Mavis still seemed put-off by the violence but, for a child, she was taking the situation well. As in she wasn't crying. Or screaming. Or _unconscious_.

Hekuba sniffed, "Now come on. Soren is getting restless and we're behind schedule." As she said, Soren was pacing and clicking in frustration. His beak was smeared with gerblin blood and bits of viscera dangled in his feathers. Ruby was watchfully dozing near the mules 

"I wouldn't be so quick to run, Hek, cause dead horses tell no tales!" Lup gave a saucy wink that made Julia's skin crawl and even Julia's dull ears could pick up the grumbled curse Hekuba gave in response.

" _Common_ ," Hekuba demanded.

"I'm saying that dead horses mean an attack but no humanoid bodies means _captives_. Don't those horses look _real_ familiar?" Lup gestured to the corpses with her umbrella. Surprised, Julia knelt down to investigate closer.

The horses _did_ look familiar. One was a gelding, a soft brown coat with a sock on his front right hoof. The tack and saddle that he had on was a sturdy one with a shape for someone with narrow hips and short legs. The other horse was a Clydesdale with a russet coat, her cream-colored mane messily tied in a knotted braid. Her tack and saddle were a darker leather, soft and padded, and it looked like it was built for someone with more of a lanky and bony frame.

Gundren and Kravitz left on horses similar to these. In fact, judging by the crooked boot-prints and the thick heel of the other set of shoes, these were _their_ horses.

"Well _fuck_."

" _Fuck!_ " Mookie echoed. Mavis smothered a giggle.

" _Well_ _said_ Jules!" Lup chuckled and combed her hand through her hair. "Methinks that stumpy and his one-man-band were surprised and then dragged off to be someone's prize."

" _Hm_ ," Julia stood up and dusted off her knees. She turned to face Hekuba—no longer cleaning Mookie's face, but scanning the horizon—and ducked her head in the direction the final gerblin had attempted to run in. "That way then?"

"That's th' plan," Hekuba looked at Lup, "Do we take the goods with us?"

" _Nah_! We can just get Soren and Ruby to guard this shit while we go play fantasy Donkey Kong with a dwemmor and his drow." Soren, when he heard his name called by his mistress, screamed in understanding. "Find some bushes, set the guard, and _then_ go idiot-hunting!"

"How's your eye for camouflage?" Hekuba asked Julia, blatantly ignoring Lup and her apparent glee at the detour.

"Okay _enough_. I was mercing long before this so I _think_ I'm decent at hiding for ambushes." Julia shrugged and Lup let out a quick bark of surprise. "What's so funny?!"

"The concept of you, grease paint smeared across your face, jumping out on a robber. Fucking _golden_!" Lup slapped her knee and wheezed with laughter. Julia just huffed in response. "Look, tee-el-dee-arr, I think your skills are baller and also: _please_ don't kill me." Lup's cheeky grin never faltered and Julia found a sort of comfort in her shitty humor and batty confidence.

Julia quietly directed Mavis and Hekuba into finding foliage for camouflage as she dragged the cart back behind an outcropping of bushes. Ruby, ever dutiful, herded the mules over to the same general area and then sat to guard them. Soren just curled up in the wagon itself and stared into the distance. When she was satisfied that the wagon was not only well hidden, but guarded properly, Julia nodded at Hekuba. "Let's go."

" _Onward and upward!_ " Lup pointed a finger towards the sky and, Mookie on her shoulders, trotted off in the general direction of death and gerblins. Hekuba, resigned to her fate of babysitter for not only her own kids, but also a _grown elven woman_ , followed them with Mavis in tow. Julia was the only one who didn't immediately set off to their goal.

 _Something about this feels familiar and I don't like it._ She pursed her lips and tried to pinpoint exactly _what_ about this whole scenario was pinging her 'fuck this noise' radar. It wasn't Gundren; that was its own disaster. It wasn't the dead horses. It wasn't the battle or the rescue. It had _something_ to do with Kravitz and Lup and Hekuba. Something there felt comfortable and, as someone who hadn't known true comfort in _some_ time, she trusted _that_ feeling about as far as she could fly.

Yet...whenever she tried to focus on _what_ it was about this nonsense was bothering her, her brain glanced off the thought like hot butter off a pancake. She could taste the familiarity in talking to Lup and Hekuba but the _reason_ eluded her.

She didn't like that sort of mental bullshit _one little bit_.

"You gonna stay there until the horses reanimate or are you gonna come with, Jules?!" Lup's cracking laughter snapped Julia out of her thinking and, with a start, she sprinted to catch up to the rest of the party.

_I just don't like this. Something isn't right._

* * *

Whatever the _fuck_ was going on, Hekuba didn't like it. She didn't like the trail that was too easy to read. She didn't like the way that Lup skipped on, Mookie on her shoulders, as if they were on a fucking _field trip_. She didn't like how Julia _savagely_ tore into those gerblins one moment and then became quiet and complacent and _distant_ the next. She didn't like how quiet Mavis was being in the face of so much death. She didn't like the thought of Gundren being dead.

Every Calypso-damned part of this _shitty_ adventure was just rubbing her the wrong way. She wanted to find the source of this nonsense and tear it up by the roots.

If Gundren had been kidnapped then that meant that, _yes_ , prying ears indeed. However, if Gundren "I can bench press a humanman and still belch the alphabet" _fucking_ Rockseeker and his warrior-bard got ambushed and dragged off, who did it? Certainly not gerblins, cause Lup _sneezed_ and killed some of them. A gerblin _oid_? If she knew her monstrum, the closest gerblinoids were the trolls that inhabited the fen just a few miles south of Phandalin. And trolls did _not_ ambush. Trolls _smashed_.

 _Most_ gerblinoids smashed, in fact, and they tended to be subservient to more powerful monstrum. So, point in case: if Gundren and Kravitz were _ambushed_ and _not_ killed—which could be assumed from the lack of blood and corpses—then _who the fuck_ was leading the gerblins?!

And _another_ thing! If they _had_ been ambushed, whatever organized the ambush should have set up a contingency plan! _No one_ ambushes and then leaves dead horses for any Joe Schmoe waltzing down the beaten path to find! That's a sure-fire way to get a bounty on your head and adventurers guild members breathing down your neck-stump!

The whole thing reeked of setup. Or _laziness_ , but Hekuba knew setup was more likely.

" _Shouldn't be this easy_ ," she muttered in Dwarven, " _something isn't right. What is it. **What is it?!**_ "

" _Prolly a trap!_ " Lup's cheery reply cut through the crimson haze of worry and frustration and _fury_. Hekuba snapped her gaze to the elf, who waved with Mookie's hand and smiled. "Thinking out loud, _beautiful_!"

Julia, whom Hekuba had _long_ -since realized _didn't_ speak Dwarven, held up a hand, signifying them to halt. " _Listen_ ," the Goliath commanded. Lup's ears flicked forward and even Mookie fell silent.

Straining her ears, Hekuba could hear a couple of excited gerblin voices and a low, not-gerblin voice speaking in Gerblin. She didn't speak _much_ of their guttural dialect—despite it being somewhere between Orcish and Dwarven, which were two languages she was fluent in—but she caught a few words she did know.

" _Gundren_."

" _Motivator_."

" _Dead_."

" _Reward_."

And, finally: " _Treasure_."

Julia stepped forward, hand already gripping the hilt of her sword, but Lup held out an arm and stopped her in her tracks. " _One mo_ Jules! Just chill for a second and let cha'girl Lup handle this!" Julia conceded and Hekuba exhaled softly when Lup handed her Mookie. "Aight, so this is gonna be lotsa talking in Gerblin but know I'm not fucking being a turn-coat, _kay_? So please _don't_ kill me." Then she stepped into the mouth of the cave and began to speak.

* * *

" _Yo!_ " Lup was aiming for diplomacy. Namely, she was aiming for diplomacy that she _couldn't_ get last time. " _What's up chuckleheads?!_ "

She couldn't see the gerblins—and non-gerblin—in the cave that lay ahead, but she could imagine the shock on their faces. Horror. Confusion. She wondered if they pissed themselves. That would be _hi_ larious.

" _Th' **fuck** is that?!_ " One of the gerblins answered with a shrill squeak.

" _No one of consequence! Just a **ran** dom passerby! Mind telling me what y'all are doing in that cave right there? Cause, I don't know bout you, but it looks like good shelter to me!_" Even as she spoke, umbra staff hooked in her elbow, she inched forward with the stealth of a cat. A fucking graceful motherfucking cat.

" _Nunya!_ " The other gerblin replied. They sounded like Kelsey Grammar. It was a weird juxtaposition to the concept of gerblin; smooth voice for a stupid, squat little froggy dude.

" _G'way!_ " The first gerblin added.

" _ **Look** dudes, I'm just looking for a place to chil **lax** , and this is some **primo**  real-estate. Mind sharing and-or pointing me in the direction of the realtor who sold you this cave?_" Lup gestured around, despite the gerblins being unable to see her. It was more out of habit than anything else. Made her feel safe. Made her feel like someone's got her back. Was in her alley, so to speak.

" _ **Nunya** and fucking **Beeswax**  Esquire the Skiggaretdamned **Fifth**. Now **piss off!**_ " It was the Kelsey Grammar-sounding gerblin that snapped at her as she inched farther in the cave system. " _This don't concern you!_ " Lup bared her teeth in a fierce grin, her elven eyes spotting shadows on the wall. She was getting close.

" _Now, now,_ " the not-gerblin placated, in a voice that was _oddly_ smooth and _controlled_ for a...cohabiter of gerblin-types, " _there's **no** need for that kind of language Yeemik. Have some tea and **calm down**. Our job here is **done**._ "

" _ **Fuck** you and **fuck** your tea!_ " The Kelsey Grammar gerblin—Yeemik—swore loudly and a clatter of cast iron tea sets hitting the rock floor echoed down the cave. Lup winced. Cast iron wasn't cheap and the lacquer on the inside could easily chip if dropped wrong. _Fucking rude._ A righteous fury, spurned on by a screaming, keening voice that howled for blood, bubbled up within her.

Lup rushed in.

And the not-gerblin—who was a _bugbear_ apparently so, _that's_ a thing, _huh_ —had already taken care of the dissenter.

That is to say that Lup walked into the cave to find a gerblin huddled in a puddle of his own piss, a decapitated gerblin that looked _oddly_ like Common, and a bugbear who was breathing heavily and cleaning blood off his claws. Upon her ingress, the bugbear flashed a winning smile and brushed his claws on his fur. He extended a large paw out to Lup, " _Welcome_! I'm _so_ sorry you had to come at such an inopportune moment but...my business associate and I had a... _disagreement_." His voice was low and his Common was _perfect_.

Lup took the bugbear's offered paw and shook it. When she drew away, strands of blood lingered. Ew.

The scene was _about_ how she imagined it. One cast iron tea set, upended on the floor and chipped, with a puddle of what smelled to be a peach blossom white tea trickling out of it. One dead gerblin. One not-dead but certainly terrified gerblin. And one _strangely_ cordial bugbear.

"No sweat. Name's Lup man, what about you?" She leaned on her staff and tried to project a cool and collected persona. It wasn't working too well. Her smile was a _bit_ too wide.

" _Oh!_ " The bugbear put a paw to his mouth in shock and shook his head slowly, "how _rude_ of me! You _are_ the guest, after all. I'm Klaarg. Pleased to make your acquaintance, Lup."

" _Likewise_ big dude," she shot Klaarg a wink with accompanying finger guns. He chuckled. "Not to be _fresh_ or nuthin but, you mind me asking _what the fuck_ Common Grammar, piss-pants, and you are up to?"

Klaarg, to his credit, did not hesitate or attempt to lie. He just grunted. "Work. I'm in charge of—well, I _was_ in charge of—a group of gerblins whom were tasked with _ambushing_ and _abducting_ one Gundren Rockseeker and _anyone_ found assisting him." The bugbear waved his claws in a genial roundabout manner. "One Kravitz McAllistair was collateral and, while not ideal, is a _rather_ fine prize."

" _Oh_?" Lup's ears flipped up and she leaned forward.

"In _deed_ ," Klaarg moved to make more tea and Lup assisted by lighting the fire beneath the kettle. "You see: drow have the capabilities of _elves_ but the _stigma_ of monstrum and _thusly_ , are excellent bargaining chips when dealing with hostile monstrum. The Motivator, while not monstrum themself, is monstrum- _inclined_ and does deal with other such purveyors of unusual stock." Klaarg broke into a nasty smile—his blood-matted dreads of fur parting around his insectile horn and serrated tusks—and nodded as if Lup had been agreeing with him the whole time. "So, in the end, the Motivator gets what they desire and we get payment and _then some_."

The hair on her nape prickled and she bit at the urge to set shit ablaze. " _Stock_?"

"Not what _I_ would consider civilized behavior but...gerblins will be gerblins and monstrum will be monstrum. So long as Magubliyet holds reign over the gerblinoid pantheon, the slave trade _will_ continue. But," he brightened up as the kettle screamed, "good things come of the trade too. _I_ did, and here we are!"

" _So_...how did you—?" Lup began but Klaarg silenced her with a cup of tea pressed into her hands. She slurped the scalding drink and sighed in appreciation. Her ears relaxed and the weight of her many piercings dragged the tips down. " _Oh wow_...this is just... _wow_..."

"I'm glad you like it!" He clasped his paws together in joy and his ears flipped back and forth. "It's one of my _favorites!_ So _hard_ to get this time of year! It's called ' _Tanaka Momotaro_ '. Light and crisp!"

Lup rolled the tea around in her mouth for some time and then exhaled the smell and taste of it out of her nose. Crisp, clean, and warm. She could imagine the symphony of flavors that would make this tea just pop. A smoky cheese. A briny fish cooked with a pallet of earthy long-grain rice. A cup of this tea and a candied peach slice with an icing blossom. Elegant and tasty. Tasteful and balanced.

"M'gonna hafta get that shit later man. Tell me your dealer so I can get a hookup." Lup hummed in appreciation and Klaarg laughed.

"I _think_ , should we part on kind terms, I can acquiesce. Otherwise, I can guarantee nothing. My apologies."

" _Aight_. That's fair." Lup sipped what was left of her tea and thought. "So, like I was saying: how are—and lemme know if I'm just poking the bugbear, as it were—how are you so _eloquent_?" She began to babble a bit as the small (unusually loud and tenacious) voice in her head screamed even louder about how she was super fucking this up _why are you just sitting here talking to a goddamn **bugbear?! Fuck!**_

"Don't worry about offending me. That's one of the most _polite_ ways you could have asked." Klaarg smiled and sipped his tea. "I am the product of the Miller family's more... _unethical_ experiments. A sort of way to...take the _monster_ out of the monstrum, as it were. I have an inhibitor that, when _functional_ , allows me to be nice and complacent. It drowns out the screams of Hraggush. I can be _civilized_." Lup stared, agog. The voice in her head grew louder, raging at the way that Klaarg had been treated. "But the prototype was faulty and I was...more-or-less scrapped. I may have mauled someone though, so me _only_ being kicked from the lab was a blessing. No one else died!"

There was silence before Lup slurped her tea again. " _Damn_."

"Damn indeed," Klaarg solemnly bowed his head and sipped his own drink. A pause. "And yourself? I'm not so dim as to assume you're _just_ looking for a cave to live in."

A stupid grin spread across her face and Lup giggled. "Heh, _yeah_. I mean, you're not _wrong_ my dude. Though I _will_ admit," she leaned back against the wall of the cave, "it is a _baller_ cave. _Nice_ and cozy." Klaarg huffed with laughter. "But, _ah_ , I'm actually...our jobs are apparently... _oppositional_."

Klaarg grew silent. " _Ah_ ," he said. It wasn't surprised or confused, but _sad_. A sad realization.

"All-in-all, I'd really like to keep things chill between us. You're a p rad dude, Klaarg, and Jules isn't the _most_ charismatic. Nor is Hek but at least Hek can't chop your head clean off _so_..."

"You're here for Kravitz then?"

" _Gundren_ moreso, since he's our boss, but Kravitz will do for now. We just kinda wanna get paid and...since _you_ already got paid for _your_ bit...?" Her voice pitched up and she hemmed and hawed. She didn't want to say it. She just _didn't_ but...

"I think that's amicable." Lup jumped at Klaarg breaking the tension. Her ears flicked in confusion but he didn't allow her to ask him. "You may have him."

" _Uh_...you _shitting_ me?!" There was _no fucking way_ that Klaarg was just gonna fucking up and let her take Kravitz.

" _Hardly_ ," the laugh that escaped wasn't sad or anything; just resigned. "I just see something I like in you, Lup. You're willing to listen, regardless of race. That's a trait few have."

"I just...conflict isn't always the right way, yknow?" Lup pawed at the hem of her shirt, trying to not think about the sound of tens of people being burnt alive. She closed her eyes and gritted her teeth and swore under her breath. Then she exhaled slowly and opened her eyes, meeting Klaarg's own faceted gaze. "Thanks dude."

"My pleasure. Kravitz is safe and sound, if not startled, in the chamber behind you. _This_ one," Klaarg pointed one lazy claw at pisspants the gerblin, who whimpered, "is the only one left here. The rest followed their hobgoblin up north. Do be safe."

"Yeah...you too." Lup placed her cup gently back on the tray and gave Klaarg one last look. "Do you...would you have any info on the...uhh... _dude_?"

"The Motivator? A nasty one. Orc, yes, but Grummsh doesn't have any hold on him. Instead he uses his wit and his words to beguile and ensnare. _Very_ smart. Don't listen to a word he says, Lup." Klaarg grabbed her hands in one of his large paws and pulled her close. She struggled, suddenly afraid for her life but Klaarg didn't attack, he just held on. "He will hurt you and he will use you but understand that he has a vice, same as any other." Klaarg let her go and ambled back to his tea set, gently gathering it up and placing it in a strangely adorable bag of holding. Then he grabbed pisspants by the hair and dragged him out of the cave.

When he was gone she unclenched her shaking fists. As Klaarg had grabbed her hands in his, he pressed something into her grasp. It was a ruby, small and cut in a simple emerald pattern.

"What the _fuck_?" She dragged a hand through her hair and hissed. That...wasn't _normal_. Even for a supposedly 'less aggressive' bugbear, that shit was so far out of left field that it was fucking insulting the goddamn umpire. Instead of losing her cool and flipping her shit though, which is what she _wanted_ to do, she took a calming breath and walked back to the entrance.

When she emerged, ruby in hand and tensions high, Hekuba and Julia's head whipped up to stare at her. Lup waved cheekily.

Hekuba had been pacing, the obvious tracks in the floor showing exactly how frustrating it must have been to wait for Lup to do whatever it is she was doing without lashing out. Mavis and Mookie had sat down against the cave wall and were playing quietly. Julia had leaned against a tree and was watching with intensity. All of them looked how Lup felt: tense and fucking frustrated.

"All clear!" Lup flashed the okay sign and Julia sighed in relief.

"The gerblins?" Hekuba bent and took Mookie from Mavis and slipped him back into his swaddle. Mavis dusted off her breeches and stretched.

"One dead, one dragged away, one wasn't a gerblin." Julia raised an eyebrow—hard to read through the burn scars and lack of eyebrows—and Lup chuckled nervously. "Look, follow me. We didn't get Gundren but I'm certain that Kravitz knows where he went and _fuck_ man, we got that dude at least."

Julia and Hekuba shared a look and then followed Lup, Mavis between them, a magic light bobbing along to light the path for those without darkvision.

Whatever the _shit_ was going on here was batshit and _no one_ liked it.

And in the cave, Kravitz stirred, the ringing in his brain reminiscent of static. He tested his bonds and sighed when they refused to budge. The small coin in his pocket crackled to life and a hoarse voice warned him, " **You have to stay alive, Kravitz. They need you alive. Even if you have to lose yourself, stay alive**."

He didn't know what that meant but he was going to trust the coin. It hasn't led him astray so far. Besides, what's the worst that could happen?


	4. Ep. 3: Bugbear 2: Electric Boogaloo (pt.3)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kravitz wakes up.
> 
> Julia nearly kills a dude.
> 
> Hekuba wonders how far she would fall without her kids.
> 
> Lup just...really doesn't get shit right now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, after much procrastination and other shit, I have another chapter of Second Star! You can thank my beta, Karmahitme, for this chapter cause I mentioned an idea I had for it offhand and she pestered me until I felt guilty enough to finish it. You're the literary voice of reason I need! Thank you :D
> 
> I don't think this story will ever have an update schedule—mainly because I'm a garbage boy with garbage writing habits—but hot damn I will try.
> 
> And, because I am ye olde fickle bitch, I would like to know if any of y'all would like to see a longform genfic adaptation of Dianne Wynne-Jones' Howl's Moving Castle starring Lucretia as Sophie. Please enable me further.
> 
> And, as always, thank you bunches. 
> 
> (TW: panic attack and graphic depictions of strangulation and bruising caused by strangulation. Mild unreality issues too.)

Lup leaned down and smiled at Kravitz, who blinked blearily at the three adventurers and two children. "Up and _at_ -em, Atom Ant!"

"I—?" He started to ask and then stopped. He looked around at his surroundings and groaned. " _Fuck_."

"And he _fuck_ ing _gets_ it!" Lup's pseudo-delighted tone grated on Kravitz's—and everyone else's—nerves but only the drow showed his displeasure.

"Where's Gundren? Where's my—where's my _lyre_?" He sat up quickly, the shimmering static that engulfed his brain parting for pain and panic. "I— _gerblins_!"

"Done and _done_ my bonny young elf," Lup winked and shot him the double finger guns. "One dead, one pissed himself, and one was a _bugbear_ ; the rest of them were _long_ gone when we arrived." A wash of... _something_ rippled through Kravitz but he swallowed it down and shuddered in apprehension. Something was _super_ fucking wrong. _Beyond_ the normal types of wrong. And the coin. _The coin._

" _Okay_ ," he exhaled his fear and inhaled stability, "okay. First order: my lyre?"

"Box of stuff to the side probably has it, along with your armor and other gear," Julia jerked her head in the direction of said box just as Hekuba tugged Mookie out of it, chiding him gently.

" _Good_. Alright. Now...," Kravitz tried to stand up but realized he was still bound tight. " _Bindings_?"

"'Bout time!" Lup giggled and slipped a dagger through the knot at his wrists, freeing his blood-starved limbs. She put her weight on her umbrella and smiled cockily as Kravitz stood up and shook the pins out of his extremities.

" _Thank_ you." With nothing more said, Kravitz grabbed his possessions from the box, sighing when his lyre was proven to be unharmed. "Oh, _thank_ the Queen."

"Agreed," Julia said. Her face was still hard to read—stoic, yes, but also burn scars and a general Goliath demeanor—but the flash of appreciation wasn't lost on the drow.

" _Where_ -where's Gundren?" Kravitz scanned the crowd, eyes darting to find his employer but—

"Klaarg said the Motivator has 'im. Something about how his job was to _capture_ Gundren _alive_ and _deliver_ him." Lup, upon catching the confused glances of her fellow travelers, divulged, " _bugbear_. _Real_ chill dude. Gave me a ruby, some advice, and _you_ in exchange for just _talking_ with him and _drinking tea_."

Kravitz opened his mouth to question _why_ she had had tea with a bugbear and _why_ she attempted to just _talk to it_ but closed it with a snap. That seemed like typical Lup behavior anyway. Instead he opted to ask, " _Motivator_?"

"Something 'monstrum-adjacent'. I would as _sume_ orc or drow but _who knows_. Could be deep gnome or something even _more_ obscure. But Klaarg did mention Grummsh so...orc is _most_ likely." Lup shrugged. Julia and Hekuba looked like this was the first time they had heard this information.

(If Kravitz had to warrant a guess, it probably _was_.)

"Well then let's get on with it. I intend to get paid and, despite his demeanor and penchant for pinching the asses of young bar maids, Gundren _is_ a halfway descent man." With a sigh that seemed to carry the weight of the world with it, Krabbits stretched and pulled out a large leather tube from the box of stuff.

"Hold on one moment," Julia held up a finger and Kravitz stepped back a bit. She was... _intimidating_. "You have to rest. I don't have enough Lay on Hands to get you up to traveling or even _fighting_ conditions. Go back to Phandalin and sleep. We have this, I _guess_?"

"I _respectfully_ disagree Madam Julia," he didn't miss how she flinched at 'madam' and rubbed her thumb on the metal seared into her left ring finger. "A short rest will fix me _right_ up and, as much as I'd like to just let you traipse off and about, chasing after the Motivator and Gundren, you _need_ the map and you need _me_. I am, after all, his bodyguard."

"Th' fuck do we need _you_ for if we have a map?!" Hekuba crossed her arms. Behind her, arms-deep in the box of stuff, Mavis was playing an unwarranted game of hide and seek with her brother. "Hand it over and we'll move on. You need _real_ rest!"

"You're _more_ than welcome to take the map, that's not why I'm insisting you need me," he offered the leather container to Hekuba who snatched it away and pulled the vellum map out. "No, see the map is spelled to only reveal the location if doused in the blood of a _Rockseeker_. There _aren't_ any Rockseekers here but _I_ know where the map leads." Kravitz tapped his head with one thin finger and smiled.

(Mavis fell into the box with a yelp and Mookie giggled as she began to wriggle her way out of a strangely voluminous pile of leather armor. Next to them, looking strangely and deceptively innocent, Lup leaned back on her umbrella.)

Hekuba stared. True to his word, the map was a standard map of this part of Faerûn. It crackled with the faint buzz of arcana but revealing what it was or how it worked was beyond her. Her magic was _innate_. Maybe the wizard would know. " _Lup_!"

Lup strolled over to Hekuba and bent down to see the map over her shoulder. "Ye _p_ , momma bear?"

"Know what spell this is? And better yet, can you unravel it?" Hekuba slapped the back of her hand against the vellum, which made a ' _wubwubwub_ ' noise as it reverberated back and forth.

Lup peered at the map but Kravitz already knew. He knew _innately_ , like he had seen her in action a million times before, that she had no fucking clue. " _I'unno_. Best to stick with DJ Crevasse here on this one. I think he's got it down and, lamentamentable, I do _not_ have Locate Creature in my repertoire. Do either of you?" The other two women slowly shook their heads and Lup gave a feral and amused grin, as if she knew the answer before she asked the question. "Then looks like _you're_ leading this parade of pink elephants, Dumbo!"

Kravitz blinked in surprise. The sensation of familiarity juxtaposed with confusion blanketed him but...when he looked at Lup he felt like he could do anything. So he nodded, a bright grin parting his face. "Come on. I'll assume you have transportation _still_?"

Julia and Hekuba looked at Lup, wrangling a squirming Mookie out of the box of stuff, and shared a Look. " _We hope so_ ," they chorused.

Kravitz sighed.

Same as it ever was.

(Whatever _that_ mean.)

* * *

Julia was torn. It wasn't that she didn't _trust_ Kravitz—the man had proven himself a valuable ally early on when he charmed a group of ruffians who attempted to try highway robbery to fuck _right_ off—but every second she spent with this group felt like someone was shoving a slow and insidious ice pick through her tear ducts. She had one hell of a headache and her skin crawled every time she felt one of the other women (or _Kravitz_ ) look at her. It was fucked up and she _hated_ it.

True to Lup's word, Soren had _not_ eaten the mules. In fact, he and Ruby were curled around them protectively when the travelers arrived back where they stashed the wagon. Not _one_ item had been taken and all the animals seemed to be extremely pleased to see the group. Lup, in particular, tossed Mookie aside—much to Hekuba's dismay and the child's delight as he rolled, unharmed, along the ground—and tackled her owlbear.

" _Ohhhhhh_! Did you _miss_ mommy?! _Did_ you? Who's my _good_ little birb?" She cooed at the large animal who, surprising no one, trilled and hooted back. " _Yeahhhhhh_ , you did _so_ good!"

"Well at least we know we can trust _Soren_ ," Hekuba quipped. Julia smiled in response but quashed that expression to instead re-hitch the mules.

Kravitz assisted while Hekuba got her kids situated in the back with Ruby and Soren and Lup. The silence between Julia and the drow was charged.

Julia was taking Hekuba's advice. 'Carrot more than stick,' the dwemmarm had said—more or less. She gently coaxed the mule with the splotch up and whispered gently as she guided it to the front of the wagon. Combing her fingers through the mule's bristly coat, she hitched up one of the two pack animals. Kravitz followed with the other.

"Raven Queen, _huh_?" He broke the silence with a question, ducking his head to her insignia. She stood erect and quickly covered it with one hand. "No need for tension, I just wanted to make an observation. _Myself_ as well. Born and raised on the Queen's doctrine." He gently pulled down his collar to reveal a tattoo of the Raven Queen's mark. It was done in silver ink that stood starkly against his dark skin.

Julia relaxed a bit and continued to prepare for the journey to Gundren. " _Sorry_ ," she grunted, "most people don't like the Queen or Her followers. Even Her Lady has been forgotten in times of strife but Bacchus and Pan and Pelor remain."

"I understand. Not too much we can do but follow Her laws." He seemed genuinely interested in talking to Julia, despite her gruff demeanor. That meant a bit of _something_. Mostly _irritation_ , but something nonetheless. "I-I couldn't help but notice your _reluctance_  at the detour."

"Jobs are jobs," Julia replied without looking up. Her fingers, thick and scarred, worked with a dexterity that they seemingly should not have as she tied complicated knots and secured the canvas wagon covering. "The quicker done, the better. More money, less death, less _caring_. I have places to be anyway."

"You're very... _driven_ , then, aren't you?" Kravitz was on his back, making sure the axels and wheels were properly Mended but somehow, even beneath the wagon, Julia could hear his smile.

" _Hm_ ," was her only reply.

"Nothing wrong with that. However, She _does_ expect us to live to the fullest. That doesn't mean to _throw_ yourself in harm's way just to reach Her." Julia's hands clenched tight. The world flickered red and the acrid smell of smoke was everywhere. Kravitz was so far away now. His voice echoed across a century, a chasm so wide that even the _Queen_ couldn't cross it, a quavering ghost of... _something_. "You need to take care of yourself, Julia. _Trust_ me on this."

Taking deep, even breaths, Julia dug her blunted teeth into her lip until she tasted pennies. She drew on that throbbing pain and coppery taste to center herself. She needed to stay in the now. She couldn't keep _doing_ this.

A hand rested on her back and Kalen was there, smug look on his face. He was saying something, mocking her, taunting her, waving about a dagger that he joked he would thrust into her husband's heart. She roared and grabbed him, hands around his neck, and began to choke the life out of the bastard that ruined her life.

_Fuck 'to the pain'. Fuck revenge. This cockmonger is gonna die here and now._

" _This_ ," she hissed through clenched teeth and clenched hands and bruises and cracking skin, "is for _Magnus_." _Everything_. Everything was red and blood and Julia could feel Kalen's pulse weaken and stutter. She could _feel_ the arrhythmia take in as his lungs fought for air against a grip of stone and scars. She could see the snot bubbling out his nose as he drooled and _pleaded_. He was going to die.

She would avenge Magnus.

She would _kill_ this sonovabitch.

_She would—_

* * *

Hekuba huffed, chest heaving as she put her quarterstaff down and allowed her parasympathetic responses kick in. Behind her, stunned and quietly crying, her daughter held her son and comforted him as best she could.

" _What_ ," Hekuba asked through deep, shuddering gasps, "the _fuck_ was _that_?!"

Kravitz, only moments before hoisted by the throat, could only cough as he greedily took in air. He knew that his throat was going to swell up and breathing would become a chore so he needed as much oxygen as he could handle before he cast Cure Wounds on himself. The dark tint of his skin was already mottling red where Julia's hands had been, large marks in the shape of the paladin's grip bruising quickly. She _was_ strong, after all.

"Fuck if _I_ know," Lup shrugged, stooped down by Kravitz to help him stand again. "Good job, by the way. Quick thinking with the _thwomping_ and all."

" _M-mama?_ " Mavis' soft voice cracked. Even though the young dwarf had watched their group slaughter gerblins without so much as a _peep_ , the scene that had just occurred shook her terribly. " _Why did Madam Julia try to kill Mister Kravitz? Wh-why did she...did she do that, mama? Wh—?_ " Tears, fat and ugly, rolled down her face as she collapsed in on herself at last. Mavis knuckled at her ruddy cheeks and shuddered as she finally let it all come out.

She was only a _child_ , after all. She shouldn't _have_ to deal with this kind of emotional stress and violence. Guilt pounded down on Hekuba's shoulders and crushed her spine to an accordion of regret. She let out a soft whine in A-Minor and moved quickly to scoop up her distraught daughter and her son who—though he didn't see what happened—caught on to his sister's distress and was beginning to cry as well.

" _Shh, it's gonna be alright in the end. Shh-shh-shh...mama's here._ " She clutched her kids like lifelines and tried to soothe them through comforting touches. Mavis buried her face in her mother's beard and Mookie latched on to Hekuba's arm—not quite sobbing, but uncomfortable with the way the atmosphere felt. " _It's going to be alright_."

Kravitz, throat open enough to cast Cure Wounds, took a slow breath as the bruising around his throat accelerated and the swelling went down. The pattern of Julia's hands faded from a blistered red to a mottled plum, barely ripe with yellows and greens ringing the less damaged parts. When he could breathe normally, Lup let him go and, while he staggered a bit, he remained upright. "Alright," he wheezed, barely audible for a moment. " _Alright_ ," he tried again, much more clearly, "to clear the air: I _think_ she had a panic attack and lashed out."

" _Really_? What _fucking_ teed you off to _that_  one, _Fantasy Sherlock Holmes?_ " Lup, bending down to adjust Julia so she wouldn't be uncomfortable when she woke, shot over her shoulder. "Was it how she didn't look like she saw you or how she didn't respond to us calling her name? Or per _haps_ was it how she said 'this is for Magnus' and called you Kalen? _Do_ enlighten me, my dude, cause I am _enrapt_!"

"There's no need—"

" _Whether_ or not there's a need, she almost _killed_ you, homie! Whether or not she _meant_ to, you _almost_ fucking _died_ and that would have _destroyed_ her!" Lup was eye to eye with Kravitz now, finger level with his nose as she spoke. "I _know_ we haven't known her for long but she _disassociated_ during a _two hour portion_ of our trip. You tread _light_ around people like that!"

"I apologize but—"

" _Look_ ," Lup starting speaking in a shuddery and clipped version of something that sounded _adjacent_ to Elven and Hekuba could no longer make out what was being said. She could still infer from the _tone_ but the _words_ were lost.

 _Still_ , as she sat down with her children in her arms, Hekuba thought about the blind rage and pain in Julia's face as she squeezed Kravitz like a grape.

She didn't look _happy_. She looked _tormented_. Like she was protecting someone _no matter the cost_. Hekuba looked down at Mavis, now softly sleeping off her panic, and Mookie and frowned. _Who's to say I wouldn't do that for my kids, given the chance?_

Lup stopped yelling at Kravitz and switched her attention over to Julia, who was stirring with labored groans. "Oh, _look_ who's up!" The cheer in her voice was insincere in a guarded and pained way.

"I—" Julia's voice broke as her lips tore apart from the blood that bound them together, " _wh_ —?"

"You nearly _popped_ Kravo's head _clean_ off his neck! Mind telling us what the _fuck_ that was about?!" Lup wasn't being facetious as she leaned close to Julia and glared. While she seemed to be the type to resolve things without fighting, Hekuba figured Lup was willing to pop off right about now.

Julia winced, " _Kalen_ —?"

" _Not_ a _chance_ Jules! Just _us_ fuckos!" Julia winced at the nickname but Lup didn't indicate if she saw. Hekuba _did_ though.

(She was reminded of one of the orphans that sat on the pier in her hometown. They had lost their mother—their _only_ relative—in a massive storm that sank seven boats and drowned most of the crew. Whenever someone sang an old hymn to Calypso, they moved the same way, curling in on themselves and trying to not exist any more. It was heart wrenching.)

"That's _enough_ ," Kravitz rasped, authority and weariness resonating with each clipped syllable. "Let her _be_. Her trauma isn't our business. Besides," his smile was thin and forced and fooled _no one_ , "I'm _fine_."

With the way that Julia stiffened and the shuddery breath she took, Hekuba knew she saw the bruises around Kravitz's throat. "I'm _so_ sorry...I _don't_...I..."

Lup opened her mouth, a sharp reply written all over her posture, but Hekuba beat her to the punch. "It's _fine_. Kravitz isn't dead and _you_ aren't _either_. I won't hold you responsible for trauma based actions and I'm sure that neither will Lup." A pointed look at the elf whose ears flicked back in irritation. Still, the silence following spoke _volumes_.

Mavis shifted in her arms and Hekuba softly brushed a few strands of loose hair away from her forehead. Her face, once contorted in pain and confusion, was calmer now as dreams carried her softly to peace. Mookie snored softly as drool dripped down his chin. _Yeah_ , she reasoned, _I probably would have the same kind of rage in me if I lost my children. Who knows what I might do then?_

" _Look_ ," Lup pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed, "I won't hold the trauma against you but I _will_ hold you responsible for any and all actions taken. You didn't kill him _this time_ so we can probably write this off as a good thing but let us _know_ what triggers attacks like these. Fuckall if I know what does it to _me_ , let alone you. _Just_...," she sank in on herself and Hekuba saw Lup gently clutch her hands to her chest, fingers flickering rapidly like she was speaking to someone not there, "let us _know_ so we don't hurt you and you don't hurt us."

Julia looked between the three adults and two sleeping children. Hekuba suddenly wished she could read minds. Julia's face was impassive to begin with but, as shock and fear were the only emotions present in her eyes, Hekuba couldn't fathom what she might be thinking. Then, unsteady as the rest of them, Julia nodded. "Okay," she conceded. "I'll _try_."

"That's _all_ we can ask," Hekuba shifted Mavis slightly off of her to get up, Mookie cradled in the crook of her arm. "Now, bad blood all cleared up—" _for now_ , "—let's get going. I'd rather _not_ lose my only lead to where my husband is."

"I just wanna get paid," Lup shrugged, shooting a—not very subtle but _very_ irritated—look askance at Kravitz. "C'mon, get up ya big lug." She helped Julia stand up and get herself situated, groaning the whole time in mock strain. "Now don't fucking do that again!"

Julia had the decency to look embarrassed. "Sorry," she mumbled.

"All is forgiven," Kravitz replied as he herded Soren and Ruby into the back and rested Mavis on the two guard animals. "But let's hurry. The Motivator is... _less_ than an ideal person to let Gundren be alone with."

"Well, according to Klaarg," Lup snagged Mookie from Hekuba and swung herself into the back of the caravan, "the Motivator is good with words. If I got a good impression of Gundren, then that's a _bad_ thing for us, right Hek?"

"Dumb as a worg in heat," the gentle grumble of her oath caused a ripple of laughter to overtake the adventurers. At least they had _that_.

_But what will Mavis and Mookie think? What will they say when they wake and everything is almost as it was before? When we continue to chat cordially like Julia hadn't almost killed someone in a panic-induced rage?_

But that could wait. They had a dwarf to find.

* * *

Lup couldn't put a pin on what bothered her _more_ : Julia's rage and the sorrow that chased it, or everything that went down with Klaarg. On one hand: she knew, going in, that Julia was a loaded crossbow. She was scarred, scared, and tense. That was never a good combination on _sane_ people, let alone _traumatized_ people. Especially not traumatized people who can swing a greatsword with no effort on their part.

On the other: what the _actual human fuck_ was with Klaarg?! A calm and collected bugbear was weird enough but...one who not only allowed her to take his _prize_ but also gave her _advice_?! One who was cordial and easy to get along with? One who made Lup want to go back and find him and ask him to come along? Fucking _weird_ , that's what it was.

Never mind the constant sense of deja vu that was plaguing her the longer she spent with her three companions. Never mind the way that her brain raged against a fog that rivaled her normal blackout drinking. Never mind the fact that thinking about siblings made her heart hurt more than she thought was possible. Never mind that she felt like she had known these women since she was very young.

Never mind any of that. She had a job to focus on. And that job was currently unconscious in her lap and also snoring on her owlbear.

The trip didn't take long— _thank fuck!_ —but by then, Mavis and Mookie had both rubbed the sleep from their tear-crusted eyes and blearily inquired to what happened to 'Madam Julia and Mister Kravitz'.

"Well, when your mama made Julia apologize, she also made _Kravitz_ apologize as well. He just startled her and she had a panic attack and thought he was someone trying to hurt her s'all. Nothin' to fret your pretty lil head over." Lup tousled Mavis' hair—to the young dwemmarm's reluctant giggle—and looked over her shoulder at Julia and Hekuba and Kravitz up front, barely visible through the gap in the canvas covering. "But we're _much_ closer to getting your Uncle Rockseeker's ass out of the fire and back into the frying pan so that's p good, yeah?"

" _Mmhmm_ ," Mavis nodded and Mookie jammed the entire hook-end of the umbra staff's handle in his mouth in celebration. An arc of arcane energy crackled through him, bristling his hair up like a startled cat. Lup laughed and gently dislodged the slobbery handle from his jaw.

"That's for _holding_ , not eating," the chastising wasn't harsh, just amused.

The wagon jerked to a stop, shaking the passengers and product in the back. Lup gracefully rolled out of the back of the wagon and plopped Mookie on her shoulders. Mavis dropped down as well and the three of them looked expectantly at the large cave in front of them. " _Wave Echo Cave?_ "

Kravitz, one foot out of the wagon front, glanced back at Mavis in confusion. "Huh?"

" _This is Wave Echo Cave, right? Uncle Rockseeker always talked about here! Said I couldn't go cause I was too lil' and mama would kill him if I got hurt_."

"Damn  _right_ I would," Hekuba affirmed, mule reins in hand.

" _But he owns this whole complex. It's his daddy's._ "

"Well...you're not _wrong_." The drow seemed surprised at the acuity that Mavis showed but Lup was so fucking _proud_! _Attagirl_!!! "This is where he was headed. Where _we_ were headed. He thinks there's something deeper in that'll bring back the fortune the Rockseeker clan lost when this vein dried up. He just didn't want to go at it alone after Nundro and Tharden never reported back."

"Oh shit, is _that_ why they didn't come to Aunt Blargh's deathday celebration?! Gundren looked like he was gonna deck Martin Coralheart _square_ in the teeth on ol' Auntie Blargh's grave when she brought it up. Pissed as all hell." Hekuba tied off the second mule—brought to her by Julia, whose brows raised in surprise at this news—and dusted off her hands. "We just wrote it off as him being drunk as _fuck_ cause Great-Uncle Barrows bought gnommish absinthe to toast the day and he bout emptied it all by _himself_. Great-Uncle was pissed to shit and back."

"Your...family sounds like a fucking _riot_ ," Lup admitted, awe all over her everything.

"Largest one I know. The Coralheart-Roughridge-Rockseeker family goes way back. Lotsa surnames there but it's joined blood all through every last one of 'em."

Julia shifted uncomfortably in her armor. "That must be nice."

"Candlenights is a fucking _nightmare_ and you can't _ever_ schedule an event without taking into account the hundreds of feuds that are going on at any one time but, _ehh_..." Hekuba shrugged and took Mookie from Lup to swaddle him up for transport. Kravitz stood at the mouth of Wave Echo Cave and placed his arms akimbo.

"Well this is where we begin the _true_ test, ladies. Where mettle is _tested_ and warriors are _proven_! Where _true_ skill is finally realized! _Where_ —" in the middle of Kravitz's 'inspiring' speech, Lup had taken a running leap at the cave mouth and happily fell down the hole immediately inside it, Feather Fall slowing her descent. "Well _fuck you too_ , I guess..."

" _Too_ long, _didn't_ care!" Lup called back from within the mine shaft. A few beats passed after the sound of her feet making contact with the ground echoed up before she spoke again. " _Holy fuck_! Hey _Hek_?! What did Nundro and Tharden look like _again_? Cause I _think_ I found one!"

Because she was, _currently_ , nose-to-nose with an emaciated corpse of a dwemmor that she was _almost_ certain wasn't Gundren. Almost but...better _safe_ than sorry.

"Be right down! _Don't touch it_!" Hekuba called back.

"Like I'm gonna play tonsil hockey with a corpse! _No thank you!_ " Fucking gross. "But any day now! Death-y and I are not having fun _solo mio_ down here!" Man...what a way to start an adventure. Face-to-face with a corpse.

 _Quite_ an omen for things to come.


	5. Ep. 4: Bugbear 2: Electric Boogaloo (pt.4)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lup gets a new pair of shoes.
> 
> Julia buries two people.
> 
> Hekuba decides she's going to murder Gundren and is pretty sure no one will stop her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Starting the new year with a new chapter. Goddamn this one took a while and I'm not wholly satisfied with it but if I allowed my perfectionist habits to control me, I'd never publish ANYTHING. Still, my apologies for not getting this done sooner. Lotsa shit happened (mainly unemployment during holiday months) but I'm good. Things are looking up!
> 
> Karmahitme didn't beta this so if you see any glaring errors, holler at me.
> 
> (Also, the Amnesty bois are so good. So so good. I love all of them. Also I'm tickled pink that everyone giggled at Duck Newton but no one has pointed out that Edmund Chicane's last name is a few letters shy of chicanery, which is a grift.)
> 
> Thanks for your patience y'all. It means the world to me.
> 
> (Also, as a note: fuck consistency.)

After Hekuba climbed down and confirmed that the corpse that Lup had almost French-kissed was indeed Tharden Rockseeker, Julia and Kravitz went about giving him his last rites. It was disconcerting to see two people quickly prepare a corpse and send the Raven Queen blessings and offerings for his safe passage while the corpse's family shuffled through his possessions with little more than objective disinterest. Especially for Lup.

"The _fuck_?!" Lup gestured to the piles that Hekuba was making of Tharden's stuff. "Like, _for real_ , Hek?! What the _actual_ human fuck?! You find out that your relative has not only bit the big one, but also has been dead long enough to leave a pretty far-gone corpse, and all you're concerned about is _estate_?!"

Hekuba looked up and met Lup's eyes, "Tharden was a dick. No one liked him anyway. Besides," she placed his shoes in one of the piles, "some of this is going to the clan and the rest is finder's fee. The kiddos didn't even know hI'm anyway." She shuffled through the piles and bagged up one of them, cinching the drawstrings and setting it aside. "The clan has always worked this way though. S' tradition."

"Fucking dwarves," Lup rolled her eyes and focused on the kids. " _Y'all_ just okay with this?"

Mavis looked up from the game of pick-up she was playing with her brother—brilliantly utilizing many of the rocks on the ground. Her shoulders hit the bottom of her ears, " _It's tradition._ " She then looked down in time to catch Mookie trying to cheat and smacked his hand. He stuck out his tongue and their game dissolved into a wrestling match.

"Fucking _dwarves_ ," Lup repeated, more fondly this time. She shook her head, "A'ight. Your dead, your rules. So long as the Bone Zone is okay with it I'm chill." Julia and Kravitz, with the sixth sense that comes from living in a large household, looked right at Lup and Hekuba when she said that. Julia, per the norm, was impassive, but Kravitz was an open book filled cover-to-cover with blatant confusion. Lup shot him a thumbs-up and they both went back to their rites.

"Leaping Loafers?" Hekuba proffered the dead dwarf's shoes to Lup, who eyed the plain dress shoes with mild distaste. "They double your horizontal jump. I'm not just shunting off my dead cousin's footwear for chuckles. I don't need 'em, nor do I _want_ 'em. Julia can't fit in 'em unless there was some magic fuckery goin' on so...it's in the fucking air right now. Take it or _leave_ it." Lup's gaze flicked from the footwear to Hekuba and back again. She snatched them out of the dwemmarm's grasp and stuck out her tongue.

"I'm gonna glitz the _shit_ out of these ugly-ass shoes, believe you me!" Lup bragged, bagging the loafers with a hint of disgust, "and they're gonna look _so fresh_ that no one will know they're corpse footwear!"

Julia and Kravitz finished their rites and both walked over to the rest of the group. "His soul is with the Queen now." Kravitz gestured to the small grave where they had not only buried Tharden, but taken measures to Gentle Repose, a sprinkle of salt over his eyes and a silver piece clutched in his stiff hands. They also buried him with his feet at the head of the grave so any necromancers attempting to raise him would have a spot of trouble. The sigil of the Raven Queen didn't hurt either.

"Alright then let's get movin'." Hekuba gestured to Mavis, who helped Mookie to his feet, and jogged up to the rest of the group. Mavis and Hekuba took a moment to bow and pay respects to Tharden's spirit— _may the stone embrace him in warmth and may the sea guide his spirit to the Astral Plane in peace_ —but the group continued farther in after very little pause.

"That was...a fucking _experience_?" Lup tried to fill the silence that the cave brought; tried to drown out the doubt in her own head.

"Not expectin' _that_ ," Hekuba—bless her dearly for humoring one nervous and confused elf—replied. "Y'think we'll find Nundro like that too?"

"Odds are high." Lup elbowed Julia to get her attention for a moment. The paladin started and stared at Lup.

" _You okay?_ " The Terran tongue was...hard, sure, but it was easier than involving others in an awkward conversation. Julia stared for a long while. It almost was unbearable. " _I mean, trigger-wise. We know a few but, as a paladin of the patron mom of the fate of the dead, aye-dee-kay if snuff scenarios are on that list._ "

A soft smile met Lup's furrowed brows. " _Death doesn't bother me anymore. Thank you for asking._ "

" _Not even weird dwarven post-death fucking clothes-swap?_ "

" _Each race deals in their own way. The Queen only asks that you honor her as well._ " Lup huffed in laughter as Julia locked her gaze on Mavis—arms wrapped around her brother, who was wriggling like a small grub—and rolled her eyes. " _But I think I'll do you a favor and salt those shoes, just in case_."

" _Yeah_ ," Lup mock-shuddered, " _nothing says good footwear like dancing till your feet come clean off cause the ghost of some dead fuck is pissy that your elven feet fit in his dwarven boots._ "

"Don't speak ill of the dead," Kravitz, despite not making any sign that he could understand their conversation, chastised the two women. Both barked in laughter and Hekuba stared for a moment.

Silence came back full-force but it didn't bring with it the oppressive weight of death again. Instead it was the silence that rang with ambient nature. Dripping water, echoing footsteps, the whistling of wind through passages and around rocky outcroppings, and even the soft coo of sleeping or hiding fauna. It was foreground silence that had background life. Lup's ears rotated and flicked about, catching every sound they could like a bat's. So did Kravitz's, though his was more subtle than the jangling wide sweeps of Lup's. Hekuba kept her hand across Mavis' shoulder, guiding her gently and providing reassurance as her eldest carried her youngest. Julia, eyes glowing eerily in the darkness, seemed lost in thought, her teeth absently chewing on her lower-lip. They were present, on-edge, and somehow worried. It was a weird blend of emotions but they drew an odd amount of comfort from each other.

That was something that bothered Lup the most. Not Julia's trauma. Not Hekuba and her kids. Not Kravitz and the fucking like-but-not- _like_ -like feelings she had towards him. No, it was the sense of family and belonging that irradiated all of her by simply being around even _one_ of these chucklefucks.

And the hole that ached whenever she looked at Kravitz; that 'something is missing what is it _what is it?!_ ' that hammered against her ribs whenever she watched Mavis and Mookie play together in the special way only siblings could. That hurt the most.

Then the ambient noise shifted and an echoed, wet...something caught Lup's attention. Her ears flipped up and, had she looked at Kravitz, she would have seen his do the same. But she didn't; she was too occupied with trying to locate the source of the noise.

It followed them through the winding caves that led deeper in, squelching ominously. Lup smiled wide and made an off-hand ' _jack off_ ' motion. Hekuba punched her in the ribs but the gigglesnort that escaped Julia was all worth it. " _Children_ ," Hekuba hissed.

"They don't know what's up!" Lup assured the dwemmarm.

"I don't _care_!" Her hissing had evolved into stage-whispers.

"You say fuck in front of them _all the time_! What's wrong with a little healthy exploration?" It was too good to give up on now. Lup continued to egg Hekuba on, the jack-off noise forgotten.

"They're _my_ children and _I_ fucking say so!" Just as Hekuba was about to hit Lup again, a little higher than ribs and in a little more sensitive area, the tunnel they were in emptied out into a wide cave with bioluminescent mushrooms carpeting the floor beneath their shoes. The sound of waves crashing in the distance that had given Wave Echo Cave it's name was louder and, if Lup didn't know they were miles away from the nearest ocean, she'd swear that they were at the beach. A soft spray of water splashed over the edge of a cliff to their northwest and scattered across the caps of the mushrooms growing there and the sound that followed was almost deafening.

"There's the waves," Lup noted. As she spoke, a puff of spores were ejected by the mushrooms beneath her and she covered her mouth, coughing.

" _Quiet_ ," Kravitz whispered, holding a finger to his lips to get his message across. "They're sensitive to noise and other wide-trough vibrations. I know this mushroom."

"What a _fun guy_ ," Lup replied at an equally low whisper, eyes rolling in sarcastic delight.

Mavis giggled and the mushrooms let out a cloud of spores that drifted up into her face but she seemed nonplussed. Lup raised an eyebrow in the dwarves' general direction. Hekuba caught her attention and mouthed, " _Dwarf_."

" _Oh_ ," Lup mouthed back, unconsciously signing as well, "forgot that. Y'all have the good, good poison resistance."

They quietly worked their way across the field of mushrooms—a surprise simply because Mookie was placated and calm—but mid-way Lup stopped the group with an outstretched arm. Behind the sound of the waves, the jack-off sound was back. Lup's ears swiveled and she looked up just as a large, dark object descended from the ceiling. She cast Burning Hands without thinking, thumbs pressing together and palms upward to direct the torch of flame she was conjuring.

They were under attack.

* * *

Julia allowed herself to retreat a bit into her mind as they walked farther into Wave Echo Cave. Why was _Lup_ being so considerate after what she had almost done to Kravitz? She had almost _killed_ him and yet...the one person who called her out on her bullshit—mental trauma or not—was the same person who was joking with her about possessed shoes. It was so confusing but at the same time...it felt like _home_.

(And every time she probed in that direction, a wave of white noise washed her back to the shores of irritated confusion.)

Still, she allowed herself to drift ashore gently on the raucous gigglesnorting of Lup antagonizing Hekuba. It was... _comfort_ she hadn't felt in a long time and...it wouldn't hurt to indulge.

The gout of flame that shot from Lup's hands a few moments later shocked Julia back to the chaotic tides of war. The heat, the sound, the smell, acrid and burning something, slightly viscous and basic, like ammonia and blood and metal and death and screaming and pain _and_ —

She took a sharp breath and bit her lip. The pain centered her back in her own body, in the here and now.

What Lup had attempted to cremate was an ochre jelly, a blob of opaque slime that had insane amounts of surface tension. _Granted_ , cremation hadn't worked, but the jelly looked singed and no one had been hit by it descending. _Points to Lup_.

Julia unsheathed her blade and went to attack the jelly when Kravitz shouted a warning, coughing heavily from the spores. " _Don't_! You'll make it worse!"

She paused, mid-swing, and growled in frustration. "Fuck," she hissed, coughing softly. " _Fine_." She placed her hand flat against the insignia of her Queen and prayed for a bit of strength in these trying times. Then she batted at the jelly with the flat of her blade.

_Not_ a good idea. Mainly because slapping a tacky slime with a flat, wide blade meant reverb like hell and her arm went a bit numb. _Also_ because hitting it made the jelly make that jack-off noise again and Julia could _super_ fucking hear Lup's smug-ass grin at the sound.

_Don't. Just...just don't._

Still, the blunt force seemed to do the trick because the jelly wobbled and slumped down into an oozing puddle of _ew ew ew ew ew ew!_

_Also_ , Julia noted, _that thing being burnt smells like flaming shit. May the Queen provide me with a non-important corpse to wash away the scent or give me a reason to light incense._

She turned away from the jelly to check on the squishier members of their party—Hekuba and the kids mainly, since Lup was pretty okay it seemed—and barely had time to react as Hekuba outstretched her hands, magic flaring up and lifting her from the ground.

Three bolts of arcane power shredded into the jelly behind Julia. Gobbets of opaque ooze scattered everywhere. Lup squeaked in frustration and disgust while Kravitz sucked air through his teeth. Confused, Julia met Hekuba's eyes and the dwemmarm shrugged.

"Wasn't dead yet." A cloud of spores drifted into Hekuba's face but she was un-bothered. _Dwarves_.

"Gross! This thing is just _one hundo_ percent fucking nasty as _shit_ my dude _what the hell?!_ " Lup hastily waved spores away from her mouth and coughed through her complaining.

" _Wasn't dead_ ," Hekuba repeated, deadpan, while Kravitz rolled his eyes in exasperated acceptance.

"Didja _hafta_ blow it up on me?" At least this time she had the brain to stage-whisper.

"Did you want big 'n beefy to meet her goddess early?" Lup's level stare to Hekuba's obviously rhetorical question was withering. Unstoppable force, meet immovable object.

" _Fine_ ," Lup mouthed. She accompanied that scathing response with a rude gesture that earned her a swat across the ribs.

Mavis, taken aback by the ochre jelly's appearance, unfortunately let go of her brother, who took this opportunity to dash madly at its evaporating remains.

"I'z _goopy_!" He poked the puddle with his index finger, giggling at the way the surface of it still resisted his touch.

"Ey lil dude maybe _don't_?!" Lup coughed around the spores that shot up to her face.

" _Mookie_ — _Mookie get back here_ _now!_ " Mavis scrambled to get her brother away from the jelly but mid-dash, froze in place and stared.

Just beyond Mookie, barely visible—even in the soft light—and shedding a slough of ochre jelly like a second skin, was a prone figure.

Julia moved first. Hand placed flat against her holy symbol, she sought the telltale feel of dead or undead. The gentle whisper of her Queen assured her _dead, not undead_. "Mookie," she called, ignoring the clutching in her chest as she inhaled, "come here. _Please_." The young boy didn't move from his spot, only looking up at Julia with confusion. " _Mookie_..."

Hekuba scooped up her son and dragged him back to Mavis and the rest of the group before Julia could even blink. In frantic Dwarven, she swore and peppered her boy in kisses. Julia couldn't make out what was being said but the tone was loving and worried and _scared_.

Still, she had a job to do. Sparing a glance at Kravitz, whose tattoo glowed with the faintest hint of radiant magic beneath his collar, Julia moved forward one step at a time. The figure, smelling faintly of sick, rot, and ooze, was about child-sized with a halo of dark hair splattered around its head. As she got closer, Julia could finally make out more details. She let out a pinched sigh and relaxed her grip on her sword. "All clear." Julia forgot about the mushrooms. She was quickly reminded by a face-full of their ejaculate.

"All _clear_?!" Lup echoed, coughing as spores filled her lungs as well. She darted up to Julia and kicked the boot of the corpse, surprise coloring her reaction. " _Ah_ ," she said, quiet enough to not trigger the mushrooms, "okay."

Julia turned back to Kravitz and Hekuba and motioned for them to come closer. She held a small hope that Hekuba would leave her children back away from the corpse but...with the motherly chokehold she was employing on Mookie, those were some _slim_ chances.

Kravitz didn't need to get close to see—drow and their amazing fucking nightvision—but Hekuba was right up on the dead dude. The dead _dwarf_.

"Fucking _Nundro_!" She swore. The mushrooms responded. The dwemmarm remained undaunted, continuing on her exasperated cursing in dwarvish as she paced around her dead cousin.

_Looks like I was right on the money then_ , Julia sighed internally. _Better let them do their thing and then send him on his way._

"Well...lets hope you still have the _one_ cousin, right?" Lup tried to joke, a crooked smile the only indication of her apprehension—save her telltale ears.

The scathing glare she got was response enough.

* * *

Hekuba considered it a boon that Dwarven customs often included not only lots of weddings and birthdays, but also _lots_  of funerals. Otherwise, she was almost certain that her children would be traumatized.

(Not to say that they weren't, per se; Mavis seemed to be putting on a brave face for Mookie's sake. It could've been worse though. It could've been someone they _cared_ about.)

As Julia and Kravitz performed rites for Nundro, she sat and sorted through his shit and simply cursed every drop of blood in their shared lineage. "Damn _Nundro_ for being brothers with Tharden and Gundren. Damn Nundro for _following_  Tharden into some _bullshit_ tomfoolery that would've only ended in death _anyway_. Damn _Gundren_ for goin' back _even when_  Tharden and Nundro didn't. Dammit. _Dammit_! _Dammitall_!"

"If you keep cursing the dead, he may haunt you." Julia had somehow snuck up on Hekuba and startled her into almost burying a dagger in the goliath's calf.

" _Fucking_ hell and a _half_! If you and Lup and Kravitz don't start walkin' less quiet I might accidentally _kill_ you."

Julia huffed a bit, the curvature of her lips reminiscent of a smile. "I'll be sure to start wearing a bell. Or _heavier_ armor."

"See that you do." Hekuba turned back to her work, cinching up the portion of Nundro's shit that was the Clan's cut. "You done?"

" _Yeah_. He's buried properly, with precautions, like Tharden." In the background, Lup had Mavis and Mookie splashing about in the water in their bare feet and skivvies. The laughter was wonderful and yet so heartbreaking.

"Then let's go." Hekuba slung her pack over her shoulder and whistled, a sharp note that peaked with a palletized click. " _Cmon_. We gotta get your Uncle Gundren before we hafta bury him too. Get your clothes back on and let's get moving!"

Mavis wrestled Mookie back into his shirt and pants but gave up on his shoes. Hekuba didn't press it either cause the little one liked to be barefoot anyway and if he's closer to the stone, then good for him. Kravitz joined the group again and they continued onward.

After finding Nundro's corpse in the jelly's remains, they dragged the—emaciated and yet as preserved as a necromancer's specimen—dwarf to the small elevator behind them and descended to the lower floor of the mine so they wouldn't have to deal with the mushrooms. Turns out that the water crashing up was from a large pool of phosphorescent water and stones that glowed with the memory of arcane minerals. Now, as they headed farther into the mine, the group could see a large door with Dwarven runes on it.

"Pull," Hekuba read. Lup and Kravitz laughed, Julia even snickering at the obvious choice of engraving. "Never said my Clan was _smart_. Cyrus, Gundren's dad? He built this place when it had magic in it. Blame _those_ knuckleheads for getting so drunk they had to write instructions on their _doors_."

"Party _hard_ , man!" Lup pounded her fist against her chest and raised it in solidarity. Kravitz just shook his head sadly.

Tugging the door open, the first thing that Hekuba noticed was the chains all over the wall and ceiling. They were good wrought-iron; oxidized to prevent rusting and tempered to be strong but not brittle. Mining chains for sure. The second thing that Hekuba noticed was a very exasperated looking orc woman with the _least_ heterosexual haircut imaginable.

"Alright, you've got to be fucking _kidding_ me. _Really_?!" The orc gestured to their group with one hand and used the other to lift the fucking _biggest_ crossbow Hekuba had ever seen to rest on her shoulders.

"Ah... _pardon_?" Kravitz blinked up at the woman, who was rubbing her bridge with weary exasperation.

"You— _him_ —first _this_ and— _fuck_!" She seemed at a loss for words.

Thankfully—or _not_ , depending on who you were—Lup had words to spare. "Watch your fucking language! There are _kids_ here!"

Mavis failed to stifle a giggle and Mookie responded with a bright and cheery " _Fuck_!"

The woman sighed and stopped to study the six of them. "Okay...fair enough...you know _what_? How about this: I'm gonna...I'm gonna ask you a question and, depending on your answer, I _might_ not kill you."

" _Fuck_!" Mookie added. Lup high-fived him as Hekuba weighed the morality of strangling an elf in front of her kids versus having a useful, if not irresponsible, babysitter who could _immolate_ anyone who tried to hurt them.

The woman leveled a stare at all of them and asked, evenly and clearly, "Are you here for the _**[REDACTED]**_?"

"Now how in the _fresh_ hell did you do that?" Hekuba blurted out before her filter could catch up with her mouth.

" _What_?" The woman drew back and gripped her weapon tighter. Almost as if she was _afraid_ of them.

"That _kschhhhht_ thing with your mouth?"

" _ **[REDACTED]**_?" The orc asked, again, only producing white noise.

"Fuck me _sideways_ , I wanna learn to do that!" Lup smirked.

"O— _okay_...that tells me what I need to know. Cool...option two then..." Seemingly satisfied, the woman turned to the door behind her and began walking out.

"Ey! _Yo_! Hot stuff!" The half-orc stiffened and the backs of her ears flushed when Lup called out to her. "You gonna pick us up or is this how you start _all_ your dates?"

"You know _what_?" The metered spacing of the orc's words made Hekuba want to beat Lup over the head. "I don't feel too sorry about this, you guys." Then she lifted a small, square box up and pressed a button on it.

Hekuba would _like_ to say that she had the sense to figure where the orc placed the ladder to the raised portion of the room that housed the door but, _un_ fortunately, her attention was taken up by the grinding and creaking of a piece of machinery roaring to life behind them.

_If I live, I'm going to kill Gundren,_ she determined, magic flaring at her fingertips. _This is far too many types of bullshit right here. I think I'll put his ass over my fireplace. Or use his corpse for a figurehead._

_Either way_ , she decided as a large rubble clearer rattled its way towards them, _I think I'm going to murder him. This is too much work for steady pay._


	6. Ep. 5: Bugbear 2: Electric Boogaloo (pt. 5)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hekuba watches Julia sink a three-pointer.
> 
> Kravitz leads the way.
> 
> Lup has a bright idea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unedited, unbetaed, and unusual. I have been chipping away at this chapter until I felt it was done and, while I don't think that it's perfect or complete, it is and that's all I can ask for? Bleh.
> 
> RL has been hectic as fuck so the fact that I've even put anything out is a goddamn miracle so praise whatever deities you believe in! Um.....another note: if there's any inconsistency, it's partially because of the time between me writing the last chapter and this one and partially because of my own bullshit inability to remember how the fuck I had characters work.
> 
> Um...heads up for some kinda nasty gore descriptions. I like magic and I like being able to apply horror stuff to magic. Plus, if you have a fucking necromancer-bard in your party, there's gonna be grossssssss shit.
> 
> Also: ironically, I had to move a plot point forward in time so what was going to happen here, in the battle against Bradson, now is happening later.
> 
> Also also: consistency in spellcasting? What the hell is that?! (TBH, I didn't feel like fact-checking my spells or spell level requirements and also Kravitz, much like Barry, is a multiclassed motherfucker. Fite me.) So I may have given Hekuba access to a spell beyond her ken. I know that Lup could have Blade Ward but...IDK about Ice Dagger and Hek. W/e. This is my sandbox now! Rule of cool and all that!!!!

Hekuba blasphemed under her breath as the large grinder rattled it towards them. Mavis and Mookie took refuge behind Kravitz, who whistled gently and cast Shield. Julia unsheathed her sword. "Fucking _god_ damn hell _shit_ fucking tits..."

"Lotsa naughty words _beautiful_!" Lup teased, her smirk masking the true fear behind her words. Her ears gave it away, pinned back and quivering softly.

"Fuck _off_!" Hekuba wracked her brain for whatever she could use against this...foe? It was inorganic, which meant some of her spells would be trash and smacking it over the...hood would be useless as well. Mentally flipping through her spells, she watched as Julia attempted to beat it into submission with the sharp side of her blade. The reverb from the greatsword made even Hekuba's teeth hurt.

"Not gon work Jules!" Lup flung out her hand and a flash of fire shot out. Julia rolled out of the way, body tensing sharply as she dodged. The fire did very little but it did seem to draw the grinder's attention.

" _Fuck_!" Julia swore. Thankfully, Hekuba found a spell that might work.

"Back up," she commanded. Julia, already on the run from Lup's errant fire, continued a tactical retreat while examining her sword. Lup was already hanging back—far less sturdy than Hekuba—and her kids were behind Kravitz. Everyone was clear. She cast Thunderwave.

Those that were versed in magic could hear the shockwave snap across the room but those who weren't just saw the grinder stagger and stutter. A chunk of the chassis cracked and peeled away. Hekuba swore again.

"Thing's _tough_ ," Lup noted as the grinder rattled its way back towards him.

"Made of metal," Hekuba retorted. "No _fucking_ shit."

" _Fuck_!" Mookie parroted from behind the Shield.

" _Quiet_ Mookie!"

"Hey—"

A loud horrific shriek tore out of the grinder. The group turned to see Julia with a fistful of the chains. She gave them a crooked smirk and lobbed the handful into the open maw of the machine. It was metal versus metal. Unstoppable force versus immovable object. Who would yield? Who would secede? Who would prevail? Who would win?

The chains, obviously.

As powerful as the teeth of the grinder had been, it was only meant to pulverize unprocessed ore and minerals in their basest of forms. Anything with a Moh's rating of four or higher would beat it in a test of strength and, as Julia had proved with the chains, win handily.

Bits of metal chips sputtered everywhere as the animated mining equipment shuddered and shook violently. A few screws hit the floor and the legs of it collapsed beneath the weight of the chassis. After a few tentative moments of bated breath and astute observation, Hekuba and the other women stepped up and examined the ruined equipment while Kravitz dusted off Mookie and prevented him from running into the scrap metal.

"Quick thinking," Lup complimented. Julia nodded, the flash of a grin they saw earlier long-gone, replaced with the furrowed brows of a perplexed paladin. "I think that could've easily been one of us instead of the chains."

"Thanks but...," Julia struggled to organize the words in her head, " _I_...that wasn't..."

"I cast Suggest," Kravitz supplied, Mookie tucked under one arm like a wriggly sack of potatoes. "I noticed the chains but couldn't do anything about it with the kids behind me. You were channeling magic and Lup was also busy trying to hold the thing back. Since Julia's blade was virtually useless in this battle, I planted the idea in her head and let her do the rest."

"Thank you," Julia didn't look thankful but that might've _just_ been her face.

" _Honestly_? I was thinking more of a sweet 'sweep out the AT-AT legs' maneuver but chucking the three pointer was also good." Kravitz passed Mookie over to Lup, who put the boy on her shoulders. Lup laughed when Mookie took her braid up and began playing with it.

"Too short. Leg sweep would've just brought the thing down on top of you." A bit of blood trickled down Julia's chin but she ignored it.

"So, _uhh_ , fuck that orc?"

" _Fuck_!" Mookie parroted Lup. It seemed as though he had found one word he really liked saying, Hekuba thought (somewhat) fondly. Probably the plosives and the voiced k...sharp and crunchy.

"Ladder first, then the orc can get hers." Looking to the taller members of the party—namely Lup, Kravitz, and Julia—Hekuba tucked her head at the door. "Mind?"

"Sure thing short stuff!" Lup tapped Mookie on the leg and signed something at him slowly. Hekuba caught a couple of letters she recognized as well as a gesture she knew meant ' _please_ '.

Mookie climbed off of Lup's shoulders and disappeared from view. Then he reappeared, ladder in tow. Lup sucked her teeth in disappointment.

"She didn't even _hide_ it. I'm insulted."

"Be glad. Mookie doesn't look the seeker type." Julia smirked.

"Hardly seems the _hider_ type," Kravitz laughed as Hekuba frowned and crossed her arms.

"He's competent _enough_ ," she argued.

"Don't hear a _no_ though!" Hekuba's elbow lodged itself in Lup's chest and she yelped, which dissolved into hysterical giggles as Mookie dropped the end of the ladder on his mom's head. He let out a soft trill of amusement as well. Mavis jogged up to catch him just as he threw himself off the ledge.

" _Hey! Don't do that!_ " Mavis was unconsciously speaking in Dwarven again. One thing that Hekuba could never really get through to her little girl is that her accent was nothing to be ashamed of. It didn't stop her from speaking almost primarily in her native tongue _but_...

Mookie babbled a bit with his hands. Mavis frowned.

" _How much_ sign did you teach them?" Hekuba stared daggers at Lup.

Lup shrugged, "Long trip, smart kiddos. Plus, between you-me, some of CSL is derived from thieves' cant, so it's not fucking hard to learn. Any assmunch with two brain-cells to rub together can learn some simple cant..." She shrugged again and her ear twitched in amusement.

" _Someone's being loud down there, mama._ " Mavis tugged the bottom of Hekuba's armor to get her attention, Mookie pointing towards the door the orc woman went through.

" _Hmm_...," Hekuba sighed heavily.

"Let's prep for a _fight_ my dudes!" Lup clapped her hands together and cracked her knuckles.

" _Joy_ ," Julia sighed. Despite all her protesting, she cleaned her sword off and shook out the tension in her arms. "Plan?"

All three women and the children turned to look at Kravitz. " _What_?" His voice cracked slightly and his ears flattened against his head.

"Plan?" Julia repeated.

"Why _me_?!"

Lup and Julia shrugged in response. Confused, Kravitz turned to Hekuba for a more definitive answer. The dwemmarm was busy dusting off her youngest but she took a moment to reply, "You kept my kids safe. You determined the best course of action vis a vis the grinder. You have been both defence and offence and, quite honestly? Out of all of us—save Julia—you seem to have the most combat experience." She hummed softly in thought. "Seems logical to look to you for strategy."

Amused by her candor, Kravitz shook his head. "Fair point."

"Hence why I let mama bear explain. Better with words of a sincere nature than I am. Aye-dee-kay 'bout Julia though." Lup jerked her thumb to Julia, who shrugged slightly.

" _Tactics_ ," she noted. "I do better with directions and plans. I'm not a planner myself."

"Learning all _sortsa_ new shit!" Lup stretched out and sighed heavily. "Let's kick ass and take names team!"

"Right...plan..." Kravitz chewed his lower lip as he thought. "The Motivator is... _orc_?" Lup nodded. "Odds are that either the orc woman was chasing him or working for him. More than likely, Gundren is in a bad way so it'll just be us. Four versus two isn't bad odds but we've been fighting a bit today so let's play it safe."

"Who's front of marching order?" Julia was gently and languidly stretching as Kravitz hashed out his plan. She arched her back and almost bent double. Lup stared, a little flushed.

"You're most logical. I can buff so that should help your defense or dexterity—or even inspire if need be— _Hekuba_?"

She shrugged, "good wherever so long as someone has an eye on my kids. Don't wanna leave them in the grinder pit 'cause Mookie is easily distracted and there's still sharp shit lying around."

" _Lup_?"

"Better the farther back m'dude. Squishy lil wizard-type. Sorry." Lup didn't look sorry but who was Kravitz to judge?

"Order is: Julia, me, Hekuba, Lup, then the kids. You think you can keep an eye on them?" Lup flashed a thumbs-up. Hekuba swallowed heavily. "Ask questions first, shoot if shot at, please don't piss this Motivator off."

"Rodger that bone-dude."

"Understood."

" _If my kids get hurt I will kill you_." Hekuba said to Lup in Dwarven. Lup nodded, not an ounce of insincerity in her gesture.

"Then let's go."

* * *

If there was one thing that Kravitz had expected from this job, it hadn't been rescuing his employer from another, more competent, asshole and villain. Not to say that he considered Gundren to be a _villain_ , per se, but he definitely didn't consider him to be a magnanimous benefactor. But to be back to back to back to back—ad nauseum—with his other coworkers—who weren't necessarily the most comforting presences to begin with—was not in his predictions for the job.

Though Kravitz was not the best at divination. Necromancy and abjuration were his wheelhouses, with illusion being a close second.

Still, leading an army of four to battle was not an expected part of his job. But, the tides of fate are immutable, so why bother fighting them?

The scene that awaited them upon entrance was an odd one, for sure. The orc woman from before was standing with her oversized crossbow slack in her grip. She was facing another orc—this one a strangely lithe man in business formal with an unprofessional ponytail—and her body was more tense than Julia on most days. On the floor, about fifty feet away from either orc, lay a prone dwarven figure. Said dwarf teetered on the edge of a drop-off and was unmoving.

"Fucking _great_ ," the orc woman said, her attention drawn away from her opponent. "You couldn't just stay put, _could_ you?"

"Friends of yours, Killian? You should've told me you were expecting guests. Are they with the **_[REDACTED]_**  as well?" The other orc said. His voice was pleasant and soothing and Kravitz had to dig his nails in to prevent himself from succumbing to the lull of Calm Emotion.

Killian dropped her crossbow and stared, dead-eyed at what could only be the motivator. " _No_ , Bradson, they don't work for the  _ **[REDACTED].**_  They don't know about the _**[REDACTED]**_ and they aren't here to snuff your sorry ass so fast that the **_[REDACTED]_**  won't be able to remove the memory from history books." Despite her calm demeanor, Killian's words were full of vinegar and she aimed to wound. Judging by her crossbow, however, she seemed more the fighter than the magic-user.

"That's not how the ** _[REDACTED]_**  works and you _know_ it, silly." Bradson, seemingly cavalier about the intrusion on his master plan, turned to face the mercenaries and smiled a tusked smile. It was about three percent sincere. " _Forgive me._ Killian isn't the most... _agreeable_ people, of this I'm sure you're aware. Still, manners are manners and I would be remiss to not introduce myself properly. My name is Brad Bradson, though most people call me Brad the Motivator. Who are you?"

"Julia," her response was stilted and Kravitz wanted to reach out and stop her from doing whatever she had planned but she continued on without pause. "What're you planning with Killian and our employer, Gundren, there?"

"Nothing they haven't earned, mind you. Nothing that would concern you either." This time, Brad's laugh was wholly insincere. Nothing about it rang true. No one in the group seemed to buy it either.

Lup stepped in to relieve Julia. "Not to address the elephant here or nothing my dude but, like, you have our employer. That makes this shit our concern _pretty_ damn quick, aye-em-haich-oh." Brad's smile tightened.

"Ahh, then we have ourself an impasse. You see: I need him to open a door for me and that requires him to not only stay with me but _also_ to kinda bleed. A _lot_. Ma'am, _how_ much blood would you say that an adult dwarf has in them? _Three_ pints? Maybe less because of the evolutionary need to avoid pressure bends."

Hekuba took one deep, long breath, stared the Motivator dead in the eyes, and grimaced. "You mind not fucking saying shit like that in front of my kids?"

Mookie chimed in with a chipper, " _Fuck_!"

Brad's eyebrows disappeared into his hairline. " _Children_? Well now, that's just bad form, Killian." His tone was playful. His intent was not.

Kravitz pursed his lips and readied a spell in case shit popped off.

Killian, whom Kravitz was taking more and more of a liking to as he spent time around the Motivator, hissed at Brad. " _Eat shit_ you pretentious pencil-pusher. Not _everyone_ has the time to run a census and then try and kill people. _Some of us_ _have filthy fucking traitors to deal with_." That last bit was in orcish. Kravitz tried to bite back a laugh. He _definitely_ liked Killian.

" _Pity_. You would've made a much better Seeker than I, with your cold propensity for detached logic. Find the **_[REDACTED]_**  and send out one of the Reclaimers and not have to worry about a thing. No emotion, no _ethics_ , just observe and report." The sharp sting of magic in the air and the way that Killian reeled slightly pointed to Vicious Mockery being cast but...what was the Motivator's focus?

" _Enough_ ," Hekuba shouted. The whole group staggered at the authority behind her anger. " _You_ ," she leveled a finger at Killian, "I've got words for you later. _You_ ," she turned to face the Motivator, "hand over my cousin before my quarterstaff finds lodging in your ass _you sea-drinking fuck_."

The smile that crept across the Motivator's face was unkind and hungry. " _Alright_ then. That's how it's going to be. Fine." He shifted his stance and grabbed a large battleaxe that had been resting behind him. "I did warn you." Combat. Kravitz unleashed a sharp, piercing whistle and cast Dissonant Whispers, smiling in self-satisfaction when the Motivator winced in pain. "A bard? Why don't you just be quiet and think about what you're doing. This fight is foolish, even _you_ can see this." Kravitz found his voice catch in his throat. The Motivator had cast Silence. _Fuck_.

Julia swung her blade, making contact with the Motivator's torso. It tore a gash in his dress shirt, revealing plate mail beneath the starchy fabric. Kravitz saw her mouth move but Silence swallowed her complaint. That spell needed to go or three quarters of their party would be useless. But how to break the caster's concentration...

Lup, in a moment that Kravitz would never forget, provided the solution.

* * *

Shit was going south _fast_. The orc lady—Killian, and _hoo boy_ Lup was appreciating the muscles and mouth on her now that she wasn't trying to kill them—was getting an earful from the Motivator. The Motivator was a bard of one sort or another, though no one seemed to see his focus. Gundren was alive but apparently being kept as a Dwarven bloodbag and, to add insult to injury, the fucker had the _goddamned_ audacity to cast motherfucking Silence on them. Fuck _right_ and _off_ _thankyouverymuch_.

Lup pulled the ruby out of her pocket and considered it and the circumstances surrounding her acquisition of it. Then she held it up so that the Motivator could see it and lobbed it towards the pit.

It was a long-shot but the bet paid off. Silence was a concentration spell and, if the caster was instead focused on a ruby that was plummeting to its demise at the bottom of a mining shaft, it would cease to be.

The sound flooded back in time for her to catch Hekuba loudly scream a few new obscenities in Dwarven. Lup gave Hekuba a sharp-toothed grin and a thumbs up. Then she readied Blade Ward and put herself in front of the kids.

Killian's eyebrows shot up. " _How_ —?"

"Now's your chance, guys!"

Hekuba lashed out with a sharp Ice Dagger. Julia stepped aside and focused on bull-rushing to Gundren to rescue him from certain doom. Kravitz whistled sharply and the bitter tinge of Bane sung through the air. Killian loaded her crossbow and simultaneously put distance between her and the Motivator, who held the gem tight in his fist.

Speaking of, the Motivator turned back to face the group and his smile was long gone. "I _believe_ ," he hissed, "that was a _rather_ dirty trick, ma'am."

"Takes one to know one!" Lip's half-formed retort was weak but only because she was channeling a spell and also appreciating the Motivator's jawline as well. Dude looked like he was _great_ at oral.

"All bets are off, you know that, _right_? Your little... _stunt_ ," his breathing was coming in ragged and sharp, face darkening with rage, "eliminated any chance you had of just walking away. I'm sorry about the kids but you brought this on yourself."

"You lay a _hand_ on them and I swear on _every_ mother in my bloodline that I will break every arcane law that exists to keep you alive to torture you." Hekuba was floating now and, _nah_ , Hekuba wins versus this skinny-ass orc fuck. She is an eleven among tens, age notwithstanding.

(Honestly though? _Fuck_ age. Lup herself was probably older than Hekuba but the lifespan difference was what made people balk at such a gap. _Fuck it_ though. Hekuba's a _goddamn_ MILF.)

The Motivator's eye twitched as he tried to shrug off the damage he had been dealt. Whatever it was that drove him to threaten to use a dwarf as a fucking juice box also seemed to drive him to violence. Klaarg had said that Grummsh didn't have as much of a hold on him but the orc deity of violence and subjugation wouldn't be one to let go too easily. "Consider this a death warrant then. I'm not fond of killing. Too messy and too... _pointless_. In _your_ case though?" His mouth twisted and his tusks bit into his upper lip. "I think the paperwork will be worth it."

Lup threw herself between the charging orc and the children, taking a heavy battleaxe blow that slashed across her ribs. She bit back a loud cry, grateful that Blade Ward did its job. Still, dampened damage was still damage.

Julia abandoned her rush to Gundren and flew on the offensive, spinning in a half-circle and sweeping her greatsword across the Motivator's calf. Her screaming call drew his attention long enough for Hekuba to rip into their attacker with another well-placed Ice Dagger. The Motivator spun towards Hekuba next but, despite her age, the dwemmarm was flexible and fast on her feet.

"You can't have it! It's _mine_! It's _calling_ me!" His voice, once smooth and calming, was crackling with gravel and rage. "The **_[REDACTED]_**  is saying that I can do _so much good_ with it!" No, not rage... _desperation_.

Killian leveled her crossbow at the Motivator. "You and I both know that's impossible! All the **_[REDACTED]_**  do is corrupt and kill and take! You saw what happened with ** _[REDACTED]_**  and **_[REDACTED]_**! You know that even the smallest **_[REDACTED]_**  can demolish _entire_ towns and wipe out _civilizations_! Remember that even the **_[REDACTED]_** can _erase entire clans and continents_!" She was pleading. She was scared _for_ him, not _of_ him.

"But it _told_ me! It told me I can command it's strength!" He whipped around to face Killian, a manic grin on his face. "Don't you see what he's done?! What he's _doing_?!! The **_[REDACTED]_**  is just lying to us! He tells us that the **_[REDACTED]_**  were unavoidable and tragedies but if corrupt people get their hands on the **_[REDACTED]_**  of _course_ they'll use them for corrupt purposes! I'm going to use the **_[REDACTED]_**  to burn away the corrupt! To burn away the _broken_ and _evil_! Then the **_[REDACTED]_**  won't repeat and the **_[REDACTED]_** can return everything! We can return home. We can live normal lives! _I can see him again_!"

Killian jolted at that last confession, her face scrunching up in pain. But...the Motivator didn't cast any spells. Did his words alone hurt her? Lup chewed her lip as she prepared Blade Ward again.

Killian's aim never faltered, her crossbow trained on the Motivator's head. Still, her expression was grim. "He's _gone_ , Brad. You know this. We couldn't have done anything about it."

" _Lies and slander_! You could have taken the **_[REDACTED]_**  and brought forth an army to save him! The **_[REDACTED]_** could've brought him back! But the _ **[REDACTED]**_  was too _chickenshit_ to use it." Hands shaking, eyes wide and wild, the Motivator stared directly at Killian. " _I_ won't make that mistake. I'll use the **_[REDACTED]_**  to save Faerûn! And then I'll make him give me the **_[REDACTED]_**  and I'll bring him back!!!" Tears ran down his cheeks. Lup fought a wave of pity and spite.

"Doing this solves _nothing_."

Killian's admission shattered the Motivator's smile. He snarled. "Then I'll prove you wrong. And I'll bring you back along with him and I'll gloat and gloat and _gloat_! I'll do it over and over and _over_ again until you admit I was _right_! The world will be safe and I'll be happy! _Everyone_ will!"

A sharp sound broke the silence that rushed after his promise. Just one sound. A single whistle.

The Motivator staggered, pressing his chest with a flattened palm. His battleaxe slipped from his slackened grasp. A soft breath escaped him. " _Oh_?"

"I don't really like doing that. Not a fun spell. I'm sorry." Kravitz spoke softly. His face was impassive. His tone was regretful. "Not an easy one either. I think I'm done. I'll leave the rest to you." He staggered slightly and sighed. "What little remains."

 _Then_ the magic was apparent. A sugar-sweet smell with bitter notes and sticky tones. Something darker than any other spell slung that day. The Motivator staggered to the left and grimaced. He reached over his back and grabbed an arrow from his shoulder. The smell of sick and rot intensified and the wound on the Motivator's back bubbled.

Lup recognized it immediately and wrapped herself around Mavis and Mookie to prevent them from seeing it. Seeing the damage that magic could cause on the battlefield. Seeing Melf's Acid Arrow at work.

Boiling flesh liquefied and sloughed off of the Motivator at the entry point. He hissed in pain and staggered again. " _Hardly_...fair..."

No one moved. The Motivator was very obviously near death but no one wanted to be the one to end it all.

No one but Julia.

"All's fair in love and war," she stated, her sword drawing across his throat. His head rolled across the ground and came to rest at Gundren's unconscious form.

Hekuba looked back to see if her children had seen that spectacle. They hadn't, thanks to Lup's quick thinking. She nodded at Lup in thanks.

Killian was frozen with her crossbow in position to fire where the Motivator's head had been. She seemed to be in shock. Julia moved to take care of the corpse and perform last rites.

"That was... _less_ than ideal," Kravitz finally spoke up again from his seated position on the floor. He was sipping gently on his waterskin, pallor returning to normal.

"That... _how_...? _You_...that was...!" Killian couldn't seem to get the words out but it was easy to see what she was getting at. Hekuba moved to help Julia drag the bits of the Motivator to the pit, taking his head by the ponytail.

" _Look_ , I don't know. _You_ don't know. All I know is I wanna fucking _finish_ this job and then get back to Soren _before_ he gets hangry." Lup was tending to Mavis and Mookie, Mavis was more distressed than her brother but she still focused on Lup's signing. " _You're fine. Your mom is fine. We're okay. Breathe, bright gem_."

" _Still_ —!"

"I spend a lot of time in libraries. It's a good way to expand one's spellbook." Kravitz responded in lieu of Lup trying to explain something she didn't know. "Wizard spells are easy to learn and _that_ one just requires more from me than a bard casting."

"You waited until _then_ to do that?!" She still didn't believe them. Lup didn't blame her but she had spent enough time with the rest of those chucklefucks to not ask questions.

Kravitz whistled an arpeggio and the warmth of Healing Word stitched together her chest wound. " _Spellslots_."

Killian made a face and a noise of confusion. Lup just shrugged at her. "Multiclassing fucks up your slots so I guess learning other class' spells would also fuck more shit up."

" _Magic users_...," Killian sighed heavily.

Lup smiled as Hekuba shot-putted the Motivator's head into the pit and then turned on her heels to tend to her children. " _Nice shot_!"

"Mookie likes to be thrown into pools," Hekuba rubbed some dirt off of her son's face with spit and her thumb. He squirmed and signed against her leg. She gently swatted his hand. He stuck his tongue out at her.

"Plan of action?" Lup's lazy question drew Killian and Julia's attention. Julia ducked her head at the supine Gundren.

"Get him up and running, get out, get paid, go home." Her response was plain and matter-of-fact. Very Julia.

Lup pouted. "Not gonna bed with me, madame paladin?" She got no response. " _Fair 'nuff.._."

Julia placed her palms against Gundren's chest and the soft, saccharine glow of holy magic in enveloped his wounds. She snorted in surprise when Gundren shot up and yelled angrily. " _Fucking orc!!!_ "

" _Rude_ ," Killian said. Gundren whipped to face her and grimaced. "Hi there, _you're welcome_."

He turned back to face Julia, who was standing back up from a kneeling position. Then he looked at the rest of the group. "You _trust_ this bone-eater?"

" _Gundren_ ," Hekuba inhaled and then exhaled slowly. She looked like she wanted to deck him. "She assisted in your rescue. Stop being a racist shit-eater for _five_ goddamn seconds and maybe _use_ those manners that your fucking Clan taught you."

Mookie signed happily, a broken fragment of a sentence interspersed with finger-spelling words he didn't know. " _Madam Killian's nice_!"

"Agreed, lil one," Lup nodded. "Also, watch those slurs, huh Gundo??? While we're contractually obligated to protect you, I don't _think_ we could stop Kills here from impaling you, Vladimir Dracul-style, with her goddamn tree-launcher."

Kravitz spoke up then, dusting off his ass as he did so. "She was integral in getting the Motivator out of the picture. Please don't offend her by using uncouth slurs like that, lest I remind you that _from the dirt you came and to it you will return, small child of clay_." The last bit of what he said was in Dwarven, eyes dead as he stared directly at their employer. Gundren balked a bit, his ears vibrating with tension.

Julia shot Lup a confused look. Lup replied in Terran, " _spooky death goddess shit_."

" _Ah_ ," she nodded.

"Well orcs aside—I have a vault to get into. Whole damn reason we came down here in the first fucking place anyway..." Gundren looked at the—quite frankly, comically large and diverse—group. "Those of you on my payroll, come with. Others stay back here cause I don't fucking trust ya."

"I'm coming with you. I have to make sure that you don't fall victim to the _**[REDACTED]**_ ** _._** And that you're not gonna take it and fuck shit up." Killian shouldered her crossbow. "That's my job. _Whole_ reason I'm here, FYI."

" _No_!" Gundren stepped forward aggressively. "I won't have some Clanless bone-eater take what belongs to me!"

Lup cast Message to Julia, " _He's starting to sound like the Motivator_."

"While I'm going to corroborate that Gundren _does_ , in fact, have a claim to this mine and its contents, I'm _also_ gonna say that Killian coming with us would be a welcome distraction from racist and, quite frankly, _shitty_ events." Hekuba was staring down her cousin now, eyes narrow and hand gripping her quarterstaff.

"This _Clanless_ —!"

" _Keep quiet your mouth, Gundren, son of Sirus of the Clan Rockseeker. Your next words determine your life's path. I will not stay her blade should she take offence!_ " The dialect that Hekuba switched to was formal and demanding. Lup was smitten.

Gundren, too, was _shook_. He clammed up.

"Now lead on, worm-food." Lup swept her hand out in a grand gesture, middle finger extended gracefully.

Mavis and Mookie exchanged a quiet series of signs. Hekuba sighed. Gundren shook his head and turned towards the farther door. "C'mon then."

" _Thank_ you!" Lup popped the plosives on 'k'. And the rest followed on.


	7. Ep. 6: Bugbear 2: Electric Boogaloo (pt.6)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lup is enthralled.
> 
> Julia is confused.
> 
> Hekuba is furious.
> 
> Kravitz does something just plain weird.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LATE LATE LATE I AM A BAD FANFICTION BOY SOMEONE PUT ME IN HIT JAIL!
> 
> On the other hand, I did manage to finish this and, while a lot is different from the outline, I'm pleased with the result. 
> 
> I guess I'll take my victories where I can.
> 
> Also: how's bout that graphic fucking novel dudes??? A. Maz. Ing. Carey did us good. #bless
> 
> So IDK when the next chapter goes up but know for sure that that will be the end of Bugbear 2: Electric Boogaloo. Then it's Lunar Interlude I: Moonlighting. Then we get into Rockport Ltd. I'm excited. Are you?
> 
> Thank you for your patience though. Really, for sure.
> 
> God knows I tried LMAO.
> 
> Warning for explicit descriptions of burning flesh and vomiting.

Gundren swallowed down his pride in the face of Hekuba's wrath. Even as she hovered around her children, her steely glare burned into the back of his head. So he minded his _P's_ and _Q_ 's and didn't say a word about Orcs or them being clanless bone-eaters. Instead he thanked Julia for the healing and dusted off his trousers. Then, mouth set in a dry scowl, he began to lead the group back to the vault.

Lup, mouth also a thin line and teeth clenched closed, watched Gundren like a dingo does a baby child. She didn't trust a _single damn thing_ the dwarf was set on doing. Little of it had to do with the fact that he had a face like a slapped ass and almost all of it to do with the fact that her thoughts were still hung up on the Motivator's last words. His actions. His... _demeanor_.

" _See_ , here's the thing," Gundren was saying. Lup tuned in long enough to catch the ass-end of his boring fucking diatribe. "Magical repository or not, the items that are stored within have been accumulated over decades as both a form of payment for services rendered _and_ as heirloom artifacts." _Ah, yes_ , he was _still_ on about the shit in the vault. Despite the vault not being too far back, he was waddling like the world didn't fucking turn faster than his shitty stumps could carry him. " _Theoretically_ , there should be millions of gold in various arcane items in there. No one but a Rockseeker could get in unless they had the blood of a Rockseeker on-hand."

" _Hence_ Brad wanting to stick you like a Fantasy Capri Sun," Killian nodded, this making sense. "He couldn't get in on his own so he needed a liquid asset of the Rockseeker variety."

Gundren didn't say anything but _ohh_ , Lup could see the way that his shoulders tightened. It took all of her not to deck him, with all twelve of her strength points. Just right in the back of the fucking noggin. _Fuck him._

The door out of the pit room led into a long tunnel that fed into a large semi-circle room with a large ornate door-like blockage. The Dwarven runes on it read, in the shittiest handwriting possible, ** _YE NAWT OF ROCKSEEKER KIN BADE NO ENTRY_**. It was ye olde 'fuck off' message. Only probably carved by the Dwarven equivalent of a drunken frat boy.

"The family vault," Gundren said proudly. "And it's treasures hid within."

"With the message over the door and the jellies and mushrooms, whomever got this far wouldn't consider it 'hid' anymore. _I_ sure don't." Hekuba was gently keeping an eye on Mavis, who had Mookie under control, but still found time to snipe at her cousin.

Gundren glowered. " _This is why he left you_ ," he retorted in mumbled Dwarven. Hekuba's eyes sparked dangerously.

Before she could rip him a new one—which Lup would enjoy _immensely_ —Gundren drew a dagger across his palm and slapped his hand against the flat of the vault door.

Lup shook her head at his disregard for safety, but Julia beat her to the draw by barking out, "you'll fuck up your nerves if you do that. If you want to draw blood safely, prick your thumb, _you_ _prick_." The last bit was in Giant. Gundren said nothing but again he stiffened.

_Racist cunt._

The mechanisms—arcane or otherwise—inside the vault door ground and groaned. There was a series of clicking as pins set and tumblers aligned properly. Then there was an earth-quaking loud rumble and the door swung open to reveal—

Dark. Darker. Darker still. And beyond that? A presence called out to them. Or at least it called to Lup. She couldn't tell if anyone else heard it but _she_ did.

Inside the dark vault, in a voice that sounded like fantasy Joe Pesci had been screaming for a hundred years, called out to her and Lup stood stock still.

_Hey there. Been a while, hasn't it? Glad to see you again though. Fucking boring as **hell** in here. Dark as shit too. I mean, admittedly, **everything** is dark to me, but you know what I'm on about, **doncha** Lup?_

_The fuck?_ She didn't respond out loud. She didn't need to, it seemed, as the presence continued. It's voice slowly shifted from heavy accent to a gravely mockery of her own pre-vocal training. Low and masculine. It made her dizzy.

_Forgot all about me then? **Rude** , babe. **Disastrously** rude. Just...I mean...I spent all this time alone and you don't even remember me. Talk about **the worst** manners!_

_How do you know my name?_ Lup thought back angrily.

_I, ahh, have my sources. **You** mainly. Don't know how you don't remember me though. I'm baller as hell. A goddamn resplendent existence. I deserve the limelight and have basked in it before **but**...behind in the past and all that. What matters now is the future. That, you, me, and **fire**._

Lup swallowed heavily. Her ears rang and she was swimming in gelatine made of existing. Her team was talking about something. They were doing something. She was supposed to be doing something. But everything was moving in bullet-time and she was fucking Fantasy Flash. _Fire?_

 ** _Yeah_** , the voice hummed, still a cartoonish masculine mockery of her own. _Fire. You know, the shit that cooks food and keeps you warm and kills people that fuck with you?_

_I—not like that. Not killing. I don't—_

_What, **kill people**? Cuz Brad the **motherfucking** Motivator says **other** -fucking- **wise**. Would you like to ask his severed head? I don't think he'd mind cuz he's **hella dead** Lup!_

_Not on **purpose**! Not with **fire**!_

_**Whoa**! Okay then champ. Just chill on down babe. No killing with fire then. I can dig it. Howsabout you and I just...be amazing then?_

The panic in Lup's chest subsided a bit. Her heartbeat was a drumline in her ears. She swallowed again. _No killing?_

 _Not with **fire**. Not if you don't **want** to_ , the voice reassured her. _We can do **other** fun things._

A niggling sensation told Lup that, _no_ , she _didn't_ want to do _anything_ with this _fucking_ voice and the thing attached to it. Still, she put one foot in front of the other, moving ever closer to the voice's source. _What fun things?_

 _Well, you know that place where you were hurt? Forty people dead or injured? They blamed you? But you and I know it wasn't **you** , _it simpered _._

 _What makes you so sure it **wasn't** me?_ Lup stopped walking, biting at that one odd statement. It kept her grounded for a moment.

 _I told you: I **know** you, Lup! Probably better than you, yourself._ It was smug now but no less charming. _You would **never** use fire to hurt others, **especially** not unless they deserved it. Fire is a living thing, babe, and you know it just needs guidance. Just like you'd never let those kids behind you **get** hurt, you wouldn't allow fire **to** hurt either. Not when you could stop it easily. Not if you could wave your hand and make it **go away**._

 _Yeah..._ Lup didn't feel the hand tugging her back. She didn't hear the voices calling her name. She didn't feel the glass beneath her shoes. She was alone, her and the voice.

_But you and I? If we work together, we can do **amazing** things. Others, they just hear the rage, see the **power**. You fucking know what **really** matters. You **know** what I'm capable of in **whole**. They only want me piecemeal._

_Are you the thing Brad wanted? The thing that Killian can't speak of? **That** thing?_

_That? Oh **yeah** , that's me. See, goddamn karma's a fucking **bitch** so no one remembers for some fucking reason. Though...if you did use me, I think I could job your memory a bit. See how long that nonsense lasts against the power of me! Against the **rage**! Against the two of us again!_

_**Again**?!_

_Babe, Lup, I **told** you. Don't worry bout that too much. You'll get a headache. Now why don't you come the rest of the way in? Shake off your babysitters and let's go fix that little blemish on your record._

_Yeah. We can fix that. We can do **anything** , right?_

_Yeah **sure** babe. Let's glass that town and move on!_

Lup walked on, unawares.

* * *

Julia was chewing a new hole through her lip as they stared at the dark pit that was _supposed_ to be a vault of magical artifacts. Gundren gaped for a moment and then started turning a dark reddish-clay color. He grit his blocky teeth together and hissed things—most likely Not Very Nice things—in Dwarven. Hekuba looked a bit affronted but made no note to stop him. Nor did Kravitz or Lup.

Inside the cave, tendrils of... _something_ reached out. Julia could feel the radiant energy imbued in them but there was this sort of familiar-but-not- _too_ -familiar-but-not-too- _not_ -familiar quality of its touch that set her skin itching. She felt heat and smoke filled her nose as bile knocked at her epiglottis. She heaved slightly and used her clenched fists to ground herself. Her skin broke again and her blood dribbled down her fingers. It was enough.

Lup stepped forward, slowly and surely. Her ears, for once, were deathly still and erect. Her eyes were dazed and half-lidded. She didn't hear Mavis call as she tugged on Lup's shirt. Gundren walked purposely in front of her, still swearing and muttering in Dwarven.

Noting Julia's frustrated brow furrowing, Kravitz plucked a string of his lyre and Gundren's mouthy anger became clear. " _I don't understand how this could have happened?!! He fucking sealed up this goddamn vault tighter than a svirneblin's asshole!_ " Well _that_ was an epithet that Julia had never heard before and never wanted to hear again. Thank the Queen for Comprehend Languages, she supposed.

Their footsteps echoed around the vault as they made their way deeper in but...something about the sound was _wrong_? Instead of the dull thud of shoes on rock, it sounded like a gnome with tap shoes was doing a routine on a table. Clinking instead of thudding. Wrong indeed.

" _And to think that he'd fucking robbed the damn place clean before fucking off that sick sonovabitch! Couldn't bother to pay alimony or child support but gods all know he could steal from his Clan and go be fucking rich somewhere else_." Gundren continued to insult his father as they went deeper in. Kravitz stood in front of Mavis and Mookie; Hekuba was closer to Gundren to make sure he didn't do anything stupid. Well...stupid- _er_ than insulting Killian, anyway. Behind Mavis and Mookie—who were warily eyeing the large woman—was Killian. Her crossbow was resting across her shoulders and she had resting murder face. Julia didn't blame her, to be honest, but murder should be the last resort when it comes to family members of people that...mean...stuff...to...

_**[REDACTED]** _

To...

 _Huh_...

_That's fucking weird..._

Julia shook off the feeling of wrong and guilt and _empty_ and looked on ahead. It was because of this that she noticed what was waiting for them at the end of this long tunnel of glass. A Dwarven statue, right hand outstretched, with an ornate gauntlet on. The statue was made of the same black glass that the rest of the vault was made of but there was something macabre and sinister in the composition and stance of this statue. Arm outstretched in one last bid for _something_...

 _Afraid_. Alive. Now _dead_.

" _What_?" Kravitz whispered, barely loud enough for Julia, at the front of the order, to hear. Killian, however, was much louder.

"Holy _fuck_."

"Is this all? This statue and some fucking glove?!" Gundren, somewhere between anger and... _desire_. No, desire was _longing_. _This_? More _sinister_. Not desire but... _hunger_.

" _Yeah_ , Gundren," Killian hummed, her hand grabbing at her crossbow's safety to disengage it, "I'm gonna need you and the rest of your crew to step off and maybe back away from the _ **[REDACTED]**  _like _right_ fucking now?" Julia looked at her, Killian's face creased in worry and anger, tusks bared. Lup still seemed out of it, teetering at the precipice of the statue's radius. Hekuba was staring directly at the back of Gundren's head, glaring dozens of points of damage. Mavis and Mookie exchanged looks. Kravitz was fumbling with something in his pocket that hummed and buzzed with snow and sorrow.

Gundren didn't look back at Killian, his posture clenching. "No. I don't _think_ so."

" _Gundren_ , I'm _warning_ you." Killian's voice deepened, a feral growl beginning in her chest and vibrating the metal seared in Julia's finger.

"And I'm telling you to fuck _right_ and _off_ , Clanless." Gundren snapped. Lup's ears didn't move. She didn't move at all. Her eyes were focused on the statue and the glove. Her pupils were blown and focused on the copper and ruby glow.

Hekuba whipped her quarterstaff from her back and leveled it at Gundren's head. " _Stay your tongue_."

"I will do _no_ such thing!" Gundren was yelling now. Kravitz used his arm to herd Mavis and Mookie towards the exit of the vault. "This is my fucking _birthright_. Whatever remains in this _fucking_ vault is _my inheritance_. You _cannot_ command me to fucking do _jack-shit_ here, nor will I _fucking_ obey a _goddamn_ word your bone-eating mouth spews."

 _Mitigate damage_ , the tactical part of Julia commanded. _Stop what is happening before it happens_. She moved, pulling her sword out of it's sheath, and said, in the softest, most controlled voice she could, "Please step back. This isn't _safe_." Her face was hot. Her finger itched. Her heart rattled her ribcage. She wanted to _hurl_.

Gundren's ire was focused on Julia now but...Lup stepped forward, hand outstretched to the glove, and he moved _fast_. He yanked the glove off the statue, which crumbled to black sand, and jammed it on his own hand. It fit perfectly, coppery metal shrinking to wrap around his fingers. The ring set on each knuckle glowed like embers and they ignited, in a torrent of red fire that reflected off the tapetum lucidum of Lup, Kravitz, and Killian's eyes. Liquid flame leaked from between Gundren's teeth and he screamed in something that married anger with pain. _Torment_ , perhaps? Joy maybe, if not twisted and broken.

Killian hissed as fire continued to flicker and drip off of Gundren. " _Fuck_."

" _Like I said_ —" Gundren yelled—quite unnecessary in the vault they were occupying—as he lit up the room " _all that is in this goddamn vault is mine by blood_!"

"Fuck fuck _fuck_ ," Killian repeated. Julia silently agreed. "This is _exactly_ what I was a- _fucking_ -fraid of!" Killian squared off against Gundren and glared. "Now _please_ take the damn thing off so we can talk like civilized beings."

" _How about you just **die** instead?_ " Gundren leveled the glove at Killian and fire collected in his palm. Then the world went a bright yellow-white.

* * *

Hekuba figured her cousin was a complete douchenozzle. _That_ much was even obvious to a half-blind kenku. What she _didn't_ foresee, was her cousin trying to kill a woman just because she was an _orc_.

When he leveled the fire-spewing glove at Killian, who was behind literally everybody, _including_ her children, Hekuba put her foot down. No. _Fuck_ no. _Hell_ fucking no. Holy hell fucking no on a shit stick.

Hekuba opened her mouth and gestured sharply, hand arcing in a wave. A jagged arc of electricity ripped forth and slammed against the blast Gundren conjured. "How bout you calm the _fuck_ down before I drag your ass back to the Clan so _they_ can talk some sense into your fool head?!"

Fire flickered between his teeth. Gundren hissed in response. " ** _You_** ," his eyes flickered, hot coals in an ashen pyre, " _keep your **goddamn** fucking nose out of my business before I **remove** it, Roughridge. I will **take** my birthright and I will **kill** this Clanless and you will say **nothing**._ "

"How about you _don't_ and we talk about this like fucking _grown-ups_?!" Calm Emotions flickered on Kravitz's lips but she shot him a look that told him that he'd be better off putting a firebolt through his own brain. Instead his hands waved in a motion that made Hekuba nauseous to look at and he hummed a low note that made her teeth hurt. A wave of magic that itched at the back of her throat rippled outward from Kravitz.

Gundren didn't seem to notice Kravitz's spell, too focused on Killian. " _You can't make me!_ "

 _This_ , Hekuba grumped internally, _is why I don't associate with that side of the Clan. They're all pissbabies._

"Put. The _ **[REDACTED]**  _down please. I won't _shoot_ you if you do that. Then we can _talk_. I can compensate you for your loss. My employer would—" her attempt at diplomacy was shattered by a bolt of fire that missed her by inches.

 _"I will do **no such thing**!"_ Gundren screamed, too loud for this small cave.

Hekuba decided that she had had enough of Gundren's bullshit. "Shut the _hell_ up!"

 _Now_ Kravitz plucked Calm Emotion on his lute and the wave of placation that followed it washed over everyone. It didn't take on most, though. Gundren turned his ire towards Kravitz.

" ** _You_**!"

"Fucking _tits_ ," Kravitz swore. Gundren shot a plume of fire towards Kravitz, who threw up Shield. The fire curled around an invisible sphere that surrounded Kravitz but did not abate. In fact, it _intensified_. Kravitz began sweating as the heat grew with each passing moment. He wouldn't be able to wait out that heat if it kept going.

Hekuba noticed this. _All_ of them did, but only Hekuba _acted_. Snapping her quarterstaff in a wide sweep, she aimed for his head. There was a splintering sound and shards of charred wood scattered across the cave floor. Gundren turned his attention back to Hekuba. The flames around Kravitz died out and he released the Shield.

" _A Clan member like you **dare** strike me?! I could destroy you so **easily** , Hekuba! I could **demolish** you and your pretty group **without a thought**! Instead I'm focusing on the Clanless! You and your kids should **thank** me_!" Gundren was slavering. Mookie gripped Mavis, who huddled behind Kravitz, who was looking back as if he was waiting on something.

"You need to _calm down_ Gundren. You're making a mistake!" Hekuba swept her hand out again, an arc of Witch Bolt colliding with his gloved hand. It was about as effective as a pebble against a dragon's hide.

" _ **You** need to back **off**!_ " Gundren retorted. A fire bolt hit her in the chest and she doubled over, wheezing.

It was _then_ that what Kravitz did became apparent.

It was _then_ that a skeleton shambled into the fray.

* * *

Many people who knew _what_ Kravitz was tended to find a problem with a drow who worshipped the Raven Queen—mother of the carrion birds, mistress of the fate of the deceased, goddess who rules over the Astral Plane—being a bard of _mourning_. A _necromancer_. The _one_ thing the Queen could not abide.

No one even asked him _why_ he chose that profession. _Why_ he chose that taboo. _Why_ he became the Piper for the dead.

See, his Queen could not abide a necromancer, _but_ Kravitz respected Her rules even as he broke them. _Yes_ , he could raise the dead, but he put them to rest when he was finished, praying for forgiveness. _Yes_ , he could summon a procession of ghosts to march forward and bring his enemies to their ranks but he thanked them and gave his Queen their names to pardon when all was finished. _Yes_ , he could knit and inflict wounds that lived deep in the past as scars and emotional trauma, but he never _made_ , just _moved_ from one to another.

So the note that acted as the focus component of that mysterious spell from earlier resonated low and deep and set its tendrils out to find a corpse not protected by his Queen. _Thankfully_ there was a skeleton in a crimson robe and jacket leaning against the wall just outside the vault door. Kravitz's magic permeated the bones of this corpse and reanimated it to its full height—moreso with the ridiculous hat on its head—and sent it sprinting full-tilt into the vault at the most dramatically appropriate moment.

Just as Hekuba took a firebolt to the chest for being mouthy, the reanimated skeleton charged in and leveled a cheap wand at Gundren and wordlessly shot off five Magic Missiles. Kravitz and the rest of the group gaped a bit as each Missile not only hit their mark—as Magic Missiles are wont to do—but staggered Gundren back a bit and bought them time. Relieved, Kravitz took a moment to assure the status of the littlest ones—Mookie was fine, _wary_ but fine, while Mavis was _obviously_ perturbed—and then turned to cast Cure Wounds on Hekuba, magically grafting new skin over her burn and following it with Mending to fix her clothes.

Lup, now wholly awake for some reason, pointed at the skeleton and asked, "the _fuck_ is this noise?"

"Being a mourning bard helps sometimes when you're in a cave system," Kravitz replied, laughing faintly at her look of absolute shock.

" _Thank fuck_ for that random dead dude then," Lup pointed her staff at Gundren, who was recovering from the post-mortem Magic Missile, and shook her head as if she was getting water out of her ears. "Let's stop this dick."

Kravitz was about to reply when his coin let out a loud scream of static that only he seemed to hear. That shocked him enough that he doubled over and clutched his head in his hands in pain. Lup took that as Gundren attacking him _indirectly_ and launched a Scorching Ray at him. Which, of course, did _jack-all._ He was _on fire_ , Lup. Common sense. _Damn_.

Her attack drew Gundren's attention and the dwarf just attempted to torch her to fuck and back. It, as one might expect of a fire-based evocation specialist, didn't do _much_ , but it did put a crisp on her hair. She looked crinkly round the edges and moderately pissed off. " _Okay_ ," Lup hissed through soot-covered teeth, " _fuck_ this and _fuck_ you."

The skeleton in the shitty hat wordlessly cast another aggressive Magic Missile—six this time—and seemed more pointed and powerful than before. All six bolts slammed into Gundren's chest and he staggered farther than before, flames _literally_ licking about his eyes and teeth and fingers. It was streaming from him now.

Gundren screamed with anger and wheeled to face Kravitz, the one responsible for this _massive_ annoyance. Even if he wasn't very educated in terms of magic and the like, it didn't take a _genius_ to know that an unknown spell cast by a bard and a random skeleton were one and the same. Liquid fire dribbled from his mouth like saliva and his hair stood on end, flickering around like seeking tongues of umber flame.

The static his coin gave off stopped but it took Kravitz a hot moment to recover. That moment was enough for Gundren to get one good critical hit in. Molten obsidian warped around his feet and the tunnel shifted as heat haze cast a potent illusion of movement. Gundren pointed the gauntleted hand at Kravitz and a sun came forth with a vengeance.

Kravitz screamed as the hatred and fire Gundren was conjuring ripped away his hair and seared his left side. The smell of cooking meat made his stomach roll and saliva streamed from his lips, mixing with bitter bile.

The skeleton in the shitty hat stood more rigid than before and turned its eyeless head to face Gundren. It held one hand towards Kravitz, who was doubled over as fire consumed the air around him and ate through his clothes, and cast a _terrifyingly_ powerful spell whose effects weren't _immediately_ obvious with the other.

Gundren pulled back from his assault to take another round at Kravitz and it was _then_ that the spell the skeleton in the shitty hat cast came to fruition. At _first_ , Gundren's movement slowed. Jerkily, a stammering marionette, the hand he cocked to strike with caught three times mid-windup and, at peak pull-back, slowed to a grinding halt.

 _Literal_ grinding.

Everyone stared at the halted fist and tried to make sense of it all. Including Gundren.

" _What the **fuck** did you **do**?!_ " Gundren's voice had dissolved into a sort of stage whisper, if the whisperer was suffering from mono and also smoked a carton a day. His words caught on his glottis and clipped his teeth, wheezing out his nose. He asked again, " _what the **hell** did you **do** to me?!"_

Kravitz opened his mouth and closed it again, weakly setting in a smile as he realized the goldmine he found in the strange skeleton in a terrible hat. Hysterical laughter bubbled forth through seared lips. His shoulders shook as he sobbed from pain and the effort of holding in his final expression of self.

 _Flesh to stone_. That was the spell that the skeleton cast and now it became more apparent as it encroached farther in on Gundren's arm.

Black glass. _Obsidian_. Beautiful irony.

" _Brilliant_...," Kravitz whispered through cracking lungs and bleeding lips.

The skeleton turned to face Kravitz with its empty eye sockets and seemed to smile _wider_ , if that were possible.

Gundren flared up again and the obsidian that was consuming his arm sloughed off in gobbets of red-hot rock, leaving behind raw dermis and blood and blood and blood. With a violent scream, he rocketed through the skeleton that was really wrecking his shit and out the vault and _probably_ out of Wave Echo Cave _entirely_ , if the lowering pitch of his cries were to be believed.

Kravitz collapsed into a pile of exhaustion, his last sight a single, shitty hat atop a smoldering pile of bones.

 _Well_ , he mused around the white noise shrieking in his skull, _at least he didn't hurt the kids..._

Then the undertow took him gently, with it the pain of his burns, stripped flesh, and the exhaustion of magic _far_ overused.


	8. Ep. 7: Bugbear 2: Electric Boogaloo (pt.7)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Julia feels guilty.
> 
> Lup is concerned for her mental health.
> 
> Hekuba can't keep her cool.
> 
> Killian is just super fucking done with everything that's gone on today, by God, and if anything else happens, she's gonna flip her shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay no. This one is the hit jail one. I did a big bad hit on our sweet Kravitz boy and I refuse to apologize. Now I may be carted away to the Jail of Hits.
> 
> Took me less than I thought it would—though I had hoped I'd have finished it by the TAZiversary but...fate...work...I'm lazy...shit just got in the way—but it's super fucking done! I'm actually pleased with this! And I got to play with Killian!
> 
> After this is Lunar Interlude I, pt.1. And then Lunar Interlude I, pt.2. Then Rockport Ltd. I'm excited.
> 
> Please forgive any personality inconsistencies in this. I'm very tired and rarely have time to write that isn't at fuck you o' clock at night or I should be sleeping a.m. Karma, my lovely beta, will hit me up later with the fixes later.
> 
> Also, as you may notice in this chapter: I've changed the way that the voidfish takes things. The pound redaction just was...clunky. This is much more compact and simple. I like it better.
> 
> As always, my schedule is inconsistent and I write when I'm able to push through the haze of depression long enough to get shit done! Long live the little devil in my brain! May his pitchfork rot clean through and his horns crumble to pieces!
> 
> I hope it satisfies. I'm happy with it irregardless.

Julia stared at the way that the newly burned skin on Kravitz's face glistened in the low torchlight. Red and inflamed—no pun intended—they looked like they were worse before his own natural magic ate away at them. As she placed her palms flat against Kravitz's chest and used her Lay on Hands, she watched all but a large swathe of burns across his eyes become mere mottled skin. The burns across his eyes were still heavy scars and Julia guiltily wondered if he would be blind.

If she had done better. _He_ was the protector. She couldn't even save _this man she had just met_. She couldn't save _anything_.

Speaking of, Kravitz's mouth pinched as he slowly regained consciousness once more. " _Mmnh_?"

"Thank _fuck_ you aren't dead," Lup laughed, hysteria ringing about her words.

The world was a whirling machine, tilted off-axis. Julia could taste— _well_...this was a road she had been down before. No need to go back there. " _Sorry_...," she murmured.

" _For_ —?" His voice caught for a moment, mouth pinching again in a more confused manner. "Oh...well...could be _worse_?" His ears swiveled widely, jangling. They were more similar to Lup's own wild motions than his normally reserved ones. And still, he didn't seem to—

" _Worse_?!" Lup squeaked, her voice cracking. "Worse than _this_?!"

"Could be dead," he replied. His ears pinned against his head. Julia could feel her heart hammer away in her chest. This wasn't funny and she— _she— **she—**_!

"I _think_ ," Killian said, each word a laborious decision, "that we should fucking get that fucker before he does something everyone regrets? Like... _now_?"

" _I_ think," Hekuba retorted, sharp and no-nonsense, "we should deal with _this_ bullshit first."

" _Oh_ , what? No blind bards allowed on this adventure?" His self deprecating joke fell flat with them, the dark burns across his eyes really hitting home as they contrasted with his pale, pale eyes.

She had been hoping _but—!_

Kravitz sighed heavily and rolled his shoulders. " _Look_ ," he noted, "I understand and I'll concede here. _But_ —!" Here he raised a single finger, his ears directed towards Killian, who was grumbling. "—leave the kids with me. I'll wander my way back to Phandalin—sure that the mules know it by heart and Soren _for_ _sure_ is that brilliant—and I think they've had enough."

Julia gave a cursory glance to Mavis and Mookie, who were holding one another like their lives depended on it. Which they probably _did_. _Fuck_ , kids that young shouldn't be that worried for their life. Not like this. _Not like this._

She turned her gaze to Hekuba, who was frowning so hard Julia was certain she was going to crack her face in two. This was her decision because they were her kids.

"Hek?" Julia asked.

"One moment." Hekuba turned back to her kids and talked in quiet Dwarven. Her voice cracked and she gestured about but Mavis' calm response seemed to erase any doubt she had. Then she turned back to Julia and Kravitz with a nod. She combed her fingers through her beard but seemed stoic enough. "Mavis says she'll be your eyes if need be. Just keep hands on both of them or you'll lose one." The threat is empty. It's always empty.

"Okay, can we _go_?!" Killian was frantic now, her eyes rolling as she tilted her head towards the smoldering trail Gundren left behind. "I don't wanna know what chucklefuck McGee is doing with the _**[REDACTED]** _ right now. Not fucking great things I'd assume."

Julia counted heads quickly. Hekuba was busy hugging Mavis and Mookie and making sure they would stay with Kravitz. Kravitz was readjusting his burned clothes to look more presentable—and _failing_. Killian was bouncing on the balls of her feet as she looked from the exit to the people inside the vault. Lup was dusting off the hat that remained after the skeleton's incineration. Julia made a face.

" _Matches my corpse shoes_ ," Lup winked. She donned the shitty hat—adding an extra foot to her already prestigious height—and adjusted its wide, floppy brim to reveal one of her bright elven eyes. "Ready," she said in Common, bouncing on the balls of her feet.

" _Thank fucking Christ_ ," Killian exhaled. She turned to the ladies and forced a smile, "time to go!"

"Have fun!" Kravitz called after them, one hand in Mavis' and one in Mookie's, slowly walking towards the exit at well.

_Unlikely_ , thought Julia. _I just hope we don't die._

That's all she _could_ do: _hope_.

* * *

_Why did that thing sound like me? Why did it talk to **me** and not the others?! **Why** **me** though?_ Lup was oddly silent on their aggressively fast trek back to Phandalin. Drawn deep into her own thoughts, drowning in confusion, she masked it with a strange dead dude's hat and the false confidence she had learned to apply like makeup.

"I _swear_ , if I get the chance, I'm going to kick his fucking sack through his goddamn torso. He will taste his fucking nut every time he _breathes_." Hekuba cursed as she jogged alongside Killian and Julia.

"Oh worm," Lup replied, startled by how easy it was to talk without saying much.

_But like...it **sounded** like...me though! Me **before I was me!** Like...ancient ass me! **Why**?_

It was surprising how lucid Julia was, considering she had the most issue with fire. During the whole... _shitshow_ with Gundren earlier, she had seized up and stopped moving, eyes focused on the flames. Never-you-mind that Lup was recovering from that _fucking_ thing with her voice. Never-you-mind that Hekuba mom-voiced Gundren till he got pissed enough to try and backhand the magic _right_ out of her. Never-you-mind that Kravitz—now _blind_ of all fucking things!—did the most in that fight with that fucking weirdass skeleton in the shitty hat.

The same shitty hat that now rested upon Lup's head. _Hey_! Necromancy is recycling bodies and she's just recycling the rest! No harm no foul.

_Still_. Her mind buzzed as they made haste towards Phandalin. Could've taken Soren and made it faster but _whatevs_. Lup wasn't gonna argue with Killian when she was that pissed and Kravitz needed Soren more anyway.

There's another one, isn't it. _Kravitz_. Blinded by fire? Fucking _brutal_. Lup didn't know how to feel about that but...he _seemed_ okay? _Seemed_ being the _primary_ and _only_ fucking word about it. Like Julia and Hekuba and even herself, Kravitz was hard to read in small doses and, with the way his ears snapped about and he seems to see them despite it all, it was in the air if he was fine or not.

_Probably not._ Yeah, she'd go with _not_.

Killian was still fuming. It was quite possible that she would never calm down but at least it wasn't _her_ that had that fucking glove thingy. She seemed competent and, while this currently-on-fire Gundren was a tough cookie, a competent on-fire Killian with that nasty ass staticy _whateverthefuck_ would be a _million_ times worse. Mainly coz she'd know what to do with the darn thing.

_That_ , at least, was a _relief_.

Through the power of map montage—or quite possibly disassociating for a whole on-foot trip through fire-ruined countryside—Lup, Killian, Hekuba, and Julia arrived at a surprisingly unburnt Phandalin. _Huh_.

"Okay, _what_ _the hell_?" Killian gestured at the unharmed town with her crossbow-holding arm.

"Surprisingly structurally sound for a town with a fiery dwarf in it." Was it wrong to joke now? Coz if so, then Lup was just ticking off boxes for her punch-card for hell.

" _Wh_ —I'm almost _positive_ he would've gotten here before us!" Killian protested, gesturing about.

"And _we believe you_ ," Lup said. "So let's find him. _Hek_?"

Hekuba crinkled her nose in thought. It was stupid cute. Made her look like a small bat, with her ears and wide-set eyes. "He liked to drink. _Likes_? Liked."

"Then let's find the _bar_! Or _him_! _Whichever_ comes first."

The bar _and_ him all at once! _Lucky them!_

The door of the bar they met Gundren and Kravitz in before all this shit went down was a small pile of ashes and a terrified looking halfling was sitting next to an overturned cart labeled _Redcheek Family Cider._ Julia took a moment to say something to the halfling while Lup, Killian, and Hekuba took time to make a battle plan. Or what little one they could muster.

"Attacking him does bupkis. I'm a fire mage m'dudes, I'll be doing like... _negative_ damage!" Lup looked at Killian for a plan.

To her credit, the orc woman _did_ look pensive. " _Look_ ," she said, "I've never been up against one of the... _things_ like this before. Not like _personally_. I'm more of a hitman, if you could believe that?" Lup muttered in assent. "But like... _don't attack him_? Anyone got good charisma?"

Lup raised her hand. Everyone looked at her. "I mean, I _do_ but I don't think I can un-screw that pooch in there. Save for the door, he seems content enough to drink. Think we can just... _not_?" She doesn't like being a coward but self-preservation is a hard habit to break and the memory of an angry red dragon makes her skin crawl.

"Hekuba?" Killian looked to her.

She shrugged. "I've got the charisma of an angry dire badger but fuck knows I can _try_? I mean we're kin so maybe _that'll_ help?"

Julia rejoined them, the halfling calmed down and breathing regularly again. "Apparently he's been just drinking for about five minutes now. Not saying anything. Just on fire. Think we have a shot?"

"As much as anyone _can_." Killian's face was grim. "So let's go I s'pose..."

"No time to fry like the present!" One last joke for the road. One last goof. _Hot dicks_ did Lup _really_ hate that damn glove.

* * *

The inside of the bar was, admittedly, fairly empty. The bartender—bless that poor tiefling—was serving a flaming Gundren drink after drink of a fireproof liquor. No one else could be collateral. _Good_.

" _Hey_ Gundren," Hekuba tried to keep her voice level and docile. Calming. _Nice_.

( _Calypso_ , she wanted to _kill_ him. She wanted to grab him by his nose-hairs and teach him the taste of his own teeth. She wanted to tear him a new asshole and then shove her boot in _that_ one too. But _diplomacy_ is what they needed now and _diplomacy_ was what they were getting. _Diplomatic Hekuba._ What an oxymoron.)

" _Hekuba_ ," he hissed back. " _I though I left you to die in that damned cave_!"

" _Nope_. To stubborn to die. Runs in the family, don't it?" Behind her, Killian and Julia held the perimeter while Lup kept by the door, a warding spell almost complete. " _Thirsty_?"

" _Fuck off. **Finally** quieted down and now you're back_."

"Just trying to be friendly. No need for the tone, Gundo." _Hands out. Like you're talking Mookie out of a fit. Calm and quiet. Short words. Smile. Mean it. Smile dammit!_

" ** _Friendly_**?" Gundren laughed, bitter and sharp coals snapping. " _Like that one time you almost took my left arm coz I joked about Mavis' dad? Or the time Ben beat you in arm-wrestling and you broke **three bones in his hand**? Or **maybe** the time that Tharden got drunk, kissed you, and you took his front five teeth out with your staff? He **still** can't say his 's's right_!" He knocked back a shot, quickly replaced by the bartender, who gave Hekuba a pleading look. " _You've never really been **friendly** , Hek. **Fuck off**._ "

"Old sea dogs can learn new tricks. I'm _trying_ , dammit." _No. Don't lose your composure. Don't. **Stop**. Calm. Be **fucking** calm._

Gundren raised an arm and waved. A wall of fire rose up between her and the others. " _Then be friendly **away** from the ones with weapons. Fucking have a drink. Shot for shot, like when we were kids._ " It was with no small amount of guilt that she noticed the raw, bleeding muscle of his arm. That was the one that Kravitz's skeleton jacked up. Bile tasted in her throat but she couldn't refuse. Placation. _Calming_. She needed to get that damn glove off of him.

" _Sure_. I'll drink." Hekuba pulled out a stool—meant for taller races—and clambered atop of it. The bartender brough her a shot of something that smelled of peppers and pain Gundren raised his shot. She echoed the gesture. "You seem calm."

" ** _Mmnn_** ," he grunted and threw back his shot. She did the same. " _Drinking shuts it up_."

"Shuts _what_ up?" The bartender gave them two more. She raised hers first.

" _Damn voice in this thing_ ," he raised the hand with the gauntlet on it, " _tellin' me to kill whatever's in my way. Burn it to the ground. That my anger is **justified**._ "

Hekuba knocked hers back, shooting a look that said 'wait' at Lup, who seemed to be panicking. "Do you think that?" His followed, the bartender replacing them.

" _I dunno...,_ " he seemed... _confused_. Conflicted maybe. Definitely _not_ angry. " _Probably? Fuck if I ever was **calm**_."

"Runs in the family," Hekuba joked. They took their shots and grabbed the new ones in stride. "Can't forgive, can't forget, drink till you die, _yeah_?"

Gundren chuckled. The flames around him were crackling out. It was almost like he was being freed from the glove. Almost. " _Merle, I'd assume, is **one** of them?_ "

Hekuba clenched her fist. _Be calm. Be calming. Don't lose your temper_. " _Yep_. The biggest one, really."

" _So what about it has you so ticked? Is it him running away? The deadbeat bullshit? The bitter taste of bad sex in your mouth? Or the fact that he was as straight as a **horseshoe**_?" It wasn't _all_ Gundren. Rockseekers didn't show affection like _normal_ fucking people, they ribbed with softened jokes. Padded sticks. _Kind_ malice.

That kind of pain will still rile up an angry bear.

" _Fuck off!_ Not like _you_ had any shiny fucking past either, didja?! At least _I_ could keep a _fucking job!_ Not a _lush_! Not a _lecher_! Not a _fucking asshole_! I can _get it up_ and _keep it up_ but _Stone forbid_ that I can't _keep_ a damn _husband_!" She was set off. Too quick, like a firecracker. Pain, anger, and red everywhere.

_Some_ of the red was fire.

Her words though? _Not_ calm. Not calm and also _definitely_ enough to set Gundren off.

The wall of fire disappeared, leaving a vacuum of heat, and Gundren blazed. " _You shut your **damn** fucking **whore** mouth up Hekuba Roughridge. I'll seal it shut with fire if you **don't**_!"

"Good going on the diplomacy," Lup's snarky response was followed by a quick cast of Shield. How the _fuck_ Lup could cast Shield on others was unknown but it was appreciated. The heat from Gundren's anger made Hekuba's skin crawl but that was it.

"Fuck _off_ ," Hekuba snapped.

"I'll take my protection _elsewhere_ then!" She didn't mean it, thankfully. Lup was being... _her_.

(Always biting. Always funny. Always  _ **[REDACTED]**_.)

The fire around Gundren rose and intensified. The bartender had _thankfully_ darted off but Killian's horrified look told Hekuba more was going to happen. Gundren screamed—it was hard to tell _what kind_ of scream it was, but it was a scream—and Killian gestured for them to run.

"We need to get cover!" Her voice pitched as she tried to hurry Hekuba, Lup, and Julia out of the bar. "Hop in the well _now_! The heat rises!"

" _Heat_?" Lup screeched.

Hekuba looked back behind her and swallowed dryly. The fire around Gundren was consuming the town. _All_ of it. Razing everything to the ground. " _Let's go!_ "

Killian waved a feather duster around and the soft feeling of Feather Fall enveloped them. " _Let's go_!" She leapt into the well and gently touched down.

Julia was next, her eyes glazed over, blood dripping from her lower lip. She fell a little heavier, knocking Killian to the ground. Then Lup, gracefully pirouetting onto Julia. Finally, Hekuba landed with both feet flat on the others, knocking Killian clean unconscious.

Flames above them screamed, leaving the bottom of the well almost freezing. Then, like a curse, the roar of fire became sheer silence.

" _Fuck_." Hekuba said. " _Fuck **fuck** fuck **fuck**_."

"I think we just _live_ down here now." Even Lup's laugh was forced. _Pained_. Fuck.

Julia said nothing, gently rocking back and forth, her gaze far away.

" ** _Fuck_**."

* * *

Killian was having the _worst_ goddamn day of her entire fucking life so far. The _so far_ was requisite because, if the events prior had been any indication, it wasn't gonna get _much_ better.

When Hekuba landed on top of Julia on top of Killian, it had knocked her _clean_ out. So the time between Phandalin being burned to the ground and the four of them leaving their new well home was blissful nothingness. According to Hekuba—as Julia was in a state of traumatic muteness and Lup was busy making sure she was okay, despite the muteness—Kravitz had rolled in with her kids in tow and helped them get out of the well onto terra firma. Then they just discussed what to do with the Phoenix Fire Gauntlet while she recovered from a possible concussion and Lup got Julia functioning.

This was disconcerting point number one: _none_ of them, _kids included_ , had moved to _touch_ the Gauntlet. Even now, barely conscious and mostly groggy, Killian was about ten seconds away from _murdering_ all of them to get her hands on the darn thing. And _she_ was _inoculated_.

Disconcerting fact number two was far more present but much less of a concern, despite its odd nature: despite looking so, Kravitz sure didn't _seem_ blind.

Nevertheless, point of order: the Gauntlet needed to be retrieved. Killian was _super_ not a Reclaimer—she was a Regulator instead, sent to off the people who got too grabby with the Relics—and had to deal with Reclaimers more than any other person in the B.O.B.

While Hekuba and Kravitz were in the midst of a heated argument about her kids' safety and Lup was helping Julia, Killian addressed the fucking elephant in the room. "Y'all just gonna let that sit in the open for any other jackass to get a hold of?"

Kravitz looked at Killian with his dead, milky eyes, ears erect. "We didn't know what to do with it?"

"Julia and I are fine having fucking _nothing_ to do with the damn thing," Lup said, turning back to comfort the named party.

"Figured you'd know better, since you seemed to know the damage before it occurred," Hekuba admitted.

"So you _left_ it there? Didn't even feel like putting it on?" Her voice cracked a bit. _Dammit_ , though, this was a _big goddamn deal._ No one could _really_ resist the Thrall. Not even _the Reclaimers_!

"I fucking _hate_ the thing."

"Told it to fuck off."

"Fire's not my deal." Lup, Hekuba, and Kravitz answered in unison. Julia remained silent.

"Holy _fucking_ hell." Killian took a moment to consider her options. With the way things went with Brad, the Director was _super_ gonna be pissed. Brad was, while a _tool_ , a good fucking dude who was good at his job. So if she brought in the people that not only offed Brad, but also didn't bother with a Relic, she _might_ earn enough brownie points to not get put on toilet duty for a week.

On the _other_ hand: they had kids. That was not conducive with work on the moon. And, like, if they turned out to be, like, Redrobe sympathizers, then she was _fired_. Off the moon. Into the sun. _Dead as fuck_.

Poor Killian. RIP in peperoni.

"Okay, _okay okay **okay**_...," she took a deep breath. _In. Out_. " _Okay_." All four of them—and Mavis, the older of Hekuba's two kids—looked at her intently. "What do you think about...a _job_ with... _my employer_?"

_That's it. Good job Killian! Work **around** the voidfish! Make it vague enough that they can hear you. **Really** hear you!_

In the back of her head she could hear the poking and prodding of the Gauntlet. It wanted her. She wanted it. _Needed_ it. Couldn't live _without_ it. She could fix _everything_ if she just put it on. Put it on. _Put me on. Put me on!_

Taking a brief break from Julia, Lup replied, "sounds sketch babe."

" _No_! I mean, _yeah_ , it kinda _does_ but like—!" _Put me on. Put me on. Put me on. Put. Me. On_. " _Since_...can one of you... _fucking_...just put the Phoenix Fire Gauntlet in your bag or _something_?! Hard to...fucking _think_ with it around."

" _Sure_. Gimme a sec to shut the damn thing up." Lup stood up and walked over to the Gauntlet, seemingly nonplussed by the static that probably covered the Relic's name. Hekuba, Kravitz, and Hekuba's kids stared after her as she bent over Gundren's obsidian corpse, said loudly, "oh, _get bent_ you piece of _shit_ ," and pocketed the Gauntlet. Blessed silence washed over Killian and she was certain it showed on her face.

" _Thank_ you."

" _Any time_." While the sense of flirting hid behind Lup's reply, it was buried under forced cheer and a pinched face. She didn't like the Gauntlet. That at least puts her one up in Killian's book.

" _Anyway_ , like I was saying: I _know_ this is _really_ sketchy and all, with the static and so on that you probably hear, but I've _literally_ never met _anyone_ that dealt with those... _things_ like you did." Killian tried to not sound pleading but she felt eager. She wanted to wrap this damn thing up neat and the four people—and two kids—in front of her were loose ends. "My employer can pay you for this job—seeing as your payment was... _incinerated_ —and can hire you full time with dividends on _great_ recommendation. I can vouch for you and, _no_ , I'm not getting a premium for you joining. Secret organizations tend to be very closed circles and it doesn't bode well to invite willy-nilly." _**God** , Killian, **shut up**! You're babbling again!_

Lup had sat back down with Julia, ears up and listening. While Killian couldn't see her face, the tilt of her ears was enough to show a bit of interest but mostly scepticism. Hekuba looked downright critical and Kravitz was impassive as before. _None of them_ believed her. _Fucking shit hell **fuck**._

" _Okay_ , so like, _again_ , _super_ sketchy sounding and definitely sounds like a bullshit fantasy Ponzi scheme but know that...shit like that Gauntlet? There's more of them out there and...so far...y'all are the best at getting them we've ever seen. I've been around since the place's conception and I can confirm: you're the _first_ people to lay hands on one of these things and _not_ use them. You're _so_ goddamn _unique_ and you can do _great things_ with those skills! Coz Phandalin is one in a dozen. There are other towns like _this_ with things like _that_ and they may not have people like _you_ to save them." Killian gestured about wildly, unsure of how to get them to believe her. Then she sighed, shoulders smacking against her drooping ears. "You can _not_ believe me, _fine_. But I need you to at least drop that off with my boss. Talk to him and then make your decision. You have my word."

Julia, seemingly more coherent but still out of it, nudged Lup and said something in a guttural and consonant-heavy language. Lup frowned and responded in kind, her ears flat against her head. Then she turned to face Hekuba and said something in Dwarven. Hekuba shouted angrily, gesturing back from her kids to the disk of obsidian that used to be a thriving town. Then she got louder and Kravitz joined in with something placating in Dwarven. It was a long shot assuming that Killian didn't speak Dwarven—she _didn't_ , but long shot nonetheless—and yet they didn't trust her enough to speak in Common. It didn't hurt as much as one might think. They barely knew each other, after all. Killian was the most strange of the strangers.

Hekuba pointed to her kids and yelled something angry in Dwarven. Lup laughed and turned to ask the eldest of the two something. She replied in quiet Dwarven and Lup turned back to Hekuba, smug. Kravitz said something offhand and Lup laughed heartily. Then she spoke in that guttural language to Julia, who murmured an answer.

Satisfied, Lup hooked her elbow into Kravitz's and grinned at Killian. It was predatory and smug and had an air of "I know something you don't". "So _Killian_ ," she said in smooth Common, "after _some_ deliberation, we decided we'll go. With you to your employer, that is." Her violet eyes sparked and she grinned a crooked grin. "Hekuba was worried about her kids but I swore she could have my and Soren's heads if they were hurt. Julia just wants to prevent this shit again, so she's game, _right_ babe?" Julia held up a thumb in affirmation. Lup giggled. "And cha'girl's down to clown where money flows. Our blind bard though, he can speak for himself without hurting feelings."

Kravitz smiled at Killian and it was as sincere as it came. "So long as disabilities don't disqualify me, I'd be pleased. If the other things are _anything_ like this one, I'll be all over it." Something else lay beneath the sincerity of his response. Something ulterior, but ultimately benign.

"Then let me call us some transport. _Um_...the owlbear needs to stay _though_. We... _ah_....won't have room..."

" _Soren_?!" Lup grabbed the neck of the tyto-type owlbear and pouted. "Whatever will I do _without_ him?"

"I'm sure we can arrange board for him. On _our_ pay, not yours. He just...he won't _fit_ is the thing." Killian pleaded wordlessly with Lup, who seemed to figure it out.

" _Fine_ ," she conceded, knowing she'd won the argument as much she could. "Lemme say my goodbyes."

Lup walked off as Killian figured out the best place for an orb and wondered how they'd manage to fit the seven of them into a four-seater without someone vomiting badly or suffering whiplash. Seemed like a spot just off the obsidian was the best so she pressed the Bureau's symbol and sent a ping to Avi on the base. Then she waited patiently until the orb came to a calm rest with the door open.

" _Well_ ," she hummed, hoping this didn't come off too "let me show you a fine vintage" for anyone's tastes, "this is it. There are... _only four_ seats, just so you know, so someone's gonna hafta...take someone on their laps." Lup wiggled her eyebrows at Killian, who flushed.

"Let's figure out seating arrangements quick. I wanna see where this fucking _goes_!" Lup clapped her hands eagerly, startling Julia, who had been enraptured by the futuristic nature of the Miller Labs transport system.

"Yeah. Quickly please. I have a deadline to keep." Killian chuckled nervously. "I'm already in hot water for Bradson. Best not keep my boss waiting any longer."

After all, the moon waits for no orc.


	9. Ep. 8: Lunar Interlude I: Tits-Deep in Test Town (pt.1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Julia contemplates what the hell is going on and considers the fact that she may have drank jellyfish shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am bad at keeping my shit together. This is a chapter that took forever. But now it's done. Yay me.
> 
> Um...sorry for the wait. I'm a disaster but hoo-boy shit eventually got finished.
> 
> The original write-up for this chapter was more complex, with a few extra POV changes but...then I thought: fuck it! Split this Interlude into two parts! You're taking too long and the initiation would take even longer! Don't do that! You won't ever finish it! So I did.
> 
> Tits-Deep in Test Town part one! It's done. Yay.
> 
> Hope you like it.
> 
> No beta today. We die like men.

If it weren't for the fact that she just stepped onto it herself, Julia Waxman wouldn't have believed that she was on the moon.

Even if the thought made her sick to her stomach.

Killian, upon docking, scurried off to "tell him I came back and fill him in on the details so he won't get up my ass about the whole shitshow", leaving the six of them to sit, nauseous, in the docking bay. Which left Julia between a panic attack and vomiting heavily, head between her knees to alleviate the pressure. Hekuba was gently rubbing circles in Mookie and Mavis' backs, humming something soothing in Dwarven. Lup was leaning back, eyes on the sky reflected in the dome above them while Kravitz kept making a high-pitched noise in the back of his throat, ears catching the response.

For a supposed secret base for a secret organization on the fucking moon, there was almost no-one there. Two guards at the exit to the docking area, the other orbs like the one they came in, and that's fucking it. Guards, orbs, nauseous adventurers.

The ground beneath Julia's feet rocked. If it was psychosomatic, she couldn't fucking tell. She let out a soft moan.

Kravitz's ears flipped up and forward. "Hail and well met!"

Julia peeked up from between her legs and saw a sturdy humanman guard approaching them, a sheepish grin on his scruffy face.

" _Uh_ , hi there!" His response was, as expected, nervous sounding. A burned goliath, a blind drow, a singed elf in a shitty hat, and a dwemmarm with two kids seemed like either a setup for a terrible joke _or_ the prelude to a horror story. Julia raised a single hand in response, her head still below her hips. "Sorry but, I saw you just sitting there and turned to Dave and said, ' _Dave_ ,' I said, ' _I think they need a pick-me-up_ ' I said and Dave, the joker, said ' _Avi, if you go over there and abandon post, the **[REDACTED]** will have your head for his fireplace_ ' but like, _fuck it_ , right? You only live once or something like that." Avi, apparently, smiled sheepishly at the dead-eyed stare of Kravitz and Lup's weary but cheeky smile.

"Julia," Julia said, introducing herself in the simplest and least vomit-inducing way possible. Her breath tasted like sour and it sucked. Her ears rang. _Eugh_.

"Hello Avi, I'm Kravitz."

"Lup and that's Hekuba and her kids, Mookie and Mavis." Lup paused from her stargazing to wave gently at the very confused humanman.

" _Cool_!" To his credit, Avi _did_ sound excited to meet them. "You, _uh_ , wanna nip?" He held up a silver flash and rocked it back and forth. A heavy sloshing sound came from within.

"I mean, after what we've seen, I'll drink my day away, but you're a _stranger_ dude and I'm _not_ too keen on dying here. I have an owlbear who needs me." Kravitz laughed at Lup's response. Julia chuckled too.

"Oh _shit_! Yeah, no, I got you! But like, you're _hella_ sick, _right_? This is just some liquor from home—I live in Brandybuck and all, _real_ good shit there—and it kinda takes the edge off. Makes things less wiggly round the corners and such till you can, _uh_ , get, _um_ , in on the joke?" Avi rubbed the back of his head with his spare hand, looking very thoughtful. He was choosing his words so the static that Killian spoke wouldn't invade his speech as well.

A kind gesture, if not futile.

" _Gimme_." If anything could make her less ill, Julia would take it, poison be damned. Avi passed the flask to her and she popped it open and took a swig. It burned, the _good_ kind of burn, and while it didn't rid her wholly of the nausea, it _did_ take the edge off. It was a smoky sweet liquor, probably made of some sort of swamp plant, if she had to warrant a guess. " _Good shit_ ," she mumbled.

Avi beamed. " _Thanks_! It's my family's recipe. Uses some hard to get plants that grow in a nearby peat bog."

"Pass the flask, don't Bogart that shit." Lup held out her hand and Julia gave it to her. Lup knocked back a swig and sighed. " _Yeah_ , that helped." She handed it to Kravitz who drank and gave it to Hekuba.

" _No_ , you can't have any. You're not old enough." Hekuba chastised Mookie, who had been making grabby hands at the drink. Mavis hugged her brother close to her chest, resting her chin in his curly hair. When Hekuba was done she handed it back to Avi, who clutched it to his chest with a content smile.

" _So_ ," Julia said, the first words she could speak without feeling like she would hurl, "Avi from Brandybuck?"

He jolted a bit when Julia called him, eyes wide and shoulders meeting his ears. " _Yeah_?"

"You mind hooking me up with more of that? Coz I may want some later when I'm in a partying mood." She shot him a chapped, toothy grin.

He lit up again. "Oh yeah! _Definitely_! Just, _um_ , hit me up!" The door behind him opened up and he started as Killian walked back in, looking for all the world as if she was returning from a hard-won argument. " _Shit_ , hey Killian!"

"Hi Avi. Coming by to get _these_ bozos. Don't worry bout me ratting on you to the _**[REDACTED**_ ]. You're good, man." She gave him a soft, tusked grin, and Avi sighed. " _Now_ ," Killian turned to Julia and the rest, "time to get weird."

"Weirder than the moonbase we're on?" Lup laughed at Kravitz's dry quip, teetering slightly. The booze Avi handed them was _strong_ , holy fuck.

"Yeah. Now get your a— _butts_ in the elevator." Self censor for the kids. _Solid_. Useless, but solid.

"First floor: men's wear, second floor: lingeré!" Lup laughed until she doubled over, elbow-to-elbow with Hekuba and Julia.

"Ha _ha_ ," Killian deadpanned. "So you're gonna ride this down to the bottom and the **_[REDACTED]_** is at the very end of the hall. You'll probably run into Johann so, um, be nice, but...good luck."

Filing into the elevator, the six of them huddled in and Mookie pressed the button for the bottom floor, eyes sparkling with excitement. A tinny tune filtered in through the elevator speaker. Something that sounded like a warbly version of _the Girl from Ipanema_. Julia found the words rising to her mouth, a low and gravely singing voice she hadn't used in a long time.

" _Olha que coisa mais linda mais cheia de graça é ela a menina que vem e que passa num doce balanço a caminho do mar. Moça do corpo dourado do sol de Ipanema o seu balançado é mais que um poema é a coisa mais linda que eu já vi passar_." The Terra0n tongue is—it sounds inelegant to those that don't know it but...it's melodic. Peaceful. Nice.

Lup smiled happily and swayed back and forth, her umbrastaff keeping her solid and grounded. She joined in as well, her Terran a little choppier but, still wonderful to hear. " _Ah, por que estou tão sozinho? Ah, por que tudo é tão triste? Ah, a beleza que existe, a beleza que não é só minha, que também passa sozinha._ "

Julia noted how Mavis and Mookie were less tense, their body language more open, more relaxed. She continued, smiling openly at Mavis, who listened with her eyes closed. " _Ah, se ela soubesse que quando ela passa, o mundo sorrindo se enche de graça e fica mais lindo por causa do amor!_ "

Hekuba, noting they had reached the part that was in Common, jumped in, "Tall and tan and young and lovely, the girl from Ipanema goes walking and when she passes, each one she passes goes 'ah!'" It was a pity that they reached the bottom of the shaft and had to exit. Their harmonizing was lovely. Still, their singing had done wonders for the overall morale and everyone was buzzing gently with comraderie.

The dour looking half-elf on the other side of the elevator door was a bit of a mood-killer though.

"Oh _jeeze_! Hi there dude!" Lup started, her ears leaping upward, tips quivering with anxious energy.

"Hey," he droned. Droned was the best word for it, his voice a dismal monotone. Stepping aside, he waved towards a door at the end of the hallway. "Come on in. No sense in keeping the _**[REDACTED]**_ waiting. Plus I've got better things to do."

They followed the half-elf down the hall and into a large room with a glass wall. In one corner of the room was a small desk covered in parchment and indwells, a lute, lyre, harp, and mandolin propped in various places. In the other was the aforementioned glass wall, a metal runner beneath it with a mail-flap like door in it. Behind the glass was water, dark and almost cosmic in coloring, and something that Julia's eyes glanced over. A movement that sent a spike of pain through her head.

"Welcome to my workshop. Drink this shit and go." The half-elf waved a hand at a spigot jutting out of the glass wall, a table with waxed paper cones in a metal tray beneath it. Contrasting with his bright, almost traditionally fool-like bards wear, the dark outlook of this kid was just...depressing.

"You okay man?" Lup's tilted her head as she looked at the half-elf. "You seem... _down_..."

"You'd be down too if no one would ever know how good you are. _Like_ ," he sighed heavily and noodled out a couple notes on the lyre, "I'm the world's _greatest_ musician. Hand to gods. Not even bragging. The best. But like," an arpeggio followed by a swift string of thirty second notes in a harmonic minor key. Beautiful, true, but not the best? "The ** _[REDACTED]_ ** fucking vores my shit so I'm certain you've never heard a single note I've written before."

"Never was a connoisseur of the arts man, _sorry_ ," Lup replied.

"Not that I can recall," Kravitz noted, "and I'm a bard myself."

"See?!" The half-elf's voice cracked as he gestured at Kravitz. " _Bupkis_!"

"Would you...mind playing for us?" Kravitz's eyebrows shot up, ears forward and deathly still.

" _Yeah_ , sure, fuck it. Here I go, playing my song. Gotta feed this to the _ **[REDACTED]** _ anyway..." the half-elf put the lyre down and pulled a lovely dark violin from a case on his hip. He placed his instrument beneath his chin and pursed his lips. "Anyway, my names Johann and this is _Wonderwall_."

The older members of the group snorted back laughter but Johann began to bow and their laughter turned to open tears. Unheard-of or not, Johann wasn't being braggadocious about his talent. He was _super_ goddamn good. Enough that even Mookie fell still to listen to his mournful tune. When he finished, silent tears continued to track down everyone's face. He took a short bow and placed his instrument back in its case.

" _Holy fuck_..." Lup's voice was post-cry hoarse but she was beaming through her tears.

"You weren't kidding...," Kravitz laughed, burbling, quiet. "Best bard I've _ever_ had the pleasure of hearing."

"Heard a lot, _huh_?" Johann's face and voice didn't change much but his stance had a tilt to it. Maybe happiness. Hard to figure. "Anyway, dinnertime for my _least favorite_ thing in this and any realm!" He reached behind him and grabbed a roll of parchment marred with organized black notes and lines, fists crinkling the paper slightly. Then he opened the hatch and jammed it on, closing it with as much force and aggression. The paper drifted into the water behind the glass wall and then...

 _Then_...

Julia rubbed her cheeks, confused. She'd been _crying_? Judging by the confusion on everyone's faces, they had been too. Why? Yeah, Johann had said he was going to play but...she couldn't... _couldn't_...

"Point in case," Johann huffed, waving about a hand in a dismissive and uncaring manner. "No one knows my works. Thanks, **_[REDACTED]_**." At their confused and tear-streaked looks, he gave them a crooked, insincere smile. "So go ahead and give it a slurp guys. Then get out coz Magic B pitched a fit about Brad and he and his pet are gonna come by and I've gotta do damage control before the Rites. Don't have all day and I do not like Bryan." He pointed to the spigot and paper cones. "Go on."

Kravitz moved first, quicker than Julia could catch. He poured himself a conefull of a dark, iridescent liquid that smelled strongly of brine and mercury and knocked it back in one hard go. His whole body stiffened the next second and then he was back, moving about much smoother than before.

"Ey bones...the _fuck_?! Could been _poison_ or someshit!" Lup almost grabbed him by his lapel while she scolded him. Kravitz, however, looked nonplussed. Excited even.

"You need to drink. It seems weird and it tastes like fish ass but it's...you _need_ to." He waved at the spigot—really weird, now that Julia was thinking about it, that he seemed able to see despite, yanno, being blind—and his ears were upward and quivering.

"You fucking _high_?" Lup screeched.

" _No_ , just... _trust_ me!"

And Julia did.

He wasn't _wrong_. It _did_ taste like fish ass. The liquid inside the tank was a thick salty thing that coated the inside of her mouth and made her gag. But as soon as she swallowed—

The world had been ravaged by great wars. _Shit_ , she had lost family to them. Her second cousin had died at the hands of one of them. Killian had said they were Relic Wars. Beneath her feet was an artificial moonbase and Faerûn _didn't_ have two moons. The item they had retrieved was called the Phoenix Fire Gauntlet. It was a Grand Relic. The person running this whole shindig—the Bureau of Balance—was called the Director. Brad had mentioned an Oculis as well, which must have been another Relic.

The thing behind the glass wall was called a Voidfish.

She could remember Johann's song.

The world spun and Julia felt herself sink back into her body with a weighted sigh. Like Kravitz, she was less nauseous and more steady on her feet.

Lup was knocking back her shot of ick, as was Hekuba. Mookie was being very uncharacteristically quiet and Mavis was clinging to him like a lifesaver. Kravitz's ears swiveled and he faced her with a wild and manic grin. " _Told you_."

"Tasted like fish ass," she noted. "You were right." He laughed at that.

As Lup and Hekuba came out of remembering, Lup stared at the glass wall and the Voidfish behind it. Observing it.

The Voidfish was a gigantic jellyfish, wide frills speckled with a blue cosmos. Its many tendrils waved wildly as the gals turned to look at it. It's bell glowed deeper and brighter. It let out loud hum, glowing brightly. It held out a single, larger tendril against the glass, almost expectantly. Mookie, having drank as well as his sister, pressed a dirty hand against the glass the Voidfish was touching. It let out a series of notes, low enough to rattle the ground, that sounded excited.

Johann stared at the Voidfish and then shook his head. He motioned for them to leave. "Go on," he said, "the Director doesn't have much patience for people who dawdle. Plus, _unless_ you like spiders, I doubt you're gonna want Magic B and his pet."

"Duly noted," Lup started back for the elevator.

"Where's the Director?" Kravitz and Julia had stayed behind to talk to Johann while Hekuba and the kids followed Lup.

"Largest dome on the moon. Hard to miss, really." He gestured about.

"Thanks Johann."

The ride back up was better than the first, the nausea was the worst part of it. When the elevator opened back to the quad, the six of them took their time making their way to the largest dome there. The grass and trees were real—really well cared for too—and while there were no animals, the place seemed full of life. The largest dome opened up with a hydraulic hissing and, like some grim portent, there were only two people in the room.

Standing tall and proud, there was a well-dressed gnome with wild ginger hair and a beard-moustache combo that made him look like a dad who's just really into craft beer. A golden monocle rested on his left eye, the chain hooking on a clasp on the upper part of his left ear. His hands were clasped behind his back and his seafoam colored eyes glittered as they entered the room.

The other person was a thin, older human woman. Her hair was a silver color, cropped close to her skull in tight natural curls. Laugh lines and crows feet accentuated her stormy eyes and she, too, wore formal clothing. She stood behind the gnome, a dark blue book in her hand and a brightly colored quill behind her ear. She gave everyone that entered a wide smile that revealed dimples at her cheeks.

"Welcome, you all, to the Bureau of Balance. I'm the Director and this is my organization." The gnome spread his hands wide as he talked, taking one step and then another down the stairs from the dais. "Killian spoke of four adventurers who could resist the Relics' thrall and, if I must say so, you _defy_ expectations."

"Weren't expecting _this_ nonsense, _were you_?" Lup laughed once, a peaky laugh filled with nerves and fear.

" _No_ ," the Director smiled, tail drifting slightly, "not quite. Didn't realize you'd have _kids_ with you, no offence meant." He directed the last bit at Mavis, who frowned.

"That's us," Kravitz interjected, "full of surprises." Julia almost missed the way his stance tensed upon seeing Kravitz. She almost missed how his eyes stared at the burns across her skin too. She almost missed the lingering look at Lup's hat.

 _Almost_ , but not quite.

"Anyway, polite smalltalk aside, I am glad to hear you've brought in a Relic. The first one, even! That's _quite_ a feat!"

"For an organization built to capture and destroy these things, if some randos managed to bring in the first one, then you're doing _real_ bad, Director." Lup, again with the defensive snark, picked at her nails.

"You...you got me _there_ ," the Director laughed. "But that means that your progress is even more important than before! A veritable boon! Something to be _proud_ of!" His tail was unnaturally still, for a gnome. "That's why I'd like to hire you all. Be our Reclaimers; gather the remaining Relics. Prevent the Relic Wars from occurring ever again. Make the world _safe_ again. Just say _yes_."

A decision had to be made and Julia already knew her answer, but she wanted to know the others'.

"What's in it for us? _Apparently_ not glory since you got that Vorefish gulping all our info like twenty-four sev." Lup's hard disinterest was met with the Director stifling a bit of a laugh, his calm facade twitching.

"The _Voidfish_ , not Vorefish. And as for your reward: I'd _assume_ monetary compensation is well enough for some, _even if_ glory is off the table?"

"An ' _eternal_ reward'?" Kravitz was suppressing a smirk as well, his ears quivering neutral.

"Yes, Kravitz. We're going to _kill_ you every time you bring one of these back. The Raven Queen _hates_ us," the Director deadpanned.

" _See_ , the issue is: how am I supposed to keep an eye on my kids while I'm off gallivanting around Faerûn?" Hekuba finally voiced her dissent, posture not unkind, but _terse_. "If I wasn't willing to leave them at home while I hunted down my asshole husband, what makes you think I'd let them chill on this fake moon all the time, without supervision or parental guidance?"

"Fair point," the Director nodded, lips pursed in a thought. "How about this? My ward," he gestured to the older human woman with one hand, the other still neatly tucked behind his back, "rarely leaves the base. She does a lot of my paperwork, since the words just blur into black squiggles at the end of the day, so her free time is yes. Would you be satisfied if she watched young Mavis and Mookie while you're gone? Your missions to retrieve Relics won't last more than a few days maximum and are most likely to be few and far between. That will provide you ample time to spend with them and for her to learn how to take care of them in a satisfactory manner."

The human woman—his ward apparently—nodded. "I would be _delighted_ to watch them for you. Both Mavis and Mookie, from the little I have had the pleasure of seeing, are _delightful_ children. I'm sure it would be a _joy_ to get to know them."

Hekuba chewed this information for a bit. Julia took this time to step in with her decision. "I'm in."

The Director didn't seemed shocked by this decision. He just smiled serenely. "I'm _very_ glad to hear that, Julia."

"If Julia's in, count me in as well!" Lup grinned.

"Seconded." Kravitz was looking ahead, sightless eyes and all. Determined. _Stoic_.

Hekuba turned to her kids and asked them something in Dwarven. Despite all they'd been through, it seemed she still didn't trust anyone save her kids. It only hurt a bit, if Julia was being honest. A _little_ bit.

She turned back to the Director and nodded. "So long as my kids aren't doing some dangerous bullshit and this one watches them, then I'm fine. If the rest of those Relics are as bad as this fucking glove thing, I wanna stop it where it starts."

The Director smiled brightly, tail flipping about. " _Very_ good. Now for the destruction of the Gauntlet. Do you mind?" With a nod, the Director's ward turned on her heel and disappeared behind the throne on the dais. Then she appeared again with a large lead orb hovering on a small Tenser's Disk in front of her. "Which of you has the Relic?" Lup raised her hand. "Mind putting it in the orb here? Then we can destroy it."

"What's with this place and _orbs_?" Despite her grievances, she obeyed, dropping the intricate Relic into the top of the lead orb. The Director's ward waved her hand and the orb closed over. Then the Disk floated away from them all and stood inert.

The Director said something in a language that made Julia's head ache and her ears ring. Seven large greatswords of light pierced the orb in a radial pattern, burying hilt-deep in the dull metal. With a sound like a dying animal, a large burst of crimson light erupted from within the orb, where the Gauntlet sat, and it pulsed with heavy magic.

Then it was over.

The orb opened back up with a wave of his ward's hand. Empty, save for some ashes. Everyone gaped.

"Payment, as _promised_." The Director nodded and his ward pulled out six large purses with gold in them. "I included Mavis and Mookie in the payments because they _did_ put themselves in danger. You're welcome to put that in a bank for them until they're older or whatever you deem necessary. It's up to you, Hekuba."

Each purse had eight hundred gold in it. Enough to make up for the loss from Gundren.

"Baller," Lup gasped. Julia had to stifle a smile.

"Now, _here's_ where things are going to get a bit unorthodox, if you don't mind." The Director shifted how he was standing, feet together now, and tail wrapped around his waist like a furry belt. He was at-ready. Poised. "Answer me this: which of you is the bravest, which is the strongest, which is the smartest, and which is the most level-headed? Because this will help determine what happens next, for your initiation into the Bureau proper."

"We aren't already members? We drank that weird fish shit!" Lup waved at the Director, ears pinned back.

"Nope. Not quite yet." The Director grinned. "See, you're not done. I need that answer soon, because you're tits-deep in test town, y'all, and it ain't pretty."


	10. Ep. 9: Lunar Interlude I: Tits-Deep In Test Town (pt.2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mavis almost knifes a VIP.
> 
> Lup is bad under pressure.
> 
> The gang gets some really cool, non-specific, totally not referential items from the Gashapon.
> 
> And they dream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise surprise! I updated before a month went up! :D
> 
> It's amazing, isn't it?
> 
> A goddamn miracle.
> 
> I'm very very proud of me. Yay me. Yay me.
> 
> Anyway...there's gonna be a huge break between this and Rockport Ltd. Mainly coz I'm gonna power through Second Cousin and also I may or may not be working on a new Mystery Skulls Animated story that may take up my inspiration. Maybe. IDK yet. Either way, I've gotta plot out Rockport Ltd. and then I'll get writing. Here's hoping it doesn't end up taking a month!
> 
> Hope you like it. :>

Mavis didn't know how to deal with all this information. Mama being a mercenary was already really hard to deal with but—

She'd seen a man _die_.

It wasn't on _purpose_. Mama had _tried_ to keep it from happening. So had Madam Julia and Madam Lup and Mister Kravitz but it was hard to miss the smell of burning and sick and sweet and charcoal that was coming from Brian. It was even harder to miss the screaming that Mister Kravitz let out when he was burned by Uncle Gundren. And the way Uncle Gundren's arm looked when the skeleton crumbled and the way it smelled.

Mavis was certain she wouldn't be able to enjoy smoked meats for a while now. If _ever_.

And Mookie, even with his penchant for silent enthusiasm, he was hurting too. Small signs: clinging to Mama, not making eye contact, less smiling, keeping close to Mister Kravitz and Madams Julia and Lup, not wandering off. He was scared too and the moon that wasn't a moon and the giant jellyfish that ate memories didn't help.

So when Mister Director waved his hands and Mama and Madams Julia and Lup and Mister Kravitz dropped to the ground, Mavis knew something was wrong and it was _all his fault!_

She drew the dagger Mama gave her—for self-defense _only_ , she said, but this was her Mama the Director hurt—and pointed it at this man who dared attack them. Her arms shook with fear and anger and energy. The point leveled at the Director's nose. He looked at her, amused, tail curled around his waist.

"Give them _back_! Undo what you just did! _Fix it_!" Her voice cracked and broke, her Dwarven accent bungling the more forward vowels, consonants clipped and glottal. "Give me back my Mama!"

Mookie was trying to shake Mama awake, movements getting more and more frantic. His eyes were filling with tears. He hiccuped. Mavis adjusted her stance, dagger pointing at the Director's throat now.

" _Un_. _Do_. _It_."

A pearlescent bubble wrapped around Mavis, blocking light and movement. She panicked, slamming her shoulder against the back of the orb of magic. She could hear a muffled Director shouting at his ward, "put it down. She wouldn't have hurt me. Just let her _go_ , okay?"

"She had a _knife_ ," his ward argued.

"She's a scared child. Let her _go_! I've got this." The bubble released Mavis and she staggered backwards, blinking tears from her eyes. When her vision cleared, she could see the Director, tail whipping back and forth behind him, a hand outstretched to her. "Are you okay? I know that her shields can be unnerving if you're not used to them but—"

Mavis slapped his hand away, scrabbling across the floor to her Mama and Mookie. The dagger she had been carrying scratched his palm but she didn't care. He _hurt_ her Mama. _Tried_ to hurt _her_.

This Director man was a very bad guy.

The Director's ward stepped forward, hand glowing with magic, but he barked out a rebuttal and she stopped. "Mavis," the Director said, slowly, quietly, hands up and empty, "I didn't hurt them. I just put them to sleep to test them. I promise. I can show you, if you like. You and Mookie." His tail was low, crooked like a question mark, ears tilting downward, gaze never leaving hers.

Mavis chewed the idea, rolling the thought around in her mouth like a fresh oyster. Did she trust him? Did she trust anything on this not-moon? Anyone? But—?

She sighed. "Fine. But I want proof. Otherwise it'll be bad for you. _Break you to stone and bury you in the sea. Never see you again. Shatter the stars. Make you regret everything._ " If the Director spoke Dwarven, he didn't react. His ward bristled, though, so she probably did. Whatever. All that mattered was her Mama.

"It's a _very_ strong illusion. It _has_ to be, or they'll break free. What's the point of a test if you _know_ it's fake?" The Director held his hand out, a bright collection of magic forming a large screen. "We can watch. I _promise_ they won't be hurt."

Mavis didn't trust him still. She doubted she _ever_ would but, if he was going to show her, she'd be a _fool_ to refuse. She gestured Mookie over to her and they both sat together and watched the Test, eyes wide.

* * *

Lup was panicking. When she said she was the most level-headed, she didn't know _this_ is what he had in mind! Fucking Director! Why couldn't anything be simple?!

Below her, in a large arena, stood the 'bravest' of the four: Hekuba. Blindfold across her eyes, she waited to move until Lup directed her around the three gem-studded ogres in the arena with her. The largest ogre was covered in blood and acid burns, the middlest was bludgeoned a bit and furious, and the babyest ogre was dead. Only the middlest had missing his gem still.

Above Hekuba but below Lup was the 'smartest' of the four: Kravitz. He was manning a large cannon loaded with a few round ampuoles of potions in reserve. Two of one, one of one, and three of the remaining two. He adjusted the trajectory to Lup's call of "your eight!", a blindfold over his eyes as well—despite his definitive lack of sight.

And above them all, save Lup, was their 'strongest': a blindfolded Julia. In front of her was a large button and a robot stood to each of her sides. Her blade was in a defensive position as she waited for one to come within melee reach. She, too, kept an ear out for Lup's directions.

And Lup? She had no blindfold and was fairly certain that being 'level-headed' would get her friends killed. She didn't have the capacity to manage this many people at once.

Point in case, "third lever, two degrees up." Kravitz adjusted his aim and fired an ampuole of weakening potion at the middlest ogre. Hekuba started at the sound of the ogre moaning but held fast. "Julia—left!" Julia sliced the robot in half and hunkered back down to wait for the other one to try and hit the button. "Strike ahead of you. Ranged if you can. Three degrees up and five to your left." Hekuba cast Witch Bolt at the middlest ogre on Lup's command. It met it's mark.

So far, so good.

"Second lever. At your four. Ten degrees down from where you are." Kravitz complied, slamming the biggest ogre with a rage ampuole. "Right now. It's too close. The left is about ten away." Julia spun and took the robot out and re-hunkered. The middlest ogre swapped its focus from Hekuba to the biggest ogre, screaming when it attacked back, further wounding its brother. "Hekuba! Move forward. The gem is in its pockets! It's preoccupied right now." Hekuba complied, somewhat sceptical. Rifling through the ogre's pockets, she found a gem. The gem disappeared and one of each potion filled Kravitz's ammunition. The biggest ogre fell to the onslaught.

Good. _Fine_. This will be _okay_.

Until it _wasn't_.

The middlest ogre, regaining its senses and having murdered its eldest brother, took a swing at Hekuba and launched her clear across the arena with one hit.

" _Watch out!_ "

In response to Lup's panicked call, Julia lashed out to her right, which allowed the robot to her left to reach the button. With a press, a jolt of electricity paralyzed Lup, Kravitz, and Hekuba. They convulsed as Julia realized her mistake and destroyed the offending robot. Too late though, as their eyes couldn't speak and their sorcerer was about to meet her goddess, the middlest—and _only_ —ogre bearing down on her.

Julia made a decision. Not a _good_ one, or a _smart_ one, but a decision nonetheless. Lup could only watch as she shattered the glass and hopped into the arena, sword drawn. " _Come at me,_ fucker!" Julia yelled loudly, listening for the thudding steps of the remaining ogre.

It charged for her, seeing red. Julia measured the distance with hearing alone, braced herself, and drove her sword forward into the ogre's hand. It screamed in pain. Moving again before the ogre could recover and attack their prone friends, she swept her blade again, lower and further ahead, and the metal screamed through the air. She cut into the ogre's leg, severing skin and muscle. It howled again.

That had been enough time for everyone to recover from the shock. Lup choked out, " _Krav_ , fifteen up, at your eleven. First lever." The cannon swung and fired off an ampuole of acid, hitting its mark. The ogre screamed again, _so close_ to death.

Without being told, Hekuba wordlessly cast an Ice Dagger that impaled the ogre in its chest, felling the beast. The four collapsed in relief as the Director's voice called from a PA system. " **Wow! Congratulations all! You've passed the Test! Welcome, for real, to the Bureau of Balance!** "

" _Fuck_...you...," Lup moaned as the world in front of her swam.

" **Now if you'll exit my illusion, we can continue orientation.** " And like that, they knew and the spell lost its potency. Lup found herself lying face-up on the ground in the Director's chambers.

_Fuck_.

_Fucking_ illusion magic.

* * *

Mavis watched as her Mama and the rest sat up, groaning as the illusion wore off. Despite her hating the Director for what he did, he was right about the illusion not doing any damage to their body or mind. When her Mama was standing upright, she tackled her and hugged her tight. Mama laughed and hugged Mavis back.

" _I was scared, Mama!_ "

" _I'm sure you were. It's okay though. It'll take more than illusory ogres to kill your Mama._ " Mama embraced Mookie too, frowning as he fell still in her grasp. He was so tired. They both were.

" _I pulled my dagger on him. I was gonna **hurt** him. He hurt **you**! I was gonna cut him, Mama. I don't **wanna** —!_" Mavis hiccuped as Mama rubbed her back gently.

" _Wish I could've seen his face,_ " Mama laughed for her benefit.

" _Don't do that again..._ "

" _I promise I won't._ "

The group turned to face the Director and his ward, who had summoned another Tenser's Disk with four silver bracers like Madam Killian had on. He gestured to the bracers and smiled. "You're going to want to put these on your non-dominant hand. They don't come off, so make sure _you're_ sure that's where they go." Mister Kravitz clicked a bit and his ears shot up in surprise.

"Magic?"

" _Hella_ magic," the Director responded. His tail was a question mark behind him. His ward smiled too.

" _Fuck_ it." Madam Lup slapped one on her right wrist. The clasp sealed over and all that was left was a solid cylinder of silver. She marveled at the craftsmanship. Madam Julia followed suit with her left arm. Mister Kravitz put his on his right. Mama hesitated.

"They _don't_ come off?" The Director shook his head. "What about when we get the rest of the Relics. How are we gonna get them off?" He stiffened, bristling out.

"I think... _that's_ an issue for future Director, don't you think?" His teeth were gritted closed, tail a bottlebrush poof. Mavis couldn't help but feel a little vindicated.

"If I lose an arm over this, I'm gonna sue." Mama put her bracer on her left arm. It sealed up and she grimaced.

"By the by," Madam Lup asked, feigning nonchalance, "what's the health insurance like and do we have a licence to kill now?"

"No you don't have a licence to kill, you don't _need_ one. Nor should you _have_ one. As for health insurance— _don't die_. We're a _secret_ moon organization. If we _had_ insurance, the premium would be _horrific_ because the turnover rate is _way_ too high for any sane person's liking. We deal in death and so on," the Director grinned cheekily, "so just, yanno, be _careful_. Maybe consider investing in better armor and war casting skills. Learn some Abjuration. Whatever works best."

"Don't die. Aight then...," Madam Lup chewed on the inside of her cheek, frowning. "Garbage insurance..."

"Well the _dental_ is fine, as is vision. Just no life or health. My ward will give you your paperwork and HR can sort that out after you're done." The Director waved his hand and four large coins—cartoonish things with a scale stamped on the front and the same logo as the bracers on the back—floated to Madams Lup and Julia, Mister Kravitz, and Mama. They took them, eyeing him with suspicion. "These are tokens for the Fantasy Gashapon. You'll find our lead Artificer, Leon, in the dome right across from us. You can exchange these coins for items chosen by fate to fit the four of you. As the children won't be adventuring, I see no need for them to get tokens."

Madam Lup raised an eyebrow and thought better of it. Instead she asked, "what of Soren?"

" _Soren?_ "

"My owlbear. I mean, he's not a _kid_ or nothing, but I'm his _mama_. I can't just let him wait in a stable in Neverwinter for the rest of time!" Madam Lup frowned. "Besides, big, tall, and beefy promised y'all'd take care of him."

It took the Director a moment to parse what she was saying but he nodded. "Killian was right. We can't have Soren here on the moon but—"

" _The hell not?!_ "

"He'll run _right_ off the damn thing. _All_ animals do." The Director continued, nonplussed. "We have agents planetside who can look after him if you like. And when you're not on a mission, Avi can grant you leave to visit him. Just don't stay for too long."

Madam Lup seemed pleased with that answer and nodded. "Okay. Fair 'nuff."

"Now shoo. I've got paperwork to fill out before Brian gets here. He won't be pleased about Brad."

Sharing a look, the six of them left for the dome across the way. The Artificer's, as it were.

Inside the dome was a large library-like room. The walls were covered in shelves with dusty tomes and various tchotchkes. Sitting at a desk in front of a large machine with a coin slot was an ancient gnome with a beard almost as long as he was tall and cokebottle glasses. He blinked up at them, his tail twitching with excitement. " _Welcome_! You must be our new Reclaimers!"

"You must be _Leon_!" Kravitz replied, smiling down at him.

" _Indeed_! So you have tokens, don't you? Well, put 'em in the machine and see what you get!" He gestured to the large machine behind him. A warm magic radiated off it that made Mavis feel safe. She pondered that for a bit, missing Leon's spiel about fate and magic and all that.

"Cha'girl's gonna go first. Gotta get in before y'alls stink luck rubs off on this thing." Madam Lup placed her token in the coin slot and turned the crank to the right. The machine rumbled and clattered, the feeling of warmth and magic intensifying, then it spat out a small orb with a seam in the middle. Madam Lup chuckled and cracked it open, revealing a long string with metal aglets.

"Oh!" Leon bounced up and down, excited. "This one is _interesting_! If you like, I can help you attach it to your hat!" Madam Lup raised an eyebrow. "This is the Hat Tie That Binds! Once a day you can call upon the invisible bond between you and someone else and borrow a little bit of their magic by casting a spell they know! Plus it keeps your hat on your person if you're not wearing it on your head!" Madam Lup smiled and sat down to fiddle with her tie. Leon turned to the others.

"Sure," Mister Kravitz shrugged and placed his coin in the Gashapon and cranked the handle. What came out was an oblong container with hinges. Mister Kravitz cracked it open and clicked low back in his throat. They were round glasses, bright crimson, with gold frames and arms. Leon flipped through his book and let out a soft gasp when he found what he was looking for.

"The Seer's Spectacles! When you wear then, not only will you look _super_ stylish, but you can see things for what they really are, can see magic, can see in the dark, or can see when you shouldn't be able to. They have a bit of a downside in that they give you a nasty headache if active for too long but aren't they just the _nicest_ specs?" Mister Kravitz slipped them on and nodded, a soft smile crossing his features.

Mama went up next, lips pursed. Her container was small and, inside was a stylish watch with a black band and large face. Leon almost squealed he was so happy. "This is the Watching Watch! Not only does it give you updates on your family's well-being when attuned to you, but it has one casting of Clarivoyance per day! Unfortunately, it _doesn't_ tell time." Satisfied, Mama sat down and started attuning the item to her.

Madam Julia was last. Her clunky orb was interesting. Larger than the rest, it contained a large sword with chevron markings on it as well as its large leather sheath and halter. Leon ruffled through his book and stopped on one page. "This one's the Beacon of Light. A sword that can extend to twice melee range, the Beacon also carries a single charge of Light, localized to the blade itself. It's a pretty neat weapon, about as strong as your current one." With a soft grin, Leon closed his book with a snap. " _That's all she wrote!_ I'll see you _next time_ you have a token, _hm_?"

"Bye Leon!" Mavis waved at the gnome as they left, new acquisitions stowed in their bags or on their person. Mama was still attuning the Watch to her and Madam Lup was swearing while she attempted to attach the Tie to her absolutely _terrible_ hat.

The Director had given them room assignments. Madams Lup and Julia were sharing a room. Next to them, Mama, Mavis, and Mookie were together and Mister Kravitz was sharing his space with a halfling named Robbie with the warning 'watch what you drink from the fridge' which was...concerning...

Mama had just tucked Mookie in when Mavis began to nod off. Smiling, Mama placed her in bed next to her brother and wrapped her in a blanket gyro. Then she placed a kiss on Mavis's forehead and wished her goodnight.

" _May the Stone embrace you in your dreams._ "

" _Night Mama..._ "

" _Night bright gem._ "

And in the night, Mavis sleeps to the sound of clacking knitting needles, unaware that one will come back with her in the morning, a silver thread hanging on the hook still, warmth lingering.

And in the night, Mookie dreams of trains and wagons and sad songs and a little girl all alone and a wheel that spins and spins and spins and spins.

And in the night, Hekuba dreams of a vast, angry ocean and a man she is more afraid of than she'd ever admit.

And in the night, Julia doesn't sleep for fear of never waking, but sleep claims her like a shroud and she burns even in her dreams.

And in the night, Lup dreams of a cracked mirror that makes her feel safe, a bright light fractured into so many, and her skin rotting off strip by strip to reveal bones of ash and charcoal.

And in the night, Kravitz's coin whispers to him, " _This is just step one, Kravitz. You're that much closer to the truth, to your love. Be strong. Be smart. Be clever. Hold on tight._

" _This is only the beginning._ "

**Author's Note:**

> Like this? Wanna scream at/with me? HMU at [my Twitter](http://twitter.com/ArrowAceP) and/or [my Tumblr](http://thesleepiestsheepy.tumblr.com). I wont bite and heaven knows I love the attention.
> 
> Edit: Title change courtesy of my shit brain. Whoop whoop!!!! Fucking solid!! Can't write but can rename older fics yay!


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